We all know some couples who seem so well connected they make you believe that soul mates really do exist.
Conversely, there are some couples out there that seem totally incompatible, yet, however incomprehensible it might be, the relationship works.
Love is complicated – it’s what makes us human. And yet we barely understand it.
In an attempt to solve the mystery of compatibility, here are some suggestions of why we love who we do.
Different kinds of love
We can’t talk about love without acknowledging the fact that there are different kinds. The Ancient Greeks distinguished between these types of love and gave them different names. The pleasure we experience from an ice-cream sundae smothered in chocolate sauce isn’t the same as the affection we feel for our partner. Similarly, those feelings aren’t the same for our children and other family members. It’s important to be aware of our feelings, especially when we need to distinguish between lust and something more meaningful.
To solve the great mystery of love, scientists have probed our brains and our past to unlock the answer. The butterflies and wobbly knees we experience when the object of our desire walks into the room can be explained by simple chemical reactions. Hormones are released to produce lustful or more substantial feelings of attachment. This could be an evolutionary trait, born in our ancestors to strengthen community groups. However, it doesn’t explain why some people trigger this reaction and others don’t.
Another scienctific word often used when discussing love and relationships is chemistry. This goes beyond hormones and tries to explain the emotional connection felt when two compatible people are together. This spark of attraction doesn’t guarantee a long and fulfilling relationship. However, you’re off to a good start if you can engage with one another on a deeper level than looks alone.
Looking at successful relationships, it’s undeniable that certain patterns emerge. Couples with a mutual understanding of one another, similar aspirations and values will go far. This formula can be applied to hopeful singletons looking for love. Singles at eHarmony.ca are asked to fill in a Relationship Questionnaire. This has been developed to find out what really makes them tick and potential matches are found based on their detailed answers.
To add an extra type of love to the Greeks’ theory, faith also goes some way to explaining why we fall in love with certain people. Christianity considers love to be an over-arching emotion, not about lust but kindness and compassion. Christian online dating takes into account a person’s faith so they can find someone who understands this love as they do.
Faith is also defined as having complete trust or confidence in someone. Even if all the other pieces of the puzzle fit – biology, chemistry and shared beliefs – you need to trust one another 100%. This faith can be cemented over time through our actions.Follow @besz