Is she really going out with him is a great song, but how often do you hear the same lament? “Everyone I like only likes jerks.” “I’m smart and funny. Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me?” “Why is she with him?” How often have you heard or said that yourself?
The world of dating has changed significantly from your Mom and Dad’s apple pie Norman Rockwell scene. No longer do people regularly go steady through High School to marry their sweetheart after college. In fact the average person gets married at 26, followed two years later by a divorce. With the plight of older women and men fighting to meet Mr or Miss Right before biology takes over, there is an increasing amount of pressure on the single today.
With that in mind, let’s broach the subject of those folks who are nice and perpetually single. You know the type. That sweet friend of yours who seems to always be single no matter how desirable they may be. That nice guy who brings flowers to a first date and opens all doors. That sweet funny girl who lost her most recent boyfriend. We love them, but only as friends, and we want to see them happy. Or maybe that sweet funny person is you.
The “Nice Guy”
So many men claim to be the “nice guy” who can’t get a date. Odds are, the problem is not with the woman. It’s you. Men over the years have divided life into the good(“nice guys”), the bad(jerks) and the busty(women), creating this mind set that the nice guys are constantly losing to the big bad jerks who claim the prize of woman, dragging her off to the jerk cave where they consummate with the poor helpless creature. Feminism has in fact occurred gentlemen. By assuming women are just going to go for the jerk no matter what you do you make the assumption that no woman can make up her own mind. Just because she is dating the jerk now dose not mean it will last. No woman in her right mind will ever dump you because you weren’t mean enough to her and you didn’t attempt to sleep with enough of her friends. Give the fairer sex some credit.
There is a multimillion dollar industry of so called “nice guys” teaching other self-proclaimed “nice guys” how to snag the ideal girlfriend. These love gurus teach how to go from the first date to the bedroom in three days or less. These classes are great for deductions when you e-file. Other than that, it’s a waste of money for an actual nice guy. The whole class can be summed up in one sentence. If you can fake being a jerk, you’re in. There, you have been saved three grand(that’s for the cheap class). Not saying that women aren’t attracted to a certain type, it’s just not the people you think.
If not for the need to procreate, very few, if any of the male persuasion would get a date.
Women are engrained to look for a mate that is compatible with them. They need someone they are attracted to, who will protect them (only when necessary), and someone whose genetics will produce attractive strong children. Taking these things into account, yes women will be more attracted to an alpha male. Take heart single guys.
If you really are a nice guy, there are tons of women looking for you, you just have to find them. What makes a real nice guy? It varies from woman to woman. There are no set rules, just chemistry, let nature take it’s course. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of actually telling a girl how you feel. The worst she can say is “no”. Sad, but there are nice guys who do have trouble talking to women, but don’t give up.
A story. In school Tom, a really “nice guy”, spends his entire youth pining over Jenny. Jenny is always dating the school jerks though, so he never tells her how he feels. They go to separate colleges and eventually lose touch. Tom gets married, has a few kids, but never forgets the girl that got away. At the reunion some twenty years later he runs into Jenny’s best friend. Tom’s heart skips a beat as he asks how Jenny is. “Oh Jenny finally got married. I didn’t think she was ever going to get over you.”
The “Nice Girl”“I hate Barbie, she has everything.” Barbie did have everything. A boyfriend, a dream house, a Porsche, a Pony. Barbie even had a back up boyfriend, GI Joe. Every little girl wanted to be Barbie. Then you grew up and realized that a prince is not going to come riding up on a white horse and take you to his castle. Sad realization that life is not perfect. You are going to have to kiss a large number of frog before you get a prince. At this point some women became nice girls and others became bitter. The bitter ones always seem to get the guy.
Remember Kim Kardashian? Behind every “hot” girl there is a guy who is tired of her crap. Take that adage to heart ladies.
Two weeks ago a few girlfriends went on a girls night out. They were on the prowl for good looking men. And what’s worse, they wanted to go to bars in search of “serious, long-term relationships.” Are you laughing yet? While there are many relationships that do start in bars, going to a bar for the specific purpose of getting a long term boyfriend is like a guy going to a brothel in search of a virgin. Yet thousands of women pile into bars every weekend looking for their soul-mates only to go home empty handed and lonely.
Men are simple creatures and the female populous is trying to complicate them.
Most men will accept a woman who feeds him and is there to quench the occasional sexual itch. There isn’t much to get. Women have forced themselves into an odd corner by trying to complicate men. Society has become so sexually driven that who can blame guys for the bugged out eyes? You can buy a physically perfect woman for the right price. Those women who can afford it are destroying their bodies with plastic surgery. Yes, destroying, ladies. Just because the nice guy you like is looking at the 34DDs on the waitress does not mean you need the newest knockers. Plastic surgery is temporary and you have to religiously repair the work. As any honest plastic surgeon will tell you, plastic surgery is never totally natural looking.
Those who can’t afford the work are going with option two, sex. Society has led you to believe that if you don’t sleep with a guy you are a prude, if you do you’re a slut. Caught between a rock and a hard place a lot of women opt for being a slut. Your own fault for believing that men are really that shallow. Yes, men will probably have sex with a lot of jerks before they find the nice girl to take home to mom and dad. Patience is a virtue.
The Nice CrowdSo why do both sides seem to opt for the jerks? Ever heard that “to assume makes an ass out of u and me?” That “bimbo” in the exceptionally high-heels your ex is hanging out with might be a very smart person. That “muscle bound dork” might make her laugh. You can’t just assume that everyone that isn’t you is going to mistreat that special someone. You also can’t take every little tear or fight as some sort of signal of abuse. Just because your ex had a fight with her boyfriend, who was unable to attend Fluffy the cat’s funeral, does not mean it’s time to swoop in for an intervention. Every relationship goes through a rough spell. Be realistic.
And speaking of realistic, You have to be realistic about yourself.
You can’t assume that you are everything they could want or need and your relationship would be perfect. If you look like Joe Pesci don’t expect to get Rachel McAdams.
If you smell like a hot day at the pier don’t expect the singles to line up. People have standards and you might not fit the bill.
For the sake of argument, however, let’s say you can’t get a date because the people you are interested in only like jerks or bad-boys/bad-girls. This is not the time to be what they want. Now is the time to take a look in the mirror. It sounds cliché but you are the only one keeping you from dating bliss.
The biggest question. Why are you whining? Do you find yourself attracted to people who whine? Not for long. Do you think the jerks ever whine? No. Do they care if someone rejects them? Why would they? They are awesome, and they know it. They don’t need your approval. If they don’t like the way their boyfriend or girlfriend is acting, they can leave. It’s nothing personal. You are going to be spending a long time with yourself, so why are you so worried about some girl who didn’t like you, move on.
What do you think? Are you such a nice person? Are you still choosing from the nice crowd?
Desperation is like a bad smell. It seeps into everything and you just can’t hide it. There is nothing less attractive than the disgusting smell of desperation. It says, “I will be anything and everything you want me to be and you will never have to chase me.” No self respecting person will stay with that. Everyone loves a good chase, it’s instinctual. The reason that guy adores the girl in the heels is because she is giving him a run for his money, and if he ever gets a hold of her, she will still fight him to the very end. If she ever concedes for a moment, she loses him, and she knows it. Even women love a good chase every now and then. Ever watched your girlfriend ignore an attractive man’s advances only to flirt with him when he takes them away? It’s a game and a lot of people love it.
This does not mean that people don’t love the genuine person. Lies are a big turn off in any relationship. The reason so many people seem to date jerks is because they know, up-front, what they are getting into. There is no smoke and mirrors. If the jerk is just out for sex, they have said so upfront. Why can they say these things without any repercussion? One word. Confidence. Being happy with yourself means you can be totally honest. If someone doesn’t like total honesty, you move on and live life.
In the end other people will love you because you have loved yourself.
It’s what people respond to. Confidence, honesty, can couple with kindness to make a nice person. Give those jerks a run for their money. Yes, sometimes things that seem too good to be true are. Be the exception to the rule.
What do you think? Comment below to share your thoughts, stories, break-ups, relationships and anything else you think is relevant to this!