Here, I would like to talk about the concept of being considerate “to” others, and not just being considerate “of” others. The idea is to not only coexist with people with different views, but to actually appreciate them and implement them and their differing views, and the concept of them doing anything they want differently than us, into our own ways of thinking and life.
I was driving on an almost empty freeway today when I noticed a very slow driver in one of the middle lanes, the same lane I was in. Even though I was within the speed limit, it seemed that I either had to change lanes to get ahead, or simply slow down. A thought came to my mind “Aaah, slow driver, move!” and then I realized: I was not being considerate of this very driver! The freeway was empty, I did not own any rights to this lane, and I could simply overtake this person if I wanted to. However, instead of doing that, I had felt as if this person driving slow in one of the middle lance was an annoying thing I had experienced. In my view, that was being inconsiderate to that other driver, who probably simply wanted to drive slowly, and safely, on a rare day when the freeway was not crowded at all.
I wonder how many times we may feel online that someone or something is annoying us, but in reality, we are just being inconsiderate. Why is it that many different views like cultures, religions, political views, and even online views on things like blogging, dictate or advice us to do something specific, but rarely, or never, tell us that we should be accommodating and considerate to others and conflicting views also.
Being inconsiderate offline
Almost every week I talk to some friends who tell me about how they ran into some people who had no manners because they did not respect the culture, religion, political view or something else that my friend believed in. However, people usually do not talk about their own character not having any rules or views on how one should be accommodating of other views. For example, if a certain culture dictates how someone should eat, it can be very hard to find any rule or cultural characteristic that dictates how one can let someone eat anyway they want, if they did not subscribe to certain cultural trends.
If a culture, religion, or any other guideline view about something in life about is not accommodating of people who want to do things their own way while not hurting others, why can we ourselves not be more considerate to and of others and still follow our culture and our rules? If our culture or religion does not consider other conflicting views, does that mean our culture and religion is not good? Why can people not be all right with others doing the same thing in different ways? Does everyone have to have the same religion? Does everyone have to have the same culture? Does everyone need to have the same political view? Does everyone need to do everything in the same exact manner? As long as someone is doing something and not hurting others directly and intentionally, why can we not be happy with them, coexist with them, and even incorporate them and their views into our own lives?
Being inconsiderate online
I run into many blogs daily where people get upset over someone having differing view about something then them. A blogger may get upset and feel offended if someone else talks about contradictory views on religion, politics, or even blogging. However, should we not have the quality of being considerate to other views? Why can our own online views, such as blogging rules, dictate something like “We will treat and deal with the people who have the exact same views as us, in exactly the same manner as the people who have different views“?
Why is it that I cannot write something, like saying that blogging is just a stupid fad, without getting people to attack me without any reason? Being inconsiderate does not mean that you do not disagree with others. Being inconsiderate means that you cannot live normally while knowing that people have different views. The only reason we may be upset at others online, and thus be inconsiderate to them, is because those other people are going after ideas that we ourselves have either not thought of, or we have decided not to utilize them. We do not disrespect and disagree with others people because we believe we are right; we disrespect and disagree with others because they have a different view and because they do not subscribe to our views.
This mentality creates a little dilemma, if one believes in the concept of applying a theory to different things; does everyone then, when following the concept of being considerate to others, need to follow the same standards online? Why can we not have more blogs without any RSS feeds? Why can we not have nonstandard, and strange, labeling around a site, like the word “Backroad” instead of “Archives“? Why can we not have more blogs without the comment feature? One of the grand questions of all: if we want to be considerate to others, why can we not be comfortable with blogs that deliberately aim to be inconsiderate?
Do you think the concept of being considerate to others has any value for you?
What is your view on this? Do we have to criticize or hate every instance of something that we disagree with? Could that be the reason why many married and dating couples look like brothers and sisters, because many people want to find someone who not only acts like them but also looks like them? Can human beings, as a whole, ever have a mentality where they not only respect different views and people, but they also make it a part of their own character to revolve their own views and character on such a thing? We we, as individuals, easily have a mentality where we are not only considerate to others, but where we also revolve our own ideas and beliefs around the idea of letting other ideas and beliefs prosper within our own life domain?
I am touching the introduction of this touchy subject very lightly, as this subject probably defines the lives of many people out there, and deserves more than just a single post that was written while Bes was hungry. Do you agree or disagree with this?
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Bes,
You should've rammed that sucker in the rear-end and pushed him off the road. How dare he try to occupy one lane on the road?!
I do try to be considerate to people such as saying hello, or giving people "the nod". However, some people it seems don't want to be appreciated. For example, this morning I was walking down long corridors in my building and almost every person I stared down in the hallway never once made an attempt at eye contact.
Thanks Ronald for the splendid advice. Next time, I will do that, while ensuring that he/she doesn't get hurt, and yell "Ronald sends you his regards!!!"
I am guessing some people are not used to the idea of appreciation, or they feel strange, or like you said, they simply do not want to be appreciated. Regarding eye contact, some people just want to walk without interacting, or maybe they appreciate and interact in ways other than eye contacts. If they do it on purpose, though, like you pointed out, maybe they just have not understood or realized the concept of appreciation, or they just want some distance and not get close to anyone, even if it is for a second to a stranger in order to say "Hi" or to share a nice gesture.
Or maybe they just feel in their hearts: "Damn! Ronald again…keep walking, don't look at him, he's looking…don't look at him…keep on walking….success!"
Being considerate has become harder and it is mainly because we have no time to even look after ourselves. We tend to have the feeling that the world is not fair and all that. I think the best thing to do at this moment is that we have to make efforts to first know ourselves and then be good to ourselves. When we feel good, we should then go about making other people happy. It is easy and simple like you said. Great advice and a fresh post!
Bes,
Thanks for discussing the topic of being considerate OF and being considerate TO others. I'm currently dating a wonderful woman; very intelligent, strong, beautiful and a great cook!….but when it comes to being considerate TO others, that takes a back seat to "well, they're not being considerate to ME." I'm trying to be patient and understanding and while she is considerate OF and TO me, I see an aire of superiority from her when she deals with others in which she places herself above them, which has seeped into her attitude of some traits of my family members. yes, while my fam can be annoying at times, I do love them and they are "where I came from".
And she is a "delicate flower"….she doesn't soak up constructive criticism all that well…neither do I, so it is a touchy turn of events when I try to bring such things to her attention.
I'm not into hurting people and we get along on so many other things, so it's a tough call. I definitely have to bring it up before much longer, but I guess if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out for good reason.
Again, thanks for posting on the difference in OF and TO.
I'm dating a guy now for three years. We don't live together, however, he comes over often and I make big dinners and send him home with plenty of food for the week and sometimes even make his lunch…If he leaves clothes over my house, I wash them for him. Well, this weekend I went to his house. It was late and raining hard outside with alot of fog. I asked him for a drink..He said that he had soda in the frigerator in the garage. After a while past, I got up and went into the garage to get a can of soda. He was making some other food. I poured myself a little soda and put the rest in his refrigerater. He then said, See I proved my point that you are very inconsiderate because I didnt' off him some soda. I didnt think that he wanted any or he would have asked me for some when Igot up to get it and it was his house so I didn't think anything of it. but he just kept saying that is the way I am and I cant change and I got quite upset becuase I feel that I am a very generous and kind person. Next he told me to get out of his house and go home, so I left. I think it was inconsiderate to ask me to leave in the middle of the night in a bad foggy storm.
what do you think
Excellent post. I think there would be fewer conflicts in the blogosphere if we allowed our-self to see things from one another’s point of view.
I'm just curious what you would say about a situation where you dated a girl for nearly three years, but then she told you out of the blue that she "no longer had the same feelings for you" and wanted space? Unfortunately this happened to me, and I wonder if you've got any specific tips on how to make a girl like you again.