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The Interview

Ronald Huereca, HOST: Thank you Bes and Chester for both agreeing to meet me on Skype. I wanted to get you both on here to get both your sides of what happened. I’ll start with you Bes. Could you please describe what happened?

Bes Zain, Defendant who almost ran over Chester the Squirrel: I was driving along and I saw a nut on the road. All of a sudden a squirrel jumps out on the road and I slam on my brakes to avoid killing the squirrel. Luckily I was able to swerve my car and miss him, but my car incurred some damage as a result of the sudden stop.

Ronald Huereca: And it is my understanding that you are currently suing Chester for damages?

Bes Zain: My lawyer has advised me that I am unable to comment on pending litigation.

Ronald Huereca: Understood. Chester, what happened on your end?

Chester the Squirrel, almost crushed by Bes Zain’s car: Let’s just make something clear Ronald. Bes was clearly driving recklessly down the road aiming for a nut, as he admitted himself. I had just happened to be gathering food…

Bes Zain: I’m sorry? Gathering food? You were in the middle of the road.

Chester: As I was saying before Bes interrupted… I was gathering food and then I heard the heavy sound of a car engine racing towards me.

Ronald Huereca: Bes, do you want to comment on that? Chester has filed a lawsuit for negligence and now he’s accusing you of reckless driving.

Bes Zain: Chester clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I was driving at a reasonable speed…

Chester: So reasonable that you ruined your brakes trying to stop?

Bes Zain: … a reasonable speed when some squirrel with a death wish just hops right in front of traffic…

Chester: Hops right in front of traffic? I’m not suicidal. I was gathering…

Bes Zain: Look I’m not the one…

(CROSSTALK)

Bes Zain: … not the one who was acting idiotic and running in the middle of the road for a nut.

Ronald Huereca: So Chester, you are also suffering from post traumatic stress from the event?

Chester: Yes. I now have a phobia of climbing trees and entering public roadways. I can no longer function properly as a citizen and am currently going to a therapist twice a week. I can no longer work and am taking medication for depression.

Ronald Huereca: Bes, did you know Chester was going through such pain?

(unintelligible)

Chester: My lawyer and I agreed that suing for damages was in the best interest of my behalf as well as all the other squirrels out there that are in constant danger in public from figures such as Mr. Zain.

Bes Zain: Look. I wasn’t trying to run you over. I was trying to crush the nut. You jumped into the middle of the ro…

Chester: I was getting food!

Bes Zain: … road like an imbecile…

Ronald Huereca: I have an audio clip from Mr. Zain’s lawyer who made a few comments regarding the lawsuit filed by Chester.

(Begin audio clip)

Voice of Bes Zain’s Lawyer: Mr. Chester’s case is clearly without merit. My client, Mr. Zain, was driving normally on a public roadway when Mr. Chester illegally began crossing into the roadway to gather food. My hope is that the judge will throw the complaint out since any reasonable person would conclude that gathering food on a public roadway not only endangers that person, but endangers the lives and property of others.

(End audio clip)

Ronald Huereca: Any response to the audio clip played Chester?

Chester: I am simply appalled. A reasonable person would conclude that gathering food endangers myself and others? Since when? I never had a problem gathering food in the middle of the street until Bes came along.

Ronald Huereca: Bes, if there was one thing you could change about this whole situation, what would it be?

Bes Zain: I wouldn’t have braked.

Ronald Huereca: Last word Mr. Chester.

Chester: I find Bes Zain to be highly arrogant, reckless, and without remorse. I will be glad when the judge rules in my favor.

Ronald Huereca: Thank you Mr. Zain and Mr. Chester for agreeing to this interview. Until next time.

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Bes checked around, and noticed no cars nearby. Bes started driving on lane dividers, making sure the white lane divider lines were under the car. Bes wanted to crush the nut. No, let me rephrase that. Bes wanted to annihilate the nut for reasons even Bes did not understand. It was just a feeling that said “do it.” Bes sped the car a bit, making sure no pedestrians were in sight and that once the nut was crushed, Bes could resume normal driving easily and without any issues. Everything was under control until Bes noticed something moving in the tree from where the nut had fallen.

What was that moving thing?!?!

Bes was less than 5 seconds away from the nut when another object came down from the tree onto the car, and then jumped on the road, running towards the nut. It was a squirrel. “0_0” was the exact expression on Bes’s face, with Bes’s eyes squinting so hard as if wanting to avoid looking directly at the sun from a close distance. Let me repeat that. Bes’s face looked like:

0_0 with squinted eyes

The brakes got pushed as hard as they could. It was machine crying out loud to stop from angering a squirrel, which would otherwise be crushed to death. The machine knew it could simply run over the small creature and get away with it, but no, something inside the car felt fear. There was some doubt about the whole scene, and the car tried its best to simply stop and not touch the squirrel. The squirrel stood there, not moving an inch. It noticed a car that was trying to hold onto the brakes like crazy, while stopping from some 65 miles per hour speeds. Bes swirled the car a bit to the right, hoping to miss the squirrel while the car was still trying to stop because of the stupendous speed Bes had accelerated to not a few moments ago.

Smoke filled up the scenery in the rear mirror as the tires cried for mercy. The brakes told the tires to keep crying and keep trying, as hopefully the 2+ ton car could hopefully stop before reaching the probably less than a pound squirrel. It did not work. Bes kept looking at the squirrel when the squirrel disappeared under the car, with the car still trying to stop.

The car did not stop!

Bes went over the squirrel, and after passing the scene of the chaos, Bes started glancing in the rear mirror, while the car came to an almost complete stop. Bes could not see clearly in the back because of the smoke. Bes let go of the brake, which made a very weird squealing sound at that very moment and gave a sudden jerk to the car. Bes was surprised. Had the brakes died? Had the tires burst? Finally, in the side mirror, when the dust settled a bit, Bes saw the the new nut owner still standing in the same spot, looking at the 2 ton monster that had just missed because Bes had swirled the car a bit to the right. The squirrel moved a bit towards the side, and then looked at Bes again, as if to say to Bes “Come back here and fight you sissy!” Bes knew better, and kept on driving towards home.

The car brakes sounded and felt weird on the way. Bes parked near the house and started driving around and reversing once in a while, in order to check the brakes. The brakes kept rubbing against something and shaking the car from time to time. That was bad. A nearby mechanic was open, so Bes drove there very slowly, making sure no other nutty squirrels got threatened by nutty Bes along the way. The mechanic was going to close within 20 minutes, so an appointment was scheduled for Bes for the following day at 9 in the morning. The last time I checked, Bes was hoping the repairs do not cost too much. Otherwise, it would be hard to ask a brave squirrel to pay up half of the money for the unexpected adventure that both the squirrel and Bes had gone through over a small nut.

The squirrel is out there….

Bes decided to write about the interesting incident with the nut and the nutty squirrel instead of the nice topic that was brewing in Bes’s head earlier. That other nice topic shall be posted tomorrow. I am sure the squirrel is also telling other squirrels in Berkeley about Bes driving off and not wanting to fight a squirrel which was willing to give its life over a nut. Bes just hopes the squirrel does not know where Bes lives. Bes also hopes that the squirrel does not know about this post.

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