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1. How did you start your site? What is it about?

   I guess you could say my blog has its beginnings in late 2002, not long after I found out I was pregnant. I had seen a friend do something similar, and I thought it was a great idea to add a section to my already existing (genealogy) site where friends and relatives who aren’t around can get updates on the pregnancy, photos, etc. This carried on through the whole pregnancy and I sort of quit there.

   But in October 2003 when I had a three-month-old and some extra time on my hands, I thought I’d pick it all back up. I had such great fun at it all that I got the blog its own domain name and as time progressed I was getting more attention from strangers than family and it turned into more of a diary and lifelog than just baby updates and photos.

   Also, when I started, the site was just an html page that I updated with the dates and so there were no direct comments on entries. I had one page where people could leave a message and still have those posts. When I moved to actual blogging, I later had to track down those old posts via archive.org and them. I think I lost some of them in the process.

2. How do readers play a part in your site?

   I think I stand in the middle with this. On one hand, I really do not care if people visit and leave comments - after all, that’s how I started, never dreaming anyone who did not already know me would care and there are lots of things that I post that I just know will bore everyone else but I write them down anyway for me - but on the other hand, it does matter to me. Over the course of time, I’ve met some really great people through this whole blogging thing and I often really desire their input and validation. They
   are real friends to me, not just people who come and go, and I highly value their friendship and opinions.

   There have even been several occasions when I’ve asked for advice regarding my candle business, what scents people would be interested in. Both regular visitors and one-time visitors were very helpful in helping me choose scents to make that would suit a variety of people and not just myself.

3. When you started the site, what did you expect from the readers? Were those expectations met?

   Since I had started it all as a family thing, I had expected my family to at least pay somewhat attention. However, I wasn’t so lucky in that respect, especially after I got the separate domain for the site. My family (this includes uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) sort of missed the change altogether (not that they had paid attention much past the initial pregnancy updates anyway) and, as far as I’m aware, none of them visit today, or even know the site exists, with the exception of two in-laws. What I ended up with was a couple of visitors for several months until other bloggers began to visit and make their presence known.

4. You get a lot of supportive comments, and you also get a lot of critical comments and comments which attack you personally. You are one of the bloggers who has sparked a lot of opposition due to your posts regarding Geek Squad and DHL. What do you think of the people who support you and the people who disagree with you on posts revolving around those companies? Has any company directly or indirectly retaliated because of your posts?

   When it comes to posting the ugly side of a company or pointing out a company’s mistakes, you’re bound to gather attention. There seems to be four types of people that respond to these posts. There are the friends who know I’m not just making stuff up and they offer their support for me, and indignation towards whatever it may be that has caused my grief.

   The second group is made up of those who have had their own problems with the company. They find me via search engines or other people who have shared their stories and linked me. They tend to just want someone to rant to about their issues, sometimes they want advice on where to turn next; they’re typically the biggest group of the four.

   The third group is typically smallest, the people who say they’ve not had a problem at all with that company, “but, whatever.” The fourth group is usually the most fun. These people are, for some reason or another, outraged that I would dare say anything negative about a large company; many admit to being employees of the company while others’ IP addresses tell on them. While some are nice and can agree to disagree, in my experience, most of these people take it personally and then proceed to act as such. However, they mostly seem to be lone gunmen. I have never had a company directly contact me about my postings nor are my postings wide-spread enough for me to be recognized when I am forced to deal with these companies “in real life” (especially since by the time I’m posting about them, I’m typically already boycotting them).

   I have had two occasions where an employee and then a different employee’s wife went to other, unrelated articles in my blog with other nasty comments but that’s been the worst of it. I don’t really have a general opinion regarding the people who agree or
   disagree with me, they are all given equal chance and profane language is edited out no matter which side of the fence they’re on. Also, I don’t respond to every comment. Sometimes I ignore comments, good or bad, depending on the amount of time I have.

5. Has earning money online played any part in dealing with commentors? For example, would you turn off comments if advertisers paid you to do so, or would you allow certain personal attacking comments if you were paid to leave the comments on and uncensored on some posts?

   I have personally never heard of either of those scenarios and they present an interesting dilemma. I think I would have to take that in a case-by-case basis. How much money are you offering? I really don’t think I could answer this question until I were to know all the specifics.

6. Have your blogging, other online or offline habits or behavior changed because of either the supportive or criticizing comments?

   Someone who visits my blog and calls me a nasty name because of my view of the Geek Squad doesn’t have me lying awake at night upset. At most I may wonder for a few minutes on how I should respond, if at all, but then I move on. However, there have been times where I have taken to heart things that commentors have said. Usually this is in regards to a parenting issue I feel lost at or some other life issue. My actions may be affirmed, and I will continue at how I am behaving, or someone may offer advice and I will try that out, too. The only real things that have changed have been due to an online stalker and a friend whom I had a falling out with.

   Because of those situations, I have taken many things private (only visible to friends and family I trust, or even sometimes just myself) that may have otherwise been posted publicly.

7. How do you deal with such comments, and commentors, that attack you personally?

   I pretty much handle this on a case-by-case basis. I think it also depends on the mood I’m in - haha (I /am/ after all, a woman).
   Typically, because of the moderation rules I employ, these comments will go straight to moderation (dependent upon how old the post is). If I feel I have something substantial or witty to say back to this person (or even if I have nothing to say), I may approve the comment and reply (or say nothing). If I’m unsure about it, I might check to see if they’ve subscribed to the comments or if they’ve left what appears to be a real name, email address, and/or URL.

   In other words, I’m more apt to give answer if they really seem interested in one rather than bash-and-run. If I get the feeling they’re bash-and-run and the comment is extraordinarily mean and/or full of profanity, there’s a good chance I’ll just delete it (especially when they have nothing new to add to the conversation like is common on the Geek Squad thread where they all have the same points/complaints).

From comments to commentors, Spoken-For keeps on speaking

From the above interview and the links presented within it, you can see a lot of trends that go along with that I said in a previous post titled “Disagree with arguments, not with people who argue.” Also, one can see from Valerie’s experience above as to how the shape of a site can change from being a simple website to being a blog, yet the function of the site remains exactly the same: to allow for a place for Valerie to express herself. What do you think?

Do you have any questions?

That is all for this time. Stay tuned for the next part of the interview soon, where I asked Valerie about the possibility of closing down comments section, the comparison between her blog and her online business, online stalkers, and more.

Please let me or Valerie know about any opinions, thoughts, or questions you can think of either by e-mailing me or Valerie, or by leaving a comment below.

Thank you for reading.

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An example of an intrusive ad

I run into intrusive ads all the time. A good example of an intrusive ad is on Yahoo Games, where I sometimes play some games with Valerie. Whenever I go into any game room, I am taken to a full-page advertisement where I have to click a “Continue” link to proceed to the actual game page. That is an intrusive form of advertising, disrupting my normal browsing experience where I am forced to see an ad before I am allowed to play any game. Following is an example of what users usually see before they can get to any Yahoo game:

An intrusive ad takes time away from me without my consent, even when I am agreeing to play a free game. An intrusive ad also makes me go through extra steps before I am able to get to the things I want. Therefore, an intrusive ad is not good in my opinion.

An example of non-intrusive ads combined with an intrusive ads

Magazines sometimes contain more ads than actual content written by the magazine writers. However, people usually expect ads in the last few pages of a magazine, as those ads are usually classified ads. Classified ads are usually not intrusive like the full page ads that you run into while in the middle of reading interesting magazine articles. A full page ad in a magazine is an ad that you see while reading a magazine; such an ad can waste your time. By comparison, a non-intrusive ad at both an expected and an unexpected place usually does not waste any time for the observer, nor does it promote strong feelings of uneasiness.

For example, imagine you are reading an article on page 22 in a magazine and run into full-page ads on page 23 and 24. You have no choice but to keep flipping pages to get to page 25 to continue reading the article you were reading on page 22. The ads on page 23 and 24 are intrusive ads. Placing full page ads in between articles may get people to look at those ads, but they also ruin the reading experience because of causing unwanted interruptions. Placing ads at the end of the magazine where there is no content but only ads saves the readers time, as the readers will know where to find ads and where to find articles. Even placing small ads on pages with actual content is better than a full-page ad that disrupts the flow of an article.

However, placing a lot of small ads on actual content pages can have the same effect as a full-page ad, as having too many small non-intrusive ads promotes distraction. On the other hand, having full-page ads on the inside covers of a magazine works very well, as a user is usually not expecting content on the inside covers.

Examples of a non-intrusive ads

In the offline world, you see ads in buses, on car bumpers and even in many places and on many products in your own home. Even when you buy clothes, you are basically buying a piece of garment that comes with a brand name tag attached with it that reminds you repeatedly about the company that sold you that shirt. I have even seen ads in some public restrooms in spaces sold to advertisers by the property owners.

I saw an example of a non-intrusive ad while at the Bay Street Emeryville Shopping Center in the Bay Area last night. At the shopping center, you enter a parking structure to park your car and get a parking permission ticket that you have to pay for and then return to the staff before you leave the parking structure. To see the example of a non-intrusive ad, please take a look at the following snapshot of the parking permission ticket I got last night and think of anything strange or interesting you notice in it:

Did you notice anything interesting in the above snapshot, other than the fact that I paid for the ticket at exactly midnight, and that I got to keep the ticket even though I said earlier that people leaving the parking structure need to return such tickets? The important thing I noticed among other distracting things is the name of the parking structure gate from which I entered: “Ikea Entry 1.”

Interestingly enough, there is an Ikea store right next to the parking structure. Whether intentional or non-intentional, naming a parking structure entrance “Ikea Entry 1” is non-intrusive advertising. That name fulfills the need to have a name for the entrance, while acting as a non-intrusive ad for Ikea too. That small line of text does not waste my time, and I do not pay anything more than what I owe for parking.

How some forms of non-intrusive ads can upset people

Of course, abusing non-intrusive advertising can look weird to customers also. Take the Angels of Anaheim baseball team as an example, located in Anaheim, Orange County, California. In 2005, the Los Angeles county, located right next to Orange County, managed to get the team name changed to Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in order to market to people who knew Los Angeles more than Anaheim. This resulted in many people criticizing the new long name. The city of Anaheim sued the team because of a contract in which the team had agreed to market only Anaheim through their official team name.

Such a name change is an intrusive ad by Los Angeles, even though the original name acted as a non-intrusive ad by Anaheim. Why? Because the brand name people were looking for previously now had an element which stood against the very reason those people trusted the brand name in the first place: the name of the city which was in their own county of residence.

Non-intrusive ads can create more trust compared to intrusive ads

While advertising is getting more creative, it is also somehow getting more intrusive. Displaying creative advertising that is not intrusive in people’s lives helps build an innocent and reputable brand in the long run. Advertisements are going to be around for a while, so why not make them simple, easy and non-intrusive for the customer? If you do not push your product in ways that disrupts the lives or habits of customers, you are respecting your customer.

Put your ads in places where the only reaction a customer may have is “Hmmm, that is cool“, instead of a reaction that shows frustration of any sort. Treat your customers as human beings, the same way you are supposed to treat your blog readers. Respect others and find out what is important to them and what kind of actions could help and hurt them. People will respect you for that by listening to what you have to say.

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Disagreements teach us new things. Agreements tell us that someone else agrees with us. Would you prefer one over the other?

Disagreeing with someone because of logic does not make you evil, nor does it mean you are disrespecting. Disagreement shows that you have the ability to look at things differently. If your disagree logically, others should actually appreciate your disagreement as that allows them to look at things differently. To have a good relationship of any sort, the hard thing is not to find the right person who agrees with everything you say. The hard thing is to find the right person that you can co-exist with in the face of any disagreements.

If you try to find someone who agrees to everything you say, you are basically finding someone who will not show you anything new in life. The two of you will not learn much together, let alone teach each other anything new. Why would you look for relationships if you wanted to find someone exactly like you? Why not buy a mirror instead?

Disagreements online can help co-exist with others better

Making friends online should not depend on finding people with similar tastes. Making online friends should be based on how you feel around others. I notice a growing trend on many blogs where many people keep agreeing to everything many high profile profile bloggers have to say, even if requires giving up realistic logic. It is as if many people cannot think uniquely and differently, or are not strong enough to disagree and say “I have a different opinion.” Is friendship or respect supposed to be mostly based on feelings of trust and respect, or does friendship and respect depend on how much you agree with someone?

How being friends regardless of us agreeing or disagreeing works for me and my friend

Take Valerie as an example. We have less similarities in life than most offline friends do, yet we are good friends and communicate effectively on an almost daily basis. Why? Because we have one important similarity: we realize that we have differences, and we realize that having differences do not only amount to bad things. How do we continue to be friends? We always talk about the differences in opinions while focusing on the similarities and also understanding the different logics and reasons in things we explain and tell each other.

Disagreements make us realize that the other person has feelings and the ability to think on their own also. Valerie and I respect each other even more because of that realization. Similarities can bring people closer, and so can differences. Acknowledging the differences and realizing that we can co-exist with people who are different than us can create better levels of trusts than usual.

Maintaining friendship in a sea of agreements is good. Maintaining friendship in an ocean of disagreements can be even better.

When it comes to communicating with others, it does not matter whether or not there are more agreements or disagreements. The only thing that matters is if people can get along with each other even when there are differences or disagreements. That is one of the only ways to have a good friendship, a good long-term relationship, and even marriage, not necessarily in that order though. And not necessarily all of them with the same person either.

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Successful people do not copy others

Successful people do not copy others, nor do they mimic the efforts of their role models. A dedicated person should already have an idea of what they want and how they want it in order to be able to learn from the mistakes and advice of others. That is where the role models come in: their mistakes and advices can help you in your blogging efforts. The very concept of a role model is there so you can learn things in order to help you with what you have already set your mind on doing. A role model is not supposed to dictate what you should do.

There is no “next” big thing

Many people who look up to other people for everything without trying something creative and unique on their own depend on others to lead the whole way. These people unfortunately believe in the widespread myth that they can be the next “something“, where that “something” is usually considered to be something like ProBlogger, CopyBlogger, IBM, Microsoft, Tupperware, Nokia, Clint Eastwood, Al Pacino and many other entities which are considered icons by different groups of people for different reasons. The reality is that there will never be a “next” anything in this world.

Anything effective and successful is always unique. You cannot be the next-anything; you have to be you in order to develop your own icon and model that others can look up to. You can be successful in things you want to do, but if you want to copy someone in order to have the same success, you should start analyzing the nature of your goals. Chances are your goals will be similar to the goals of your role models since you initially copied their efforts with the hopes of achieving similar success.

I try to learn from many other people

Try to learn from the mistakes and success of others and apply such knowledge to your own plans and strategies. Be your own “next” thing if you absolutely cannot let go of the “next-something” myth. Mimicking and following others will only result in you looking to others for guidance for everything and forever. I do my best everyday to do something that I feel is my own work instead of doing something simply because someone successful is doing it. I do not automatically respect a site simply because a million other people respect that site. I observe sites for my own analysis and if I feel someone is sharing a thing that I can learn from, I appreciate that person and I apply the new knowledge to my own life and online efforts.

Take John Chow as an example for something I think I did that I did not need to do. These days, I somehow feel that choosing the “dot Com” as part of a new name for my site may have been influenced a bit because of John Chow [your fault John], whose site name is “JOHN CHOW DOT COM.” Thus I have been thinking lately of stripping that last part since “The Reasoner” name will suit me better. If I can realize that something was influenced by someone else when it doesn’t go along with what is good for me and my site, I think such realization is golden and I should address the situation and learn to avoid doing things without specific reasons, no matter how small they are.

I myself try to learn from many different people like Copyblogger, John Chow and Darren Rowse who runs Problogger. I also learn from almost every site in my links section, including Valerie, SP, Ronalfy, Daniel, Vera, Nicole, Sawai and many others. Help others and learn from them also. Apply small tips and help you observe from other bloggers you look up to in order to make your own blogging efforts better.

Learn from others to be successful in your efforts

Observe your role models for tips and advice you can apply to the blogging efforts you are already focusing on your own. That is the only way to succeed. Everything and everyone that has made a difference in this world, both online and offline, either has their own unique character and entity since the beginning, or they learnt to have a unique character and entity along the way by learning from others and their own efforts. Try to follow that principle as your role model and you will achieve a lot.

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