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I am trying to bring the debate back to the common points, since debating about two different things is going to go in circles. So I will try to include all points in this response, including all of your concerns too. Please let me know if I miss anything, if am confusing the issue more than necessary by going into too much detail or after some point that can be ignored, since I want to make sure you and George do not feel offended in any manner, since my original post wasn’t directed at you or the art of using contact forms but at Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint and the supposed approach taken to contact me, and the real approach that did happen.

You asked for proof that more than 2 people got the e-mail, right? That is a good and valid question. Instead of me offering any answer, the Admins responded here, saying that they sent e-mails to 4-5 people and using copy-pasted templates:

My Assumption of my MyBiggestComplaint Complaint about MyBiggestComplaint

Does that suffice? I also replied there, addressing the admin since he/she explained what they did. It seems they did e-mail me and about 4 other authors, with the same e-mail, though with good intentions. Again, the point is not that someone contacted me through my contact form and I am going to annihiliate the universe; the point I was making is the “perception.” My entire post talks about views, assumptions, perceptions, and doubts in various forms. Please tell me something: is that not a nice or logical way to point out what one things is a bad thing, by assuming only, doubting your own self, and doubting different assumptions too, and making sure there is ample room for anyone to come and criticize myself also? And all in public? Isn’t that the only proper way to criticize a tactic one does not appreciate? Or should I simply post “Tommy spammed me. MyBiggestComplaint.com are spammers. Boycott the spammers!”? I hope not, since I’m not good at pointing out fingers without any doubts or ways for someone to disagree with me, if I was to communicate an idea. Communicate is the key here, and not dictatorship. Even dictators communicate more than forcing things and not allowing any critics.

Ronald is aiming for a fair discussion

Also, regarding Ronald, the poor chap is only doing his job, making sure that one of his authors does not get criticized in disguise unethically, and the anonymous factors give one an advantage over the other. Wouldn’t you do something similar to what Ronald is trying to do? Imagine: he was aiming to ask for the real identity for someone criticizing someone else on his site, which is fine even if it is not revealed. Did you know that Ronald, when I told him about this post, was the one who said “Make sure you have all your facts and assumptions straight.” I apologize personally if you feel offended; Ronald is running a very nice site and concept here, trying to make his authors more popular and succeed instead of himself. I feel bad for anyone going after him or anyone else on this site, no matter how right I may be, because of my post. He has policies, and so do admins at MyBiggestComplaint; my comment there had names included, “Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint”, and the name was removed by the MyBiggestComplaint admin because it was against the policy. That is 100% awesome, since policies exist to do some use hopefully for both the site and the readers, and I appreciate it completely too, specially since my complaint involves several assumptions and that I may be wrong on some levels [read below to please find out that I was right on all levels, and that the spam assumption is not valid anymore because the admin over at MyBiggestComplaint says that they had good intentions, which is nice. Thanks admin!] Ronald responded to Goerge’s comment already, so hopefully Goerge and Ronald should be happy with each other now [I hope], and if not, George can ask more.

Also, I am SO glad that Ronald found the above comment in the spam. Sure, it’s critical in the eyes of many, but it raises an important point: how does Bes go about assuming something like this, and when approached, how do others and Bes defend their assumptions or agree that some of their assumptions may be wrong? I have already pointed in my original post that I may be wrong, and in my above comment too, and in this very comment, I am assuming 100% that at least one of my assumption fears has been quelled because the admin from MyBiggestComplaint said that he/she/they did e-mail different authors the same e-mail, but they had good intentions. I love good intentions, and I like it. Ronald has good intentions too, and I like that too. I hope you and George like it too.

I complemented MyBiggestComplaint on purpose for one main reason: I assumed something negative about them. Is it bad to complement someone you are pointing out in a complaint?

Thanks for reading my complaint over at mybiggestcomplaint.com . Did you read the last part of my comment above? I clearly stated that I was happy that my complaint was posted; the screenshot was posted in case my complaint wasn’t approved. That screenshot gives MyBiggestComplaint more advantage, as I show that even though I am doubting something, something else is clearly a very good thing. Why would you consider it “calling out” someone when the admins themselves don’t think it was calling out someone? I wasn’t thinking of that. I actually congratulated the admins in my comment above, saying that they did approve my complaint and that such services rock that allow complaints of their own service. I have a character where if I see something positive or something doubtful in my own assumption, I will point it out. I don’t like criticizing someone completely if I can avoid it. Is it a bad thing to ever talk about doubts or good intentions about someone when questioning the motives of something or that someone? It seems that even if I doubt myself or appreciate something about MyBiggestComplaint, some people think that what I am and was arguing originally should never be argued; am I being expected to be 100% critical and not doubtful at all. Should I be criticizing MyBiggestComplaints on all levels and everything possible, since it seems that doing or saying anything nice is taken out of proportion without any doubt, even though my own initial post sends a lot of doubt to anyone who reads it because I start the post itself by saying clearly that I am questioning a lot of things and that I may be wrong. I like questioning things before assuming; that is why my entire assumptions are based on questions. Like I said before, questions are better than assumptions.

Also, no matter what is said now, it doesn’t matter how things at handled now, since like I said I love services which do not censor people, whether on their own or because of fear of being criticized; I took the screenshot clearly also to show george that I was using the site and not just criticizing it, thus putting myself in a position deliberately in public to show “Hey, Bes is using the site and complaining? Whaaa?” so that I can show how serious I am about my assumptions and about me doubting my own assumptions.

My initial post is about the way I was bulk e-mailed and how I still see it as spam. It has been over 24 hours, and no reply from Tommy. That is ok; it seems you and george are doing a good job at responding, and the admin and another commentor over at the site have also done a good job at responding. I am not sure why you would be feeling berated or patronized [again, that is sincerely not my intention] when I am only talking about Tommy’s way of contacting me.

Someone responding nicely now has nothing to do with what happened earlier. They are 2 separate issues.

Also, this is very important: The admins can respond to me nicely on their site now, and I like that. Does that change most my post? No. What does responding to my post online now have to do with bulk e-mailing me before to get me to the site? The admins can donate $1 billion to orphanages today, and that will still not change the fact that I was bulk e-mailed; the tactic used to lure me in or make that site more popular was and is the point of my original post and my comment. Does that make sense? See the point I am trying to make? No matter what is being done, the issue still stands. However, the admins have clearly admitted that they did the above. So everything stands other than the “Spam labeling.” From the admin’s reactions, it seems that they did all of what I said in the post except spam. So, everything is correct except spamming, since spam is debatable, and they say their intention was good, which is nice. I am glad I left a lot of room for doubting some or all of my own assumptions; isn’t that good?

Initial assumptions based on the fact of bulk e-mailing, and their validity

I like the admin’s comment, and so far, it seems my following assumptions are valid [I'll add or remove if I remember something more]:

1. I was contacted via bulk e-mail, or as the commentor on the site said, in an e-mail sent to more than one person, someone contacted me using templates advertising a service. That is fine; like I said, I am using the service on purpose to show a point. I appreciate being contacted directly to try a product or a service.
2. I was lured to the site assuming I was the only one contacted. Eh, I wasn’t. This is transparency, but the admin has responded now, which is very nice.
3. My e-mails were never answered, but admin has answered me personally via the comment and via e-mail [yes, he/she responded to me after I filed the complaint], which is very nice too!

Also, I am not patronizing you but answering; I hope George didn’t get patronized or offended by an answer or my answer, and I hope you don’t either.

Basic summary: I questioned something, assumed that I was being bulk e-mailed and spammed, lured away from another person running the same idea, however, I also posted clearly and directly about my assumptions probably being doubtful and wrong, about me probably taking some things out of proportion, me appreciating any nice thing on MyBiggestComplaint, and me clearly acknowledging that admins are explaining stuff, etc [I will add more here if I can remember].

Isn’t that an awesome way to analyze critically and with open doubt and counter-claims in theory, which is what I was doing?

Ok, I hope that is clear enough. Now, if I can be excused again, I must go eat! Please let me know what you think, and also feel free to say anything here.

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Following are 5 random reasons you may be hiding from other people online on instant messengers and other forms of live, instant communication.

1. You are busy

   You may be working on some projects online, or you may be researching something online. You may even have accidentally opened your instant messenger program to check e-mails or something. However, someone has caught you, and now they are continuously talking about different things. In the future, you just remain offline or invisible because you are busy and do not want to be disturbed. You may even be just wanting to go to sleep at night, and thus you turn off your instant messenger or your computer.

2. You think you have done something wrong

   You may have stolen someone’s design or ideas. You may have even said or done something in public, whether good or bad, and may want to avoid people who may ask you embarrassing questions. For example, I know people who have tried to hide from online people because one of them told his friends that he was gay, and the other one told her friends about dating a close friend’s ex. Whatever the reason, you may feel as if your action of any sort may be being taken in a negative manner, even if what you did was a good thing in your view.

3. You want to avoid the other person

   You may have some grudge or some feeling against another person. You may even have strong, good feelings for the other person. You may simply not want to talk to a person because you want to talk to them for long, and you may not have enough free time right now. Such feelings and thoughts may result in you wanting to avoid that specific person only. One of the ways to do that would be to stay offline, to block someone, or to even come online during times when the other person is usually not online.

4. You do not know how to, or do not want to, interact with others online

   One of the things many people may not realize is that they may not be good at communicating and interacting with others, either offline or online, or even both. People may be shy, or they may not feel like talking to people most of the time. Whatever the reason may be, many people come online only to talk about specific, absolutely necessary things like personal or business related issues, and then they go offline right away.

   You may also simply not like communicating with others. That is why going online and telling others about your daily personal events or even work-related jokes may not sound appealing to you.

5. You have a great offline life

   This can probably be the simplest or the most complex reason for many people. For you, your offline life overshadows the online one completely, and there is probably nothing online that you cannot find in your offline life. You prefer being offline, as it makes you more happy. You do not feel the need to go online that much, or at all. Cell phones, meeting people in person, mailing postal letters, doing offline activities, and even e-mailing people sounds better to you than chatting instantly with people online.

That is a list of various reasons you and others may want to hide from other online people. These are not the only reasons people hide from others online, though these reasons will give you a good idea how our own personal and offline mentality about things is resulting in us applying many offline principles to the online world.

Can you think of more reasons why you or someone else may be hiding from others in the online world of chats and instant messengers? Do you agree with the above points, or disagree with any point? Have you ever thought about such a topic and such reasons? What is your opinion on this?

Thank you for reading.

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Offline people knowing about your blog:

If your offline contacts know about your blog, your friends or family can probably easily find out about the business you do online, about the things you write about, about the way you express yourself to the online world, etc. Your offline contacts may also know that you write good or bad things about them, even if you use nicknames to describe them.

Offline people not knowing about your blog:

If your offline contacts do not know about your blog, your friends or family will not know about your online activities. If they search for your name, search engines may not show up any result since you may have worked hard to ensure that your site stays away from any search engine radars. You can blog about the people you know in person and they will not be able to easily find out that you are writing about them, even if you use their real names. Simply Precious is an example where a blogger is trying to blog while maintaining privacy from the offline world.

So, do you want your family and offline friends to find out and know more about your blog? Or do you want to keep your blog hidden from your offline friends? Do you want offline people that you know to visit your blog?

Please let me know, thank you.

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Controlling stress does not mean we have no stress

Controlling a situation can be an interesting thing, though controlling a stressful situation does not mean a person is able to handle the situation. A person could be able to negotiate their way out of an argument, but they may be feeling alienated from the person they argued with. A person may be able to clear a misunderstanding, but that person may also end up severing their relationship with someone else in the long run. A person may even be able to fix critical problems on their blog and avoid any damage, though they may end up acting rude for a long time to online people, or even acting different in the offline world.

We may be transferring online stress to the other parts of life

Whatever change that results in a person after or during a stressful situation, it can be because of the stressful situation. We may be inclined to think that we become moody because our friend calls us too much while we blog, though in reality we may be becoming moody anytime we blog. We may not be realizing that we are shifting our stress onto different things instead of actually working on reducing the stress itself. We may think blogging is not stressing us, but we may be feeling stress from lack of sleep, lack of enough food, lack of having friends, lack of exercising, lack of relaxing time, or almost anything else in the offline world. In reality, those other forms of stress may have been born because of our initial and real stress that may be stemming because of blogging, or any other online activity or situation.

Online stress and offline stress both have one thing in common: Stress

So far, I am noticing that people are treating online stress completely different than offline stress. I think there are differences between online stress and offline stress, the same way there are differences between different kinds of offline stress. However, one thing that many bloggers are forgetting is that both online and offline stress result in us being stressed. The critical element to consider is not that we experience and want to handle online stress, but that we are handling stress. Once we realize that, we can focus on the online nature of some stress in order to come up with a good way to try to reduce or eliminate the stress.

What do you think? Do you handle online stress the same way you handle offline stress? Do you think that handling online stress sometimes does not work as we may start stressing in the offline world, as a result of online stress? Do you think I am on the right track to tackling this issue?

Thanks for reading.

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Is posting a conversation on your blog the same as telling it to someone in person?

While it may seem that posting non-private or non-sensitive conversations on your blog may be fine, posting your conversation with someone on your blog may not be the same as telling it face to face. Some people may have no issues with having their conversations posted online, while other people may think that you should not post their conversations online because then all sorts of online strangers, people that even you may not know, will know about some conversation and views about a person. A person may feel better knowing that their conversation is known by people they can find out or meet in person compared to knowing that their conversation is known by online people that they will probably never be able to meet.

I have myself posted some non-personal and non-sensitive conversations in the past on this site, like my favorite “An Off-topic introduction with an old man.” It makes me wonder about a lot of things today, like if the old man still lived in the same house, or if he would hunt me down if he came across this conversation online. Maybe it is a good thing that I moved away not only from his neighborhood but also from his city.

What is your view on this? Do you think people will react differently if they saw their conversations being shared via blogs in the online world compared to being shared in person the offline world?

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While it may seem that many bloggers are blogging because the concept of blogging may be cool, what many of us are not focusing on is that many bloggers are blogging because it makes them feel important, because of the fact that online people get to listen to what they have to say through blogs. Bloggers are probably like covered tea pots on fire, waiting to boil up and spill out emotions, emotions that can be important or random. The focus is on expressing any emotion, and not on what is being expressed.

Are we blogging because of desperation? Do we feel deprived from expressing ourselves in the busy offline life to such an extent that we are willing to vent through blogs about anything and everything? Venting emotions is not only limited to complaining; we can simply be expressing whatever we can, because it may feel better to be heard, seen, listened to or felt through our blogs throughout the day, whereas in the offline world we may not be even noticed by others.

What is your opinion on the idea of blogging simply to be heard?

What do you think? Do you think blogs are famous simply because people feel that they can talk to someone online and be heard, thus fulfilling the inner desire to be heard by others?

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Getting It Together Conference Schedule

Here is the Getting It Together Conference Schedule. I have listed three time zones for each specific session: Eastern Standard Time [EST], Pacific Standard Time [PST] and Greenwich Mean [very mean!] Time [GMT]. You can convert time zones to your own local time zone, to determine which sessions you would like to, and can, attend. The schedule may look a bit messy; it is being updated even right now, so please bear with me while I work on the cosmetic details.

Please remember: the conference will be happening on Thoughts & Philosophies. Simply refresh that site to see the new seminar sessions load up at the specific times below. Also, please see if you can participate and be part of this conference by commenting and asking any question on your mind.

• Dismissing the junk, it doesn’t pay the rent (if it doesn’t give pleasure, or is redundant and meaningless, don’t bother with it)

  First session: May 11th USA EST: 12 - 1 pm, PST: 9 - 10 am, GMT : 4 - 5 pm

  Rick Cockrum, USA, Shards of Consciousness

  Second Session: May 12th USA EST: 3 - 4 am, PST: 12 - 1 am, GMT: 7 - 8 am

  Chris Owen, Australia, Pink Apple Connection

• Long-term projects need short-term attention (tend to the small details and the big picture will fall into place)

  First session:May 11th USA EST: 12 - 1 pm, PST: 9 - 10 am, GMT : 4 - 5 pm

  Either Carolyn Manning or Bes Zain

  Second session: May 11th USA EST: 11 pm - 12 am [Mat 12th], PST: 8 - 9 pm, May 12th GMT: 3 - 4 am

  Nneka, Trinidad, Balanced Life Center

• Siesta time (optimum productivity needs regular R&R)

  First session: May 11th USA EST: 2 - 3 pm, PST: 11 - 12 pm, GMT: 6 - 7 pm

  Kirsten Harrel, Think Positive! Blog

  Second session: May 11th USA EST: 10 - 11 pm, PST: 7 - 8 pm, May 12th GMT: 2 - 3 am

  Leah Maclean, Australia, Working Solo

• Today’s urgencies often mean nothing tomorrow

  First session: May 11th USA EST: 3 - 4 pm, PST: 12 - 1 pm, GMT: 7 - 8 pm

  Jessica Doyle, Canada, jessicadoyle.ca

  Second session: May 12th USA EST: 1 - 2 am, May 11th USA PST: 10 - 11 pm, May 12th GMT: 5 - 6 am

  Klearchos Kapoutsis, Greece, Klearchos Guide to the Galaxy

• Scheduling your best life (how to plan daily/long-term goals)

  First session: May 11th USA EST: 4 - 5 pm, PST: 1 - 2 pm, GMT: 8 - 9 pm

  Bes Zain, USA, The Reasoner

  Second session: May 12th USA EST: 12 - 1 am, May 11th USA PST: 9 - 10 pm, May 12th GMT: 4 - 5 am

  Lyman Reed, USA, Creating a Better Life

• Prioritizing before you go crazy (do the important things first, even if they’re not the easiest)

  First session: May 11th USA EST: 5 - 6 pm, PST: 2 - 3 pm, GMT: 9 - 10 pm

  Carma Dutra, USA, Carma’s Window

  Second session: May 12th USA EST: 2 - 3 am, May 11th USA PST: 11 pm - 12 am [May 12th], May 12th GMT: 6 - 7 am

  TechZ, Bahrain, TechZ Online

Thank you for reading so far. Please let me know if you have any questions. See you all at the conference, which is going to happen right in your own personal browser.

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Example of online communication hindering your ability to deal with interruptions

Take the concept of interruptions, for example. Some people I know are starting to get frustrated right away if someone interrupts them in any manner during discussions. If you are such a person, you probably used to be all right with interruptions before they dove deep into the world of online chats. Why do you get frustrated then? Because in the online world, you keep typing stuff while not feeling interrupted.

Even if someone types something while you are typing, you can probably still get full attention for your written words in an online chat window. However, when you say something in real life and someone disagrees or interrupts you, you feel offended, even if you usually interrupt others, even if you usually interrupt others, as you have probably gotten used to not feeling interrupted while chatting on different instant messengers.

Example of how having experience in online dispute management does not mean you are good at dealing with disputes in person

Similarly, take the concept of arguments and disputes. Some people have started to forget how to negotiate or how to make someone feel better. I met a friend recently who provides online customer support for a greeting cards company. He answers a lot of e-mails to calm down many upset customers, and to find a resolution to customer issues. While I was having lunch with him, he accidentally pushed back his chair to stand up to get more napkins, and caused a nearby woman to drop her soda on her clothes. She was furious, as she had to go back to office with those wet clothes. Even though my friend started apologizing, the woman kept getting more upset every second. I then realized why: my friend was saying only one word “sorry” again and again while looking around and at the floor, nervously.

Sometimes, people need to be looked into the eyes to be shown that someone is sorry for their behavior. Even my friend said later “I think it would have been better if I had looked her in the eye and acknowledged that I understand.” Now, even if that method had not worked, at least my friend would have tried something. Imagine someone who is experienced at resolving online disputes, but does not know how to calm down an upset person in person.

It is important to realize which skills are better suited for online communication, and which skills are better for offline communication

As more and more people dive into the world of blogging, we are slowly losing track of how our online communication skills are affecting and changing our offline communication skills, and vice versa. Some changes are good in my view, while others simply hinder effective communication as I am experiencing lately.

I am sensing that as people get more comfortable chatting online, some people are starting to confuse the thin line that separates the way we behave online and the way we behave in person. It may be all right to tell someone online “I am so sorry ” in an online chat window, but if you say that in the offline world, you facial expression, your body, your behavior and everything you control needs to reflect the sorry state that you just expressed to someone. Otherwise, you are probably going to look like a fool and may end up hurting someone unintentionally.

What is your opinion on this?

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I have been blogging for more than 6 years in different forms, so there are a few things I enjoy about blogging. So far, the money factor is not one of the top 5 things I enjoy about blogging, so I am happy to actually write what I want instead of writing something I do not want in order to earn money.

5 things I enjoy about blogging

Following is a list of 5 things I enjoy about blogging:

1. I meet other people.

   This is one of the best things, if not the best, that I enjoy about blogging. I meet many other people through my site. I have realized that blogging is an amazing way to develop real friendships, as it is really not that hard to convert an online friendship into an offline friendship. All we need is the will to experiment with different things to see which elements will result in better friendship bonds, as Ronald recently explained in his post “Discover Your Readers Through Goodwill.” The same concept applies to business relationships.

2. I find out what my own thoughts really mean.

   Many times I will start writing a post, thinking I am going to write something specific, and as I write, I realize that there were many things on my mind that I never paid much attention to. As I write an article, those other things come to light, and sometimes I will write about things in great details, even when I wanted to write about something in general. This is good, as I learn more about my own thoughts as I lay them down for practical use.

3. I find out more about the validity of my reasoning through blogging.

   As I write and edit my own writing on topics I otherwise rarely think about, I change my own opinion on a lot of things. I find out where my logic and reasoning works perfectly, and where I need to find out alternative ideas in order to come up with the answer.

4. I learn through comments.

   My blog is a lecture and a discussion board heading in two directions: I am telling you something through my writing and discussing it with you by allowing comments on this site. At the same time, you are telling me something through your comments and discussing it with me by taking the time to actually let me know about your views on certain topics. The guest blogging initiative should help me give you more power on this site.

5. I learn about other people through their blogs and comments.

   The same way you can find out more about people through what they say, you can gradually find out more about people through what they write. This is a really important point in my view, as I can slowly find out what people really think and what they really are through their writing, even if they try to portray a character that is different than what they really are.

Those are 5 of the many other things I enjoy about blogging. Is there anything on the list that you also consider enjoyable? Do you have any comments or suggestions on anything in the list, or on this meme? Please let me know.

I would like to tag 6 people for the “Things I Enjoy About Blogging” meme

For this meme, I would like to tag the following 6 people, listed alphabetically:

1. Lara
2. Miriam
3. Ronald
4. Sidney (Bubs) - Her entry is titled “Squid Meme“
5. Stacee
6. Vivien

Lara, Miriam, Ronald, Sidney, Stacee and Vivien: if you have time, please participate in this meme and list a few things that you either like about blogging or something you do related to blogging, like if you work for a company that deals with blogs and you like a few things about blogs because of your work. I would really appreciate it. Please go ahead, if you would like to participate, by posting about your list and then either linking back to this post or Jonathan’s post, as he tagged me for it first.

Thank you Jonathan!

I would like to thank Jonathan for tagging me for this meme. Jonathan was kind enough to be patient while I took a long time to write this meme post. Thanks Jonathan!

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Is it ok to view online friends like offline friends?

When you move from one city to another, treating people you know in real life as your offline buddies may be a good thing, as that allows you to still maintain friendship through online communication. I wonder what different people think the differences between online and offline friends are other than the offline friends being physically present around us. When can we start treating an online friend as a regular friend? Can an online friend even be considered a true friend, the same way we consider some offline friends as our true buddies?

I try to view friends as friends, regardless of them being offline or online

I interact with a couple of online friends on a daily basis via instant and text messages. I have had some good online experiences with people, and I have also had some shocking online experiences with people. Most of my online friends have never seen me. Yet, we still act like offline friends who now live in different places. Our interactions, conversations, feelings and levels of trust regarding different issues does not seem to be hindered by the fact that in reality we are probably just different variations of pixels and bytes floating around in the endless world of the internet.

Giving online people more chances to be friends can be good

I notice people experimenting with other people online on a daily basis. They share personal feelings about different things in order to see the reaction of the other person before deciding whether or not to share even more. Even though it is easy to fake emotions online, like typing out “Oh I am so sorry that your neighbor died!” while watching and enjoying a funny movie at the same time, people still take risks and try to hope for the best. I think making an effort and hoping for some result because of that effort is a good thing. People are not born friends. They become friends through friendships. This same rule applies to the online world: online friends can also prove their friendship the same way offline friends do, and people can also allow others to prove their friendship online.

What do you think? What is your opinion of online friends and their comparison to offline friends?

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Return policies usually cover a lot of products like clothes, electronics, books, cars, and even food. Most customers love simple return policies according to latest research. If you are ever in doubt, ask the cashier or the manager about the return policy. There is always a manager or someone with similar powers on duty in almost every store in the country. If the cashier gives you an unclear answer about return policies, ask the manager for a clear answer. Return policies for online purchases are a bit different than purchases made in person. In my personal experience, most major websites usually list their return policies clearly.

Following are some time frames you should keep in mind when returning some items for a refund or for an exchange:

Time frames allowed for product returns with original receipts

• 30 days for clothes.

  All clothing stores allow clothes to be returned within 30 days. When in doubt, ask the cashier. I know people who buy 10 dresses and shirts and then return about 8 of them on the 28th day. You should not abuse the power you have as a customer, but you should exercise the power when you feel it is necessary.

• 14-30 days for books.

  Return time-frames for books depend on the bookstore. Ask the cashier about the return policies or look at your purchase receipt. Almost every bookstore allows book returns. If yours does not, shop elsewhere.

• 15-30 days for electronics.

  Some stores prefer a 15-day return policy while many stores give a 30-day time frame for electronic returns. When in doubt, ask the cashier or look at the receipt.

• 30 days for software.

  Most stores allow you to return software boxes within 30 days.

• 15 minutes to 30 minutes for movie tickets

  If you buy a movie ticket and do not enjoy the movie, most movie theatres will provide a refund or exchange the ticket for another movie within 15 minutes if the movie you are watching is less than 2 hours long, and within 30 minutes if the movie in question is over 2 hours long. Ask your specific theatre branch manager before you walk into a movie if you are not sure.

• Within 1 day for food items.

  Food items are treated a bit differently than all other items. If you were the manager and I brought a rotten banana to you saying “I bought a dozen bananas three weeks ago and 11 of them were bad. This is also bad. Here is my receipt and I want a refund“, you may probably wonder if you have the legal right to attack me. You can usually return food items if you go back to the store the same day, and hopefully within an hour or two of your purchase. Many restaurants with take-out dinner can also change the food for you, and so can drive-thru fast food places and pizza companies that deliver to your home.

• Around 16 days for all over-the-phone and online purchases.

  Most online stores and over-the-phone orders allow items to be returned within 30 days. While this may sound like an incentive to use these channels to buy something, consider this: it takes about a week for such orders to arrive in the mail, and takes another week to have them shipped back and received by the company. That amounts to a total of 14 shipping days, leaving you with 16 days to decide if you want to return the item or not. Last year I got a Samsung t509 by calling T-mobile. After a major unresolved issue, the phone came less than a week before the 30-day deadline for returns. I was told that I could not return the phone anymore. Keep the shipping situation in mind when making purchases online or over the phone.

• Around 15 days for travel tickets.

  Your airline purchase receipt should tell you how many days you have to change your mind. Some airlines charge a fee to cancel or change your reservations. When in doubt, call your airline or visit their site. JetBlue, for example, allows me to cancel or change my reservations even on the last day as long as I am willing to pay a $35 fee. The rest of the money, if any, is added to my JetBlue credit which I can use for future flights.

• 15-30 days for services.

  Signing up with services like new cell phone plans or yearly contracts with your internet service provider also gives you the power to cancel your contract within 15 to 30 days. Some services will even refund you the money if you do not like their service. Ask your service provider for cancellation policies.

• Around 3 days for many automobile and real estate contracts.

  Many agreements related to car and real estate leases and purchases can be legally withdrawn within 3 days. This is called the Cooling-Off rule and you should check if you can exit a contract legally.

• 30 days for different merchandize.

  Tupperware, stationary, toys, sunglasses, beauty products and almost all other items can be returned within 30 days of their purchase.

Thus, you can return most items within 30 days to get a full refund, and some items within 2 weeks.

Things you cannot return

There are a few things you cannot return once you have purchased them. This includes gas, or petrol as many people call it. Once you put the liquid in your car, there is no known way to get a refund. You can apply the same rule to travel tickets. If you buy a train ticket, you cannot use it to get to the another city and then say “I did not enjoy the ride. Refund me some money!“, unless you have some very good reasons to back up your refund request. Items purchased directly from individuals or through classified systems usually cannot be returned either unless you have prior arrangements with the seller.

5 things to remember when returning items

Even when you return an item within the allowed time, you have to keep a few things in mind depending on the items you are returning. Following are 5 tips about returns and refunds that you should keep in mind when you want to return something for a refund or an exchange.

1. All returns at almost any store require the original receipt, even if you throw away the name and price tags. A few stores allow exchanges if you do not have the receipt, though that policy is usually never publicized.
2. All items you return must be in sellable condition. There is no known exception to this rule unless you return a dozen items and the store staff overlooks the condition of some items.
3. Electronic returns vary depending on locations. Many electronic accessories like blank CDs cannot be returned if they are not in their original packing. Similarly, if you buy a computer and break the seal located on the back that allows you to open the unit itself, you will probably not be able to return the computer. Always ask the cashier when buying an electronic item if the item can be returned after you open it.
4. Software CDs and bundles are treated differently than electronics. Software can usually be returned only if you have not opened the box. I once bought Windows XP at a Fry’s store and could not return the item the same day even when I had not used it. The returns department staff told me this reason: I had opened the plastic wrapper on the box and thus the box was considered open. Whenever you buy software, never open it unless you are fully sure. Always ask the cashier what the return policy is for the specific software you plan on buying.
5. Food items can usually be returned if you bring back some of the food that you did not consume as a form of proof. If you buy a box of cereal and return it empty the same day saying “It did not taste good“, you will probably only get back some attention and no money. Many store managers are nice enough to even offer a replacement and a full refund if you buy something that upsets your stomach or has gone bad and you bring back a good portion of it to show to the store staff. Try to go back to the store as soon as possible and simply ask for an exchange or a refund.

The next time you want to buy something, whether it is a bottle of milk or a new computer, keep in mind the options you have if you think you might reconsider your decision later on. Please let me know if you have any questions or wish to share your own experience or points here. Thank you for reading.

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