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If you like any of the points mentioned in this post, I’ve got a hundred more in the works. You can contact me and hire me to allow you to use these and many more points, and to have me provide consulting too.

Here is the 2nd part of that list, with 5 more plans that could help revolutionize the fast food industry.

1. Straight or gay; you simply gotta pay

   You might be charged more or given a discount depending on your sexual preference. I originally came up with this idea in order to allow discounts for people of certain sexual preferences that might otherwise be discriminated. However, the fast food corporations love this plan only if they get to charge people of any preference more money instead of giving discounts. For example, some employees suggested to me that San Francisco’s Burger King might charge more if one is not a lesbian, and that Irvine’s McDonald’s might charge more if one is gay. The extra charge will depend solely on the sexual orientation and preference of the management of the local fast food location in question.

   I’m working on this plan to make sure it’s not discriminatory, though I keep getting told everyday by all the food corporations that they’re in the food business, not in the anti-discrimination business.

2. Bow down to your sponsor or pay us

   Fast food companies will charge more when a customer doesn’t use specific products from a sponsor. This initiative is still being discussed heavily, and negotiations are far from complete. The concept is simple: a fast food chain will have a sponsor of the month, and that specific fast food chain will charge extra whenever you do not own a product from that sponsor. For example, if Honda is sponsoring the month of December at Carls Jr., every Honda driver will pay the regular price for all the drive-thru orders. All other drivers will pay extra for any menu item. Plans are also being made to include discounted or extra menu items available only to users of a specific product.

   Some have even proposed extending the idea to have sponsors from the mainstream language advocates or specific communities where speaking a specific language or looking and acting like a certain someone will earn special discounts. If it’s any consolation, the following month your own community might be the sponsor, making you feel like the superior race then. Just like before, I’ve been sent some modified plans by various religious organizations regarding charging people from other religions a lot more, or banning nonreligious people completely from ordering any food. Whether the plan is to convert nonreligious people or to starve them to death, I don’t know. While there are some rumors floating around that people who convert on the spot from one religion to the religion advocated by the sponsor of the month will get prizes and free religious books for life, I can deny all such rumors at this moment and say that these rumors have no ground to stand on.

3. Screw your city and pay us!

   You’ll be charged extra for buying at a fast food place that’s not in your city of residence. This plan requires an ID card to verify the zip code of all buyers at different fast food chains. If you live in the same city, you’ll pay the normal price, and maybe get a discount. If you live in a different city, you’ll pay extra and get no discount unless you move to become a local resident. I originally got contacted by different county officials who wanted certain members of the society kicked out, and at the same time wanted wealthier citizens to move in. We came up with several plans and this one was voted as being the best by different county officials.

4. Eat my food or pay up to feast at other places

   You’ll be charged extra for not being a loyal customer at specific fast food chains. When you go to any fast food place, you’ll be expected to know all of the menu items by heart. Hiding the menu itself is an easy way to find out who knows the menu and who doesn’t. People can still ask what the menu is, but an extra charge will be added to such orders. A discount and a gift coupon will be given to those who pay an extra “I converted” fee, which allows customers to convert from something like Wendyism to Jack-in-the-Box’ism or from Subwayism to Quiznoism. A credit card will be kept on file for each convert; if they do not come and order something on a regular basis, they’ll be charged a “defect/spy/going-to-hell” fee. Plans are also being considered to charge customers instantly when they ask what the menu items are, even if they don’t buy anything.

   An increase in graduates of criminal justice degrees is expected, as more fast food chains will start hiring security guards and detectives to chase down people who ask for menu items and then run away without ordering or paying anything. This plan is being heavily modified by me, as many religious organizations have shown opposition to such a plan saying that offering incentives to worship a fast food place may actually cause many immature people to stop worshiping God and start worshiping the big M signs. These religious people instead advocate the “Bow down to your sponsore or pay us!” plan above.

5. My Capitalist Nanny!

   This one was recommended by Jerine. I talked about this with local branches of several national fast food chains and they all agreed; kids make more mess than adults. Thus, anyone who brings children to fast food places will be charged an extra “My Capitalist Nanny” fee depending on what the kids do. If the kids play around, parents will be charged extra. If the children make a mess on the table, they’ll be charged extra. If they kids scream, they’ll be charged extra. If someone brings more than one child with them, they must make sure that each child orders something, or else there will be an extra fee. Many executives are even considering offering menu items where parents can rent a nanny from the fast food store for an hour while they eat.

   Right now, research is being done to see as to whether some children will start to realize why their poor parents always locked them in their rooms and never took them to McDonald’s anymore, and thus when they grow up, whether these children might start a psycho-stalking spree against fast food executives. Many executives laughed at such research in the beginning saying that no one gets stalked or attacked anymore, but after reading this blog about stalking and stabbing by strangers, and being used and being lied to by friends, those executives are slowly realizing that they should take precautions. Right now, research is also being done to see whether renting nannies would be a good idea or not. Some have even suggested offering hot nannies to take care of all people regardless of their age, but this has been heavily criticized by parents who say that the old freaky executives just want to live out their sick fantasies through such plans.

These are the other 5 points I’m working on to make sure it’s easier for corporations to establish and promote different types of healthier relationships with all the communities. You might also want to read more about the Fast food business annoyances to get a feel of what the fast food industry is like at the moment.

What do you think about these points overall, or any of these points? As for me, I’ve eaten too much Pizza Hut since yesterday. It’s time to take some rest. Thank you for reading.

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Last year I presented you with a list of “10 interesting annoyances about Fast Food chains” that I thought was interesting to know. With almost every business aiming for profit and cuts in customer service, it seems that the old trend of a win-win situation is changing, where before both the seller and the buyer used to get the most out of a deal. Today, it’s a win-almost-won situation, where the businesses are winning, yet the customers are starting to lose more on every deal.

If you’re an executive at a corporation, you can hire me to bring these and many more plans to your company and let you use them, and at the same time provide consulting for each of the points to get the maximum output possible from each plan. Please contact me with details. Here is my list of 5 plans introducing new charges that you may see at fast food places in the near future. I call this list “Bes Z’s Top 5 new plans for fast food places.” When used properly and under my strict expert supervision, these plans can be used in many ways by management of different food corporations to bring in more revenue.

1. Wipe your mouth for a dollar

Napkins will cost extra with any order. Currently, many fast food places charge for giving you extra condiments like ketchup or mayonnaise. You pay for good quality burgers; why not pay for good quality napkins to wipe that ketchup off your face? Very soon two classes of fast food eaters will emerge because of this new plan. One will buy their napkins at the fast food, and the other will bring their own napkins. Sales of Levi Jeans is expected to soar, as people will prefer wiping off the mustard on their jeans rather than their dress pants.

2. Eat the greens or lose the dough

Having no vegetables on your burgers will cost extra. Vegetables are good for you according to many paranoid people, and soon parents will have lobbied and successfully convinced all fast food chains to require kids to eat vegetables. If it’s going to happen anyhow, why not use the plan right now to start charging extra if one decides to remove that tomato or lettuce? What better way to eat healthy food than to have healthy vegetables on an oil-soaked fast food burger? Also, remembering not to put an onion on a burger requires extra thinking on behalf of the fast food management; thus, having a customized burger with no vegetables reduces productivity. On top of that, if companies don’t put vegetables on burgers, the burgers are going to look extremely small. That’s not good, and also unacceptable.

Want no veggies? You gotta pay for your decision now. So far, many groups of parents show me their support for this plan. Veggies never tasted so good, and they never looked so expensive either. This plan will help in changing the traditional “Capitalistic” image of food corporations to the new “Capitalistic and helping our children eat veggies” image.

3. Buy it and go away or it’s more you gonna pay

Dining inside a fast food place will cost more, and having the food to go will not carry any extra charge. While there are still more people dining inside fast food places than in their cars, very soon you’ll be charged for even entering the premises or for eating inside. Cleaning the mess you left on a table requires a lot of courage on behalf of the cleaning staff, who have to refrain from crying while they wipe off the stains left on the tables by things dripping off your mouth. Even people who come into the store and buy stuff to take home sometimes pick up extra napkins and other things from inside the store and affect the #1 “Wipe your mouth for a dollar” plan above in a negative manner.

On top of that, hiring the cleaning staff wastes a lot of money; money that can be spent by the corporations on better things. For this plan to work I’ve created the “walk-thru” service, where people who don’t want to pay extra in order to dine in have to order food at an outside window and not be able to enter the store. Both the drive-thrus and my trademarked trademark walk-thru window will cost less than what it would cost to eat inside.

4. Use the bushes in the back or pay up front

You will be charged for using the restrooms. Eating food at someone’s house is a good thing, but using their restroom to lay waste everywhere is simply rude. Fast food places were created to fulfil your desire to eat, not your desire to go unload your stomach. A new cashier stand will be placed in front of all restrooms, where people will have to pay upfront in order to use the restrooms even if they already paid a lot for food in the same store. I’ve been approached by a few diaper companies to help them start a few lineups of adult diapers, as people will pay for diapers that will help them not use restrooms at fast food places when my plan is executed by the fast food companies.

I’m in the middle of negotiations between diaper companies and fast food corporations about my plan to have fast food places sell diapers along with food items, as part of a meal, at discounted prices. Some technical details, such as finding a place where a customer would put on the diaper, are still being worked out. Fast food places also have yet to plan any concrete countermeasure to the smell that will start brewing at their stores because of customers wearing diapers and not using restrooms all day long, though I’m working on that vigorously.

5. Stalk your sexy cashier legally for a small fee

You’ll be charged extra for choosing the gender of the cashier. Since innovation happens every century or so at big businesses, the best new thing is to give your order to someone while feeling sexually aroused at the same time. Sure, it’s considered sick by many people, but there’s money to be made here. This also reduces the chances of any cashier becoming surprised when being hit on by a customer, or vice versa, since everyone will already know they will definitely be stalked afterwards; it’s going to become a legal right, as the customer will be paying pay for the service.

Some additions to the plan were suggested by fast food companies in the early stages of this draft that allowed customers to pay an extra fee, in addition to the initial additional charge, to find out things like the working hours of an employee or their home address. I didn’t find such plans to be safe, though, so the fast food places scrapped any such additions to the plan. To execute this plan, fast food places will allow customers to stand in two main lines: “For women“, and “For men.” The female line will have female customers and male cashiers, while the male line will have male customers and female cashiers. I’ve been approached and requested by several Gay and Lesbian community representatives and groups to accommodate their members into the plan also. I’ve upgraded the plan to allow having four lines instead of two: “For women“, “For men“, “Men for men“, and “Women for women.”

I was also approached by a few religious organizations who recommended I have separate lines based on the religious preference of a customer. At this moment, I cannot accept any such plans because of childhood memories of standing in lines based on religion and class, and also because many people objected to religious people stalking people of the same religion. However, some religious people had no problem stalking people belonging to a competing religion, and that’s what totally freaked me out. Also, when it comes to money, corporations don’t care about one’s religion. However, corporations do care about sexual preferences and stalking people, as that’s the new fad that’s seen as a positive thing by many people today, and thus has a lot of potential to bring in huge amounts of money.

There are no plans yet to introduce separate lines for transvestites and transsexuals yet, though I’ve been approached by such organizations as well. They should be addressed in the later part of the plan drafting.

These are the top 5 plans I’m working on to make it easier for corporations to do business while giving unique services to their customers.

What do you think about the above points? Is there any point or plan that should be added or analyzed further? As for me, I’m going to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) now, so I’ll stop here. If you liked any of these points, I’ve got a hundred more in the works also; you can contact me and hire me to allow you to use these and many more points, and to have me provide consulting too. Thank you for reading.

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Whether you paid $5 or $50, you are expected to move out of the line immediately. The change I get in my hand at fast food places is immediately followed by the movement of the face of the cashier towards the person behind me. I’m not even allowed to stand there and make sure I got all my change back, or to put the change in my pocket and keep the receipt in my hand.

How about you? Have you ever run into something similar? What do you think of this specific procedure of immediately saying “Next customer” when the last coin is thrown into your hands along with the receipt?

Here’s a view of the San Francisco International Airport while on the BART. In the picture, from closest to farthest, you can see parked planes from United Airlines, Air China and Singapore Airlines.

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