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I am trying to bring the debate back to the common points, since debating about two different things is going to go in circles. So I will try to include all points in this response, including all of your concerns too. Please let me know if I miss anything, if am confusing the issue more than necessary by going into too much detail or after some point that can be ignored, since I want to make sure you and George do not feel offended in any manner, since my original post wasn’t directed at you or the art of using contact forms but at Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint and the supposed approach taken to contact me, and the real approach that did happen.

You asked for proof that more than 2 people got the e-mail, right? That is a good and valid question. Instead of me offering any answer, the Admins responded here, saying that they sent e-mails to 4-5 people and using copy-pasted templates:

My Assumption of my MyBiggestComplaint Complaint about MyBiggestComplaint

Does that suffice? I also replied there, addressing the admin since he/she explained what they did. It seems they did e-mail me and about 4 other authors, with the same e-mail, though with good intentions. Again, the point is not that someone contacted me through my contact form and I am going to annihiliate the universe; the point I was making is the “perception.” My entire post talks about views, assumptions, perceptions, and doubts in various forms. Please tell me something: is that not a nice or logical way to point out what one things is a bad thing, by assuming only, doubting your own self, and doubting different assumptions too, and making sure there is ample room for anyone to come and criticize myself also? And all in public? Isn’t that the only proper way to criticize a tactic one does not appreciate? Or should I simply post “Tommy spammed me. MyBiggestComplaint.com are spammers. Boycott the spammers!”? I hope not, since I’m not good at pointing out fingers without any doubts or ways for someone to disagree with me, if I was to communicate an idea. Communicate is the key here, and not dictatorship. Even dictators communicate more than forcing things and not allowing any critics.

Ronald is aiming for a fair discussion

Also, regarding Ronald, the poor chap is only doing his job, making sure that one of his authors does not get criticized in disguise unethically, and the anonymous factors give one an advantage over the other. Wouldn’t you do something similar to what Ronald is trying to do? Imagine: he was aiming to ask for the real identity for someone criticizing someone else on his site, which is fine even if it is not revealed. Did you know that Ronald, when I told him about this post, was the one who said “Make sure you have all your facts and assumptions straight.” I apologize personally if you feel offended; Ronald is running a very nice site and concept here, trying to make his authors more popular and succeed instead of himself. I feel bad for anyone going after him or anyone else on this site, no matter how right I may be, because of my post. He has policies, and so do admins at MyBiggestComplaint; my comment there had names included, “Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint”, and the name was removed by the MyBiggestComplaint admin because it was against the policy. That is 100% awesome, since policies exist to do some use hopefully for both the site and the readers, and I appreciate it completely too, specially since my complaint involves several assumptions and that I may be wrong on some levels [read below to please find out that I was right on all levels, and that the spam assumption is not valid anymore because the admin over at MyBiggestComplaint says that they had good intentions, which is nice. Thanks admin!] Ronald responded to Goerge’s comment already, so hopefully Goerge and Ronald should be happy with each other now [I hope], and if not, George can ask more.

Also, I am SO glad that Ronald found the above comment in the spam. Sure, it’s critical in the eyes of many, but it raises an important point: how does Bes go about assuming something like this, and when approached, how do others and Bes defend their assumptions or agree that some of their assumptions may be wrong? I have already pointed in my original post that I may be wrong, and in my above comment too, and in this very comment, I am assuming 100% that at least one of my assumption fears has been quelled because the admin from MyBiggestComplaint said that he/she/they did e-mail different authors the same e-mail, but they had good intentions. I love good intentions, and I like it. Ronald has good intentions too, and I like that too. I hope you and George like it too.

I complemented MyBiggestComplaint on purpose for one main reason: I assumed something negative about them. Is it bad to complement someone you are pointing out in a complaint?

Thanks for reading my complaint over at mybiggestcomplaint.com . Did you read the last part of my comment above? I clearly stated that I was happy that my complaint was posted; the screenshot was posted in case my complaint wasn’t approved. That screenshot gives MyBiggestComplaint more advantage, as I show that even though I am doubting something, something else is clearly a very good thing. Why would you consider it “calling out” someone when the admins themselves don’t think it was calling out someone? I wasn’t thinking of that. I actually congratulated the admins in my comment above, saying that they did approve my complaint and that such services rock that allow complaints of their own service. I have a character where if I see something positive or something doubtful in my own assumption, I will point it out. I don’t like criticizing someone completely if I can avoid it. Is it a bad thing to ever talk about doubts or good intentions about someone when questioning the motives of something or that someone? It seems that even if I doubt myself or appreciate something about MyBiggestComplaint, some people think that what I am and was arguing originally should never be argued; am I being expected to be 100% critical and not doubtful at all. Should I be criticizing MyBiggestComplaints on all levels and everything possible, since it seems that doing or saying anything nice is taken out of proportion without any doubt, even though my own initial post sends a lot of doubt to anyone who reads it because I start the post itself by saying clearly that I am questioning a lot of things and that I may be wrong. I like questioning things before assuming; that is why my entire assumptions are based on questions. Like I said before, questions are better than assumptions.

Also, no matter what is said now, it doesn’t matter how things at handled now, since like I said I love services which do not censor people, whether on their own or because of fear of being criticized; I took the screenshot clearly also to show george that I was using the site and not just criticizing it, thus putting myself in a position deliberately in public to show “Hey, Bes is using the site and complaining? Whaaa?” so that I can show how serious I am about my assumptions and about me doubting my own assumptions.

My initial post is about the way I was bulk e-mailed and how I still see it as spam. It has been over 24 hours, and no reply from Tommy. That is ok; it seems you and george are doing a good job at responding, and the admin and another commentor over at the site have also done a good job at responding. I am not sure why you would be feeling berated or patronized [again, that is sincerely not my intention] when I am only talking about Tommy’s way of contacting me.

Someone responding nicely now has nothing to do with what happened earlier. They are 2 separate issues.

Also, this is very important: The admins can respond to me nicely on their site now, and I like that. Does that change most my post? No. What does responding to my post online now have to do with bulk e-mailing me before to get me to the site? The admins can donate $1 billion to orphanages today, and that will still not change the fact that I was bulk e-mailed; the tactic used to lure me in or make that site more popular was and is the point of my original post and my comment. Does that make sense? See the point I am trying to make? No matter what is being done, the issue still stands. However, the admins have clearly admitted that they did the above. So everything stands other than the “Spam labeling.” From the admin’s reactions, it seems that they did all of what I said in the post except spam. So, everything is correct except spamming, since spam is debatable, and they say their intention was good, which is nice. I am glad I left a lot of room for doubting some or all of my own assumptions; isn’t that good?

Initial assumptions based on the fact of bulk e-mailing, and their validity

I like the admin’s comment, and so far, it seems my following assumptions are valid [I'll add or remove if I remember something more]:

1. I was contacted via bulk e-mail, or as the commentor on the site said, in an e-mail sent to more than one person, someone contacted me using templates advertising a service. That is fine; like I said, I am using the service on purpose to show a point. I appreciate being contacted directly to try a product or a service.
2. I was lured to the site assuming I was the only one contacted. Eh, I wasn’t. This is transparency, but the admin has responded now, which is very nice.
3. My e-mails were never answered, but admin has answered me personally via the comment and via e-mail [yes, he/she responded to me after I filed the complaint], which is very nice too!

Also, I am not patronizing you but answering; I hope George didn’t get patronized or offended by an answer or my answer, and I hope you don’t either.

Basic summary: I questioned something, assumed that I was being bulk e-mailed and spammed, lured away from another person running the same idea, however, I also posted clearly and directly about my assumptions probably being doubtful and wrong, about me probably taking some things out of proportion, me appreciating any nice thing on MyBiggestComplaint, and me clearly acknowledging that admins are explaining stuff, etc [I will add more here if I can remember].

Isn’t that an awesome way to analyze critically and with open doubt and counter-claims in theory, which is what I was doing?

Ok, I hope that is clear enough. Now, if I can be excused again, I must go eat! Please let me know what you think, and also feel free to say anything here.

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Blog Readers and Blog Commentors

• Active Blog Readers : Blog visitors who usually read more than they comment.
• Active Blog Commentors : Blog visitors who usually comment more than they read.

Site visitors who comment and read a lot at the same time usually become either more active commentors or more active readers, since they notice bloggers appreciating their comments more than anything else. Why waste energy doing something on a blog when the blog owner is only looking for more comments, right?

Active commentors are being chosen over active readers

The blogosphere is taking a turn where more and more bloggers are slowly starting to focus on earning money, even if there is no product to sell. Such bloggers are forcing themselves to come up with some kind of a product or writing in order to make money. Top and active commentors on such blogs are usually rewarded, since more comments usually mean more money for blogs. At the same time, top and active readers are unappreciated and left behind on such blogs.

Sure, a blogger cannot communicate via a comment with a reader who does not comment, but are blogs only supposed to interact with those who comment, or are blogs and bloggers supposed to interact with everyone who visits the blog?

Thank you for reading.

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1. Getting into arguments with other bloggers

   Arguments in the offline world can result in married couples and best friends hating each other forever, so it is no surprise that even the smallest of online arguments can result in powerful grudges. Just like any argument, just because you argue logically or think you are right does not mean you will be appreciated for voicing your opinion. An argument itself should be avoided, since forcing someone to agree with you contradicts the idea of making someone believe in something voluntarily. Also, bloggers should try to disagree with arguments, not with people who argue.

   If you argue online for business reasons, it is better to end the argument as soon as possible and to move on, since continuous arguments about something mean that either the issue should be ignored or the business deal should be reconsidered. Getting into an argument with someone, where the blogosphere sides with your “opponent“, can result in you and your blog being sent to the blog hell, resulting in you getting less attention, fewer blog comments, and even fewer ways to find inspiration to build back your affected reputation. Sometimes, it is very hard to improve a damaged reputation because of the way the online world looks at how or why you argue in arguments.

2. Punished by search engines

   Search engine optimization [SEO] is something that many bloggers, if not most, focus on. If you pay close attention to many prominent blogs and their bloggers, you will realize that they usually focus more on SEO than their readers or even their content. While such a thing may seem evil, consider this: if a blogger upsets one reader, that blogger can rebuild that relationship, or replace it with another relationship with some other reader; it happens regularly, even if that sounds evil too. However, if you upset a search engine like Google or Yahoo, you may end up losing most readers forever since it is hard to rebuild good relationships with search engines.

   Some blogs get more than 90% of their readers and commentors through search engines, because many people find those blog through their search engine searches. If a search engine bans or punishes your for any reason, you may be in a blog hell because you will have to start depending on other sources to bring in more people to your blog. Imagine having a bookstore on a street where the only way you find new customers is through newspaper ads. Now imagine all newspapers not placing your ads anymore for some reason. You will probably worry that you might run out of business. That is how your blog can be if you upset search engines for various reasons.

3. Being criticized by a famous blogger

   For many bloggers, there is nothing more shocking than having a very famous blogger criticize them in public. If you are a blogger who is suffering the wrath of some prominent blogger’s anger, you may have said or done something on your blog that the other blogger may not like saying or doing themselves. Take the issue of MyBlogLog banning Jeremy Schoemaker, aka ShoeMoney, because he posted MyBlogLog security exploits in public. Arguing about something or having issues does create tensions, though when the entire blogosphere joins in, reputations can go either up or down really fast. Overall, MyBlogLog was criticized more heavily than Jeremy, and one of the reasons for that was because the criticism was started publicly by Jeremy first. One way for you to avoid such a scenario is to avoid telling someone that they are wrong.

   If you get criticized by a famous blogger, you may feel the blog world crashing on you. Your reputation may be on the line, and you may feel the need to either accept all blame and apologize, or to go out fighting like an action hero or heroine. The way MyBlogLog tried to correct the situation was by Eric from MyBlogLog posting an apology to ShowMoney online, and by explaining briefly how his action was justified, and how he could have done some things differently. Sometimes, accepting a criticism after fighting it for a while can be a good thing also, if you feel that not giving up on something may be hurting other more important goals in the long run. If you are worried about a small criticizing comment left by someone, you may want to refer to the Art of Reacting to Criticizing Comments for further guidance.

4. Technical issues resulting in loss of the site or readers

   This is something that allows many people to regularly visit the blog hell for a few hours or even for a few days. Such technical issues can range from your domain name expiring to you accidentally deleting all your older posts and comments on your blog without having a backup. Sometimes, your host could also simply go down for even a few days, resulting in many frustrated readers and commentors of your blog to never come back.

   Technical issues can also result from sites getting hacked due to exploits in software like Wordpress. Whatever the reason, your site may be down and your blog readers may not be able to access or comment on your blog. It can be a nightmare for you, and the time you spend trying to worry or fix the problem is actually the time you are in a blog hell. You just feel the heat more mentally than physically, unless you have the heater on.

5. Losing interest in your own blog

   This is the point that allows most bloggers to be in denial that they are not in a blog hell. Many blogs that you see today will have their owners losing interest in blogging within a year. After a long time of staying away from blogs or even posting random stuff just to fulfill the obligation of blogging, they will start gaining interest in blogging again. Many other priorities in life result in many bloggers focusing less and less on blogging, and many bloggers could simply be having writer’s block for a long time, resulting in loss of interest in blogging or even writing. By the time a used-to-be-a-blogger wants to reclaim the blogging fame that he or she once had, it may be a hundred times harder to regain the same success as before.

   It depends on each blogger whether they feel they are in a blog hell when they are losing interest in blogging, or if they feel like being in a blog hell when they try to bring their blog back up to its former glory and it just is not happening easily. Either way, the offline world plays a major role in deciding our interest in the online world, since even if we blog all day, we still sleep and eat in the offline world, thus giving some kind of an unconscious preference to the importance of the offline world compared to the online world.

That is my list of 5 of the many things that result in many bloggers getting a train ticket to Blog Hell. Some people are lucky and get a round trip ticket, though many people are not so lucky and get only a one way, first class train ticket to Blog Hell where it is hard to bring the blog out of some specific misery.

What is your opinion on this? Please let me know if you can think up of other things that result in people experiencing the scorching fires of the Blog Hell. Thank you for reading.

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Many corporations blog only to impress potential customers

Take blogs by many corporations. Many companies are giving their employees the opportunity to blog. Many of such blogs, however, are similar to advertisements, where employees blog about the benefits of a product and not on the bad things that may affect an actual customer. Such corporate blogs blog to impress readers, who might end up being potential users of specific products or services.

Many non-corporate blogs try to impress someone online

You could be impressing an employer, or you could be impressing a friend. Usually, many blogs try to impress their readers through attractive content, so the concept of blogging to impress someone is something that is being adopted on a wide scale already. Take many personal blogs, and you may notice that a blogger may write good things about an offline friend differently than writing good things about an online friend, simply because of the fact that the offline friend may not read that blog, whereas the online friend might.

Do bloggers realize when or if their blogging habits revolve around impressing others?

There is usually nothing wrong with the concept of appreciating or impressing people in different ways. You may pay for one friend’s meal while giving another friend a ride. That does not mean that you appreciate one friend less than the other. You are simply appreciating both friends in different ways, while still doing things to impress them. The discussion of whether or not appreciating someone and impressing someone are the same thing is something I will focus on next week.

Online, do bloggers realize that their blogging habits may be influenced by the fact that they may want to impress someone? It may be easy to see in person how we may be extra nice to a specific girl or a guy that we like, but online, can we notice similar traits?

Do you know if you blog to impress someone?

What do you think? Do you know if or when you blog or do something on your blog to impress someone, whether it is a sponsor, another blogger, a reader, or even a search engine?

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Disagreements teach us new things. Agreements tell us that someone else agrees with us. Would you prefer one over the other?

Disagreeing with someone because of logic does not make you evil, nor does it mean you are disrespecting. Disagreement shows that you have the ability to look at things differently. If your disagree logically, others should actually appreciate your disagreement as that allows them to look at things differently. To have a good relationship of any sort, the hard thing is not to find the right person who agrees with everything you say. The hard thing is to find the right person that you can co-exist with in the face of any disagreements.

If you try to find someone who agrees to everything you say, you are basically finding someone who will not show you anything new in life. The two of you will not learn much together, let alone teach each other anything new. Why would you look for relationships if you wanted to find someone exactly like you? Why not buy a mirror instead?

Disagreements online can help co-exist with others better

Making friends online should not depend on finding people with similar tastes. Making online friends should be based on how you feel around others. I notice a growing trend on many blogs where many people keep agreeing to everything many high profile profile bloggers have to say, even if requires giving up realistic logic. It is as if many people cannot think uniquely and differently, or are not strong enough to disagree and say “I have a different opinion.” Is friendship or respect supposed to be mostly based on feelings of trust and respect, or does friendship and respect depend on how much you agree with someone?

How being friends regardless of us agreeing or disagreeing works for me and my friend

Take Valerie as an example. We have less similarities in life than most offline friends do, yet we are good friends and communicate effectively on an almost daily basis. Why? Because we have one important similarity: we realize that we have differences, and we realize that having differences do not only amount to bad things. How do we continue to be friends? We always talk about the differences in opinions while focusing on the similarities and also understanding the different logics and reasons in things we explain and tell each other.

Disagreements make us realize that the other person has feelings and the ability to think on their own also. Valerie and I respect each other even more because of that realization. Similarities can bring people closer, and so can differences. Acknowledging the differences and realizing that we can co-exist with people who are different than us can create better levels of trusts than usual.

Maintaining friendship in a sea of agreements is good. Maintaining friendship in an ocean of disagreements can be even better.

When it comes to communicating with others, it does not matter whether or not there are more agreements or disagreements. The only thing that matters is if people can get along with each other even when there are differences or disagreements. That is one of the only ways to have a good friendship, a good long-term relationship, and even marriage, not necessarily in that order though. And not necessarily all of them with the same person either.

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Today, many people seem to treat others who make a lot of money online with extra respect, while not paying much attention to the people who have been reading and commenting on their sites for a while. I have noticed bloggers going to other sites a lot when they start blogging, and then after a while, they start commenting only on blogs that are famous, forgetting most of the other people that commented on their site before.

Treat all your blog readers equally

Appreciate your readers the way you want to be appreciated. Yes, it may seem amazing responding only to a comment by a famous blogger on your site, but it also shows others in the long run what kind of a selfish person you are. Treat everyone equally; otherwise, you are telling people that unless they make money through their blogs, you will stop respecting them in the long run.

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Should things be written without hiding any piece of information? That would result in everything being written, resulting in the whole personal life becoming everyone’s business. With password protected entries, anything can be discussed on the site, both personal and non-personal. A third approach would be to discuss many things that are non-personal in the open, like right now, and some personal things in password protected entries. I personally like to write everything that I can say face to face also. So far, nothing I’ve written on this site is hidden from anyone. I don’t like the feeling “Oh, what if he/she reads that entry?” I would prefer to write in the open so nothing is hidden, and anyone involved in any story I mention knows that I’m saying it.

Now, with password protected entry or a normal entry, one can always conceal the real names and very specific details about something and some people, to make sure that no one is clearly and directly identified, nor linked, to any posted story.

It becomes a question of ethics; what should be discussed, or what should not be discussed? What do you think? Are password protected entries the way to go? Should personal life and analysis ever be discussed online? Did you ever think of the choices to make when posting password protected entries, and personal stories, online?

Here is a picture of a set of decoration bell-type cylinders, stone, hanging. The spiral formation was really beautiful and I wanted to take a picture that showed the closeup of a part of one of the pieces, while showing everything else as a background image. This is the best I could do with the settings I wanted; I had to hold the camera as steady as possible, above me, as the pieces were hanging from the ceiling and I do not have a tripod, yet.

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The question of commenting on other sites is always been on my mind, even after I have commented. How should I post a comment? How many words should it be, or should I not care about the number of words? Should I be frank, or should I be biased and careful as to make the author feel better [when it's a hard time for the author, for instance]? Should I simply post since I have the obligation to post on other sites, or should I post because the person in question also posts comments on my site? Should I post any comments at all, or should I make it a daily routine?

These questions always come to our mind in one way or the other. The ethics of commenting requires an understanding of what ethics is, and what a comment is. Should one email a person to thank them for dropping by their site, or should one post a comment, even if it’s forced and for a topic that’s not very interesting or doesn’t need a comment? Should one include their own link in the comment, or should the comment only contain the name for identification? Should a comment be a comment, or should a comment be another link for your website for the search engines to follow?

It’s really hard to leave a comment without any thinking, and thus the chances of leaving fairly unique comment that comes straight from the heart, through the keyboard, into a comment box, are usually not 100% . Should one edit the comment at least once to make sure it doesn’t offend or irritate the site owner in any manner, or should one express their minds completely and at the first chance available? Many people leave blunt comments that express the first and immediately feelings within them, while others walk within the borders of mannerism by refraining from expressing anything contradictory to the post that’s being commented. Still, others write down a comment after thinking, and still think after a comment has been written down to see if it needs changing, and then they post it.

Basically, the question of why one should comment, and how, boils down to the reason why we comment in the first place. Whether it’s to offer an opinion or simply let the other person know you visited, or to have more incoming links to your own site, commenting is, in my view, the most important interaction you can have with the content and the people who wrote the content. You leave a mark, a legacy on another website for the rest of its life; whether it be a year, 10 years or more. In addition to that, you leave an opinion in the mind of everyone who reads the comment, whether or not they agree with you.

As for me, I will keep commenting as much as I can, and be as relevant and focused on topic as I can be. If I haven’t commented much on your site, my reason is the same as before; I’ve been so busy, I spend less than 7 hours a day at home most of the week. Tonight I actually had a little bit time and played an online game of checkers with Shoomin. That kept a few extra comments from being unleashed on some sites.

What is your opinion on this issue?

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