Continue reading… »

I am trying to bring the debate back to the common points, since debating about two different things is going to go in circles. So I will try to include all points in this response, including all of your concerns too. Please let me know if I miss anything, if am confusing the issue more than necessary by going into too much detail or after some point that can be ignored, since I want to make sure you and George do not feel offended in any manner, since my original post wasn’t directed at you or the art of using contact forms but at Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint and the supposed approach taken to contact me, and the real approach that did happen.

You asked for proof that more than 2 people got the e-mail, right? That is a good and valid question. Instead of me offering any answer, the Admins responded here, saying that they sent e-mails to 4-5 people and using copy-pasted templates:

My Assumption of my MyBiggestComplaint Complaint about MyBiggestComplaint

Does that suffice? I also replied there, addressing the admin since he/she explained what they did. It seems they did e-mail me and about 4 other authors, with the same e-mail, though with good intentions. Again, the point is not that someone contacted me through my contact form and I am going to annihiliate the universe; the point I was making is the “perception.” My entire post talks about views, assumptions, perceptions, and doubts in various forms. Please tell me something: is that not a nice or logical way to point out what one things is a bad thing, by assuming only, doubting your own self, and doubting different assumptions too, and making sure there is ample room for anyone to come and criticize myself also? And all in public? Isn’t that the only proper way to criticize a tactic one does not appreciate? Or should I simply post “Tommy spammed me. MyBiggestComplaint.com are spammers. Boycott the spammers!”? I hope not, since I’m not good at pointing out fingers without any doubts or ways for someone to disagree with me, if I was to communicate an idea. Communicate is the key here, and not dictatorship. Even dictators communicate more than forcing things and not allowing any critics.

Ronald is aiming for a fair discussion

Also, regarding Ronald, the poor chap is only doing his job, making sure that one of his authors does not get criticized in disguise unethically, and the anonymous factors give one an advantage over the other. Wouldn’t you do something similar to what Ronald is trying to do? Imagine: he was aiming to ask for the real identity for someone criticizing someone else on his site, which is fine even if it is not revealed. Did you know that Ronald, when I told him about this post, was the one who said “Make sure you have all your facts and assumptions straight.” I apologize personally if you feel offended; Ronald is running a very nice site and concept here, trying to make his authors more popular and succeed instead of himself. I feel bad for anyone going after him or anyone else on this site, no matter how right I may be, because of my post. He has policies, and so do admins at MyBiggestComplaint; my comment there had names included, “Tommy from MyBiggestComplaint”, and the name was removed by the MyBiggestComplaint admin because it was against the policy. That is 100% awesome, since policies exist to do some use hopefully for both the site and the readers, and I appreciate it completely too, specially since my complaint involves several assumptions and that I may be wrong on some levels [read below to please find out that I was right on all levels, and that the spam assumption is not valid anymore because the admin over at MyBiggestComplaint says that they had good intentions, which is nice. Thanks admin!] Ronald responded to Goerge’s comment already, so hopefully Goerge and Ronald should be happy with each other now [I hope], and if not, George can ask more.

Also, I am SO glad that Ronald found the above comment in the spam. Sure, it’s critical in the eyes of many, but it raises an important point: how does Bes go about assuming something like this, and when approached, how do others and Bes defend their assumptions or agree that some of their assumptions may be wrong? I have already pointed in my original post that I may be wrong, and in my above comment too, and in this very comment, I am assuming 100% that at least one of my assumption fears has been quelled because the admin from MyBiggestComplaint said that he/she/they did e-mail different authors the same e-mail, but they had good intentions. I love good intentions, and I like it. Ronald has good intentions too, and I like that too. I hope you and George like it too.

I complemented MyBiggestComplaint on purpose for one main reason: I assumed something negative about them. Is it bad to complement someone you are pointing out in a complaint?

Thanks for reading my complaint over at mybiggestcomplaint.com . Did you read the last part of my comment above? I clearly stated that I was happy that my complaint was posted; the screenshot was posted in case my complaint wasn’t approved. That screenshot gives MyBiggestComplaint more advantage, as I show that even though I am doubting something, something else is clearly a very good thing. Why would you consider it “calling out” someone when the admins themselves don’t think it was calling out someone? I wasn’t thinking of that. I actually congratulated the admins in my comment above, saying that they did approve my complaint and that such services rock that allow complaints of their own service. I have a character where if I see something positive or something doubtful in my own assumption, I will point it out. I don’t like criticizing someone completely if I can avoid it. Is it a bad thing to ever talk about doubts or good intentions about someone when questioning the motives of something or that someone? It seems that even if I doubt myself or appreciate something about MyBiggestComplaint, some people think that what I am and was arguing originally should never be argued; am I being expected to be 100% critical and not doubtful at all. Should I be criticizing MyBiggestComplaints on all levels and everything possible, since it seems that doing or saying anything nice is taken out of proportion without any doubt, even though my own initial post sends a lot of doubt to anyone who reads it because I start the post itself by saying clearly that I am questioning a lot of things and that I may be wrong. I like questioning things before assuming; that is why my entire assumptions are based on questions. Like I said before, questions are better than assumptions.

Also, no matter what is said now, it doesn’t matter how things at handled now, since like I said I love services which do not censor people, whether on their own or because of fear of being criticized; I took the screenshot clearly also to show george that I was using the site and not just criticizing it, thus putting myself in a position deliberately in public to show “Hey, Bes is using the site and complaining? Whaaa?” so that I can show how serious I am about my assumptions and about me doubting my own assumptions.

My initial post is about the way I was bulk e-mailed and how I still see it as spam. It has been over 24 hours, and no reply from Tommy. That is ok; it seems you and george are doing a good job at responding, and the admin and another commentor over at the site have also done a good job at responding. I am not sure why you would be feeling berated or patronized [again, that is sincerely not my intention] when I am only talking about Tommy’s way of contacting me.

Someone responding nicely now has nothing to do with what happened earlier. They are 2 separate issues.

Also, this is very important: The admins can respond to me nicely on their site now, and I like that. Does that change most my post? No. What does responding to my post online now have to do with bulk e-mailing me before to get me to the site? The admins can donate $1 billion to orphanages today, and that will still not change the fact that I was bulk e-mailed; the tactic used to lure me in or make that site more popular was and is the point of my original post and my comment. Does that make sense? See the point I am trying to make? No matter what is being done, the issue still stands. However, the admins have clearly admitted that they did the above. So everything stands other than the “Spam labeling.” From the admin’s reactions, it seems that they did all of what I said in the post except spam. So, everything is correct except spamming, since spam is debatable, and they say their intention was good, which is nice. I am glad I left a lot of room for doubting some or all of my own assumptions; isn’t that good?

Initial assumptions based on the fact of bulk e-mailing, and their validity

I like the admin’s comment, and so far, it seems my following assumptions are valid [I'll add or remove if I remember something more]:

1. I was contacted via bulk e-mail, or as the commentor on the site said, in an e-mail sent to more than one person, someone contacted me using templates advertising a service. That is fine; like I said, I am using the service on purpose to show a point. I appreciate being contacted directly to try a product or a service.
2. I was lured to the site assuming I was the only one contacted. Eh, I wasn’t. This is transparency, but the admin has responded now, which is very nice.
3. My e-mails were never answered, but admin has answered me personally via the comment and via e-mail [yes, he/she responded to me after I filed the complaint], which is very nice too!

Also, I am not patronizing you but answering; I hope George didn’t get patronized or offended by an answer or my answer, and I hope you don’t either.

Basic summary: I questioned something, assumed that I was being bulk e-mailed and spammed, lured away from another person running the same idea, however, I also posted clearly and directly about my assumptions probably being doubtful and wrong, about me probably taking some things out of proportion, me appreciating any nice thing on MyBiggestComplaint, and me clearly acknowledging that admins are explaining stuff, etc [I will add more here if I can remember].

Isn’t that an awesome way to analyze critically and with open doubt and counter-claims in theory, which is what I was doing?

Ok, I hope that is clear enough. Now, if I can be excused again, I must go eat! Please let me know what you think, and also feel free to say anything here.

« Show less..

Continue reading… »

Being inconsiderate offline

Almost every week I talk to some friends who tell me about how they ran into some people who had no manners because they did not respect the culture, religion, political view or something else that my friend believed in. However, people usually do not talk about their own character not having any rules or views on how one should be accommodating of other views. For example, if a certain culture dictates how someone should eat, it can be very hard to find any rule or cultural characteristic that dictates how one can let someone eat anyway they want, if they did not subscribe to certain cultural trends.

If a culture, religion, or any other guideline view about something in life about is not accommodating of people who want to do things their own way while not hurting others, why can we ourselves not be more considerate to and of others and still follow our culture and our rules? If our culture or religion does not consider other conflicting views, does that mean our culture and religion is not good? Why can people not be all right with others doing the same thing in different ways? Does everyone have to have the same religion? Does everyone have to have the same culture? Does everyone need to have the same political view? Does everyone need to do everything in the same exact manner? As long as someone is doing something and not hurting others directly and intentionally, why can we not be happy with them, coexist with them, and even incorporate them and their views into our own lives?

Being inconsiderate online

I run into many blogs daily where people get upset over someone having differing view about something then them. A blogger may get upset and feel offended if someone else talks about contradictory views on religion, politics, or even blogging. However, should we not have the quality of being considerate to other views? Why can our own online views, such as blogging rules, dictate something like “We will treat and deal with the people who have the exact same views as us, in exactly the same manner as the people who have different views“?

Why is it that I cannot write something, like saying that blogging is just a stupid fad, without getting people to attack me without any reason? Being inconsiderate does not mean that you do not disagree with others. Being inconsiderate means that you cannot live normally while knowing that people have different views. The only reason we may be upset at others online, and thus be inconsiderate to them, is because those other people are going after ideas that we ourselves have either not thought of, or we have decided not to utilize them. We do not disrespect and disagree with others people because we believe we are right; we disrespect and disagree with others because they have a different view and because they do not subscribe to our views.

This mentality creates a little dilemma, if one believes in the concept of applying a theory to different things; does everyone then, when following the concept of being considerate to others, need to follow the same standards online? Why can we not have more blogs without any RSS feeds? Why can we not have nonstandard, and strange, labeling around a site, like the word “Backroad” instead of “Archives“? Why can we not have more blogs without the comment feature? One of the grand questions of all: if we want to be considerate to others, why can we not be comfortable with blogs that deliberately aim to be inconsiderate?

Do you think the concept of being considerate to others has any value for you?

What is your view on this? Do we have to criticize or hate every instance of something that we disagree with? Could that be the reason why many married and dating couples look like brothers and sisters, because many people want to find someone who not only acts like them but also looks like them? Can human beings, as a whole, ever have a mentality where they not only respect different views and people, but they also make it a part of their own character to revolve their own views and character on such a thing? We we, as individuals, easily have a mentality where we are not only considerate to others, but where we also revolve our own ideas and beliefs around the idea of letting other ideas and beliefs prosper within our own life domain?

I am touching the introduction of this touchy subject very lightly, as this subject probably defines the lives of many people out there, and deserves more than just a single post that was written while Bes was hungry. Do you agree or disagree with this?

« Show less..

Continue reading… »

Sometimes bloggers hide their interest in getting incoming links behind the concept of linking to useful posts

If you link to others with the assumption that you will get a lot of benefits in return, including the benefit of being linked back, you should sit down and figure out if you are actually looking forward to the sole benefit of being linked back to by someone else. Maybe you are only linking to get links back, and you are using a myriad of other reasons, like “I’m linking to a great article” or “My readers should find out other sites too“, simply to feel better that you are not linking just to get attention.

Example: many prominent bloggers tag or link to other prominent blogs only

You can see this a lot in online memes. Many prominent bloggers tag only other prominent bloggers for different memes. Such prominent bloggers will also link only to other prominent bloggers in their blog posts. These bloggers are only linking out in order to get more links pointing to their own site. That means these bloggers care more about the concept of incoming links than the concept of sending visitors to good sites, since their visitors trust them by clicking on links pointing to other sites.

Figure out whether you will link to others if you get nothing in return

The next time you want to link to a blog or a blog post, find out if you are writing a quality article or abusing the concept of link baits, by asking yourself this question:

“If that blog never links back to me, and the blogger never visits my site, would I still link to a blog post by that blogger?”

So please tell me, my dear reader, what are would be your reasons for linking to other blogs in your blog posts?

« Show less..

Continue reading… »

Assuming things about others can be offensive

I recently went to a Yard House with an engaged couple where the fiancee was my friend and I had just met the fiance. The hostess at the door, upon seeing my friend joke with me at that moment, asked “Table for two?” While such a question was innocently asked, the hostess had assumed that since the fiance was not talking, he was not with us. Such an assumption made the fiance feel a bit embarrassed for a while until I brought up the topic as a joke. The hostess could have instead asked “Table for how many?” simply to find out the answer before making an assumption.

Avoid assuming and start inquiring about your blog readers

Take steps to find out who your blog readers are and what they want. Assuming such things on your blog will result in your readers feeling disrespected. If you want to increase your network of contacts, you can never assume things about others. You have to take the step of finding out something about others even if that means asking them directly about it. On your blog, such a step will show that you are willing to dedicate time on your blog to find out more about your readers. When people realize that you prefer asking questions and avoid making assumptions, they will be happy to find out more about you and your blog instead of making assumptions of their own.

As for my friend and her fiance, they had a good time hanging out with me. The guy told me in the end that he really found me to be a great friend of her fiancee. I think that was probably because I brought up the “table for two” question in order to let him know it was only an assumption and how assumptions can be weird and funny. I think I liked the whole situation because it gave me an important issue to share with you.

« Show less..