Thought: On feeling obligated to comment on friends and contact’s blogs
There is a thought in my head about an increasing trend: people expecting their friends and contacts to comment on their blogs. Many of my offline friends have blogs or other types of sites now. As time passes, more and more people tell others about their sites. Some contacts expect me to regularly participate on their sites.
From what I am noticing in several personal and non-personal cases, a slowly increasing number of people are looking down at friendships and other relationships simple because someone does not comment and participate on their site regularly.
Friends expecting comments
Your friend may expect you to comment on their site, whether or not your current friendship with that friend is solely based on the online world. You can talk to your friend via the phone or even chat with them online, but if you do not visit or comment on their site regularly, they may retaliate by not talking to you that much or by talking to someone else who visits and comments on their blog.
It is as if the friendship is solely based on the number of comments you leave on a blog. A blog can be considered someone’s personal property, thus you have to see whether or not your friend is justified in getting upset over you not commenting on their site. Your friend getting upset over the absence of your comments on your site can either be like your friend expecting you to support them in unrelated things in order for the friendship to continue or like your friend expecting you to support them in a passion they may have.
Of course, such confusion can be solved if you ask your friend what they want, or if your friend tells you what they want. However, I wonder if it is always easy for everyone to tell a friend “You know what, I don’t like commenting on your blog or reading it, because of this and this reason. Is that going to upset you?”
Business and non-business contacts expecting comments
Business and non-business contacts can be different than your friends. Sure, more and more people are calling each other friends, but no one is there for each other in anything from which they themselves do not benefit, or when a business deal is not around. Thus, let us briefly focus on the idea of non-friend contacts expecting comments from you: a random person or a business contact may show you their personal or some other blog, and thus may expect you to regularly visit or participate that blog. What happens if you do not fulfill their expectations?
Well, from my personal experience, several things can happen. I have seen business contacts doing less business simply because I do not comment on every post of theirs. I have also seen some very famous business contacts being non-communicative until they need something, which can appear to be beyond unprofessionalism in many cases. I have also heard people complaining about their business contacts becoming more aggressive and unfriendly in business deals if those people post a disagreeing comment about something on a blog. Getting upset in different ways over other contacts not commenting on some site can be signs of people not being able to differentiate between their expectations from their own blogs and their business and other deals with other people.
How do you fix such a thing? You cannot fix such a trend and mentality until you find out what the business or some other deal expects. You entered into a business deal; did it include in any direct or indirect manner your participation on any site? Did the other person get any kind of a hint in the beginning that you will continuously participate on their site? It is best to not mix business with personal life or something like your passion for comments unless you know the people involved in a business deal are willing to be true friends or logical contacts who will not let things get affected by something like the number of comments you post on a blog not related to the business or some other deal in question.
What to do?
It depends. I personally do not want to be obligated to comment on any friend’s or non-friend’s blog. I comment when I want to. Otherwise, I try to communicate with people a lot outside of a blog, like via the phone, e-mail or even chatting online on different im’s. I actually prefer to communicate more offline than online in many cases.
Do you want friendship to continue? Do you want a business or some other contact to continue doing business or remain a contact with you? Do you want a random contact to keep in touch normally? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you can think of ways to come at a solution that satisfied either you, the other person, or both of you. Whatever solution you come up with, you should feel comfortable enough to actually stick to the solution if the other person agrees to the solution also.
What do you think? Please let me know, thank you. 
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( September 7th, 2007 at 3:22 pm )
I would guess that this is very hard for most people to do. I, on the other hand, have no problem with it. I guess the way I see it is that if someone wouldn’t consider me a friend unless I’m constantly commenting on their blog, I wouldn’t want to be their friend anyway. Remind me to give you an overview of the friending/de-friending and commenting dynamics on LJ, and the drama that ensues.
As for business contacts, let’s look at the other side for a moment. In the case of having a personal blog, you may not want to share that with a business contact, especially if the relationship were to remain business-only. In that case, expecting frequent comments would sure be something.
p.s. I apologize again for not commenting and chatting as much as I used to.
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( September 7th, 2007 at 11:05 pm )
Stacee, thanks for the reply.
That is good, that you can communicate openly like that without any problems. Ok, 
, you can share it here or I’ll keep that “drama” in mind and ask you about it online sometime. 
That’s interesting: so if I understand that correctly, many people automatically start expecting comments if they share their personal blog with someone else. One more reason not to share person things in unrelated situations like business situations unless we know the other person well.
Also, please don’t worry about commenting. Thanks so much for reading regularly in the first place and for the wonderful comments, even when you don’t have to.
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( September 13th, 2007 at 8:24 am )
I always thought that people who expect you to comment on their site is alittle bit dramatic. As for me, I don’t care really. People can comment anytime they want on my site. I did have a friend though, who did complain in quite alot of entries in her blog, about why she received less comments than the previous blog etc.
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( October 5th, 2007 at 8:22 am )
Interesting point. I don’t have time to comment on all my friends blogs. As I have many blogs, I know that only a very small % of people actually comment. So I don’t expect to see lots of comments from my friends, in fact I don’t expect any.
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( October 29th, 2007 at 6:11 am )
Among my high school friends (those of whom I am close with), I am the only person who blogs and who is active online (maybe a few others are but I am not aware of them being active online, except for Facebook-ing), but I do not expect my friends to drop by my blog and leave me comments. In fact, I would feel weird if they did.
I don’t know why but I sometimes feel uncomfortable if a friend of mine tells me that she reads my blog. I do not blog about my friends, and only occasionally I blog about myself.
I digress.
Anyway, if any of my friends blog, I would not feel obligated to leave a comment “just because we are friends.” I would leave a comment if I have anything to say though
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( October 29th, 2007 at 12:45 pm )
Sorry if you were waiting for my responses, everyone. I really appreciate your comments and patience!
Sara, thanks for the comment. I also do not like people expecting comments as if it was a life duty, unless I promised someone that it was my life duty.
I have kept away and left many blogs where the blogger interacts with you depending on how often you comment. For me, respecting someone based on the number of comments one leaves can be stupid.
Some bloggers, I e-mail them to let them know I am alive but they do not respect that; they wants comments, or nothing.
[PS: very cute/nice header, by the way, and the coloring theme is nice too!
]
Tejvan Pettinger, thanks for sharing too.
I personally tend to move away from comments-only communication with friends. Some people, however, stick to it for various reasons, including wanting comments back on their own sites.
Pelf, thanks again for the comment. I really appreciate it.
I also have been refraining from pushing my blog onto my offline friends, as I am happy with keeping different things separate, even if my friends read my site.
For me, if an offline contact tells me that they read my site, it can result in a feeling like “Hmmm, I wonder what topics will make her/him upset, happy or something, if I write about such a topic on my site.” Like for example, if I notice someone stalking a friend of mine and I talk about stalkers on my site, that stalker will know I am talking about them or that I know or they will feel weird around me or keep an eye on me more.
I also go by the topic and my feelings: if I have something to say, I will say it. Otherwise I may try to simply read and do nothing else.
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( November 8th, 2007 at 1:56 am )
Hmm, If there is something honestly to say after reading a blog, we can ahead and post a comment! But no point just writing just for the heck of writing. If its not genuinely out of the mind it will clearly show…
If I find that there is nothing to comment after reading a blog, but its exceptionally good, I feel obliged to appreciate the writing or the content.
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( November 12th, 2007 at 7:22 pm )
Sawai, thanks for the answer. So for you, a comment should be written regardless of any friendship you may have with the blog/site owner, correct?
What would you do if a friend or a contact starts expecting you to comment on their site regularly or even once in a while?
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( December 25th, 2007 at 7:30 pm )
Thanks a bunch!
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( February 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm )
Hi Ricko.
May I please ask what you are thanking me for? 
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( August 15th, 2008 at 12:46 am )
no, if i want to comment..i do it for pleasure
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( February 10th, 2009 at 7:37 pm )
stimulating and communicative, but would participate in something more on this topic?
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( February 15th, 2009 at 1:10 pm )
Your web page does not correctly work in safari browser
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( February 15th, 2009 at 1:32 pm )
@nestru, thanks for sharing.
@GoseCanna, thanks for the comment too. Would you like more articles on this topic you mean?
@ramedurce, thanks for bringing that to my attention! I’ll try it too, however, could you please tell me what appears incorrect/distorted/out-of-place in Safari, if possible?
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