Online communication may be hindering your offline communication skills
I am slowly running into an increasing number of people in the offline world who seem to be communicating with others as if they were communicating online. These people do not realize that they have either forgotten, or do not easily realize, the proper ways to interact with others in person. Now, each individual in this world has his or her own way of interacting with others, so the “proper” way to communicate is probably relative to and for each person.
However, you can easily realize how some people are actually communicating in person as if they were communicating with someone online. While communicating online has its benefits, it has also hindered the ability of some people to communicate effectively in the offline world. Here are two examples that I have experienced in the last week alone that show how comfortableness with online communication may be negatively affecting the offline communication skills for some people.
Example of online communication hindering your ability to deal with interruptions
Take the concept of interruptions, for example. Some people I know are starting to get frustrated right away if someone interrupts them in any manner during discussions. If you are such a person, you probably used to be all right with interruptions before they dove deep into the world of online chats. Why do you get frustrated then? Because in the online world, you keep typing stuff while not feeling interrupted.
Even if someone types something while you are typing, you can probably still get full attention for your written words in an online chat window. However, when you say something in real life and someone disagrees or interrupts you, you feel offended, even if you usually interrupt others, even if you usually interrupt others, as you have probably gotten used to not feeling interrupted while chatting on different instant messengers.
Example of how having experience in online dispute management does not mean you are good at dealing with disputes in person
Similarly, take the concept of arguments and disputes. Some people have started to forget how to negotiate or how to make someone feel better. I met a friend recently who provides online customer support for a greeting cards company. He answers a lot of e-mails to calm down many upset customers, and to find a resolution to customer issues. While I was having lunch with him, he accidentally pushed back his chair to stand up to get more napkins, and caused a nearby woman to drop her soda on her clothes. She was furious, as she had to go back to office with those wet clothes. Even though my friend started apologizing, the woman kept getting more upset every second. I then realized why: my friend was saying only one word “sorry” again and again while looking around and at the floor, nervously.
Sometimes, people need to be looked into the eyes to be shown that someone is sorry for their behavior. Even my friend said later “I think it would have been better if I had looked her in the eye and acknowledged that I understand.” Now, even if that method had not worked, at least my friend would have tried something. Imagine someone who is experienced at resolving online disputes, but does not know how to calm down an upset person in person.
It is important to realize which skills are better suited for online communication, and which skills are better for offline communication
As more and more people dive into the world of blogging, we are slowly losing track of how our online communication skills are affecting and changing our offline communication skills, and vice versa. Some changes are good in my view, while others simply hinder effective communication as I am experiencing lately.
I am sensing that as people get more comfortable chatting online, some people are starting to confuse the thin line that separates the way we behave online and the way we behave in person. It may be all right to tell someone online “I am so sorry 
” in an online chat window, but if you say that in the offline world, you facial expression, your body, your behavior and everything you control needs to reflect the sorry state that you just expressed to someone. Otherwise, you are probably going to look like a fool and may end up hurting someone unintentionally.
What is your opinion on this?
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( May 6th, 2007 at 12:01 am )
I personally hate getting interrupted. But I think that there are different forms of interruption. When I am with a friend or group of friends and we are all having a conversation, interruption is inevitable. You need to learn to speak-up or shut up.
However, when you are in a meeting and someone’s cellphone goes off, or when you are talking to a co-worker and someone butts in out of the blue with a totally different topic, I get aggravated. That form of interruption sends the message of, “What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.”
( May 6th, 2007 at 2:01 am )
Thanks for the example Ronald. You are right; there are different forms of interruption. In a conversation with several people, someone is bound to have something to say and would want others to hold on for a minute while they jump in, instead of having someone go on and on and on and on. Some people simply think there should never be any interruptions, ever. Some people get used to online chatting and don’t know how to interrupt, or interrupt all the time while they themselves cannot stand the very thought of being interrupted themselves.
You are also right about meetings and situations like those. Yes, that is something that people need to be aware of whenever possible; they know that being part of a meeting or something similar, like in a movie theatre, means that they have to follow some etiquettes to not make others feel uncomfortable.
( May 6th, 2007 at 10:38 am )
I don’t like interruptions because they do give me the feeling that what I’m saying is unimportant. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I could hear something like “excuse me”, but too many interrupters feel entitled to just pipe up. But that’s my issue.
( May 6th, 2007 at 2:01 pm )
[...] I am sensing that as people get more comfortable chatting online, some people are starting to confuse the thin line that separates the way we behave online and the way we behave in person. –Bes Zain, The Reasoner, Online communication may be hindering your offline communication skills [...]
( May 6th, 2007 at 3:09 pm )
RE: I wish I can go.. I can’t haha, so busy with school stuff.. maybe next week.. this whole month is a killer.. I’ll update you on that later.. haha, its unbelievable.. you probably won’t even believe it O_O;..if you watched it, just let me know if its good or bad lol, :)! I’m falling behind all my comments, I feel so bad haha.. not only comments, blog reading too =(! I don’t know whats going on anymore.. sucks =(.. shall be on top of that after graduation :D! That’s awhile.. 1 month away?! haha.. but 2 months of torture.. serious torture X_X
( May 6th, 2007 at 3:29 pm )
I think that for many people online interaction is much easier than the offline. Online we can think before typing out our thoughts, and of course, nobody sees our facial expressions, and as you said - we don’t look into the person’s eyes.
Also, in my opinion, if people have troubles communicating offline, they had it all the time and online communication had a very little effect on them, if any.
( May 6th, 2007 at 8:16 pm )
So true. People struggle to communicate offline in general. I hadn’t noticed these two correlations though and they’re really interesting.
( May 6th, 2007 at 10:36 pm )
Carolyn Manning, thanks for the comment. You have a point; sometimes, if a person keeps interrupting, they send a message that what they have to say is more important than what the people, who are already speaking, are saying.
An “Excuse me” goes a long way to be polite and offer a request type form during a conversation, compared to jumping in repeatedly without letting others finish or pause gracefully.
Vera, thanks for the reply too.
I see! Hmmm, this month is indeed a killer. Thanks; I will look forward to the updates. I think it is all right to fall behind in your comments in different cases, as long as you are able to catch up later. Comments are part of your life, and life should be balanced in many situations.
Congrats on the graduation coming soon, by the way! 2 more months of torture before you get some freedom for a while, no?
Spider-Man 3 was not bad; it was a good step forward, though in my view, it was a bit “too much” because of having too many things going on. However, maybe that was the purpose of the movie; to show how Peter was changing because of “outside” factors while having a lot of things to focus and take care of. If you enjoyed the first two movies, you will probably enjoy this also.
For people wondering what Vera and I are talking about, her comment above was a response to my comment on her site.
Vivien-inspiration, you are right. For many people, typing or interacting online is easier than behaving in front of someone, face to face.
Thanks for sharing that thought.
Also, you bring up a very good point that some people may have had those communication “troubles” since the beginning. That is why I was trying to see if there was a connection between online communication and lack of some skills in offline communication, based on how some people react in the offline world, because of being used to certain things in the offline world.
Court, thanks for the comment! I find your use of the word “struggle” interesting. Many people do indeed have a hard time communicating in person, while they can simply type away easily and without much fear on a computer.
I am guessing, like Vivien-inspirationbit pointed out above, that typing on a computer may be easier as in person we have to look at the other person and behave in certain ways also, which is hard for many people when it comes to communicating and behaving effectively.
( May 10th, 2007 at 10:37 am )
I totally agree and run into these types of people everyday. Many people spend so much time behind the computer that they don’t get much interaction with others. So that when they do it is seemingly rude even though its not their intent. Hopefully they read your post and start being aware of this problem.
Thanks
( May 10th, 2007 at 11:45 am )
Thanks for the comment Dave, and thanks also for stopping by.
You are right; many people are used to typing a lot, and when it comes to converting written text to spoken or visual cues, those people have a hard time realizing what to do. Yes, many people appear rude even when it is “not their intent” ; well said!
Thanks again Dave, I really appreciate your comment. I hope to see more comments from you in the future.