Thought: is Bes Gay because of moving to San Francisco?
In this article, whenever I say the word Gay, I am referring to lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgenders [LGBT].
People often ask me if I am gay because of my decision to move to San Francisco. That can be a bit like asking me if I am a cop because of my decision to visit a police station. Even if I am gay, does it matter? Many people have such a huge phobia against gay people that their lives will become chaotic if they even hear the word “gay.” For me, a phobia can exist in someone’s mind, but if that phobia starts to make someone pass judgments or start hating others, I think it is more of an obsession than a phobia.
In fact, I get asked “Did you move there because you’re gay! Tell us man, we won’t care” so much, I have begun to say yes to everything others are scared of. Are you afraid of gay people? I’m gay then. Are you afraid of straight people? I’m straight then. Are you afraid of people who may be witches in disguise? You’re in luck! I’m a witch in disguise. If your fear of gay or bisexual people scares you to death, please keep that fear to yourself and do not let that affect your interaction with me or other people. It is really strange, for you and your own character, if you start getting scared simply because someone moves to San Francisco. For me, it is just funny and boring at the same time.
Some anti-gay people I know are so nice and respectful that I feel lucky to know them. Others are simply so obsessed that I am surprised.
I know many people online who are gay, many people online who are not gay, and I know many online people who do not like gay people. Some of my very close offline and online friends do not like gay people, but they also make sure they have logic in their arguments, and that they do not go around hating a whole group of people simply because of their own sexual preference. My close friends, both online and offline, can say anything logical and warranted because they are my close friends. However, if you know me only through a single post and start telling me online that you know me for only a day, and that you will not come back to my blog because you think I am gay, I am not going to persuade you to stay. Convincing people that gay people are good or they are bad can be a quest I am willing to go after; convincing you to stay, because of your assumptions while reading a single post and knowing me for less than 24 hours, is something I could have done last year when I was counseling people a lot.
However, many of these people do not care about such things as long as they are not directly affected by something related to the concept of being gay. I notice some people act weird every single day, because of their fear that gay or bisexual people are alive in this world. They do not care if a gay or bisexual blogger posts something useful in a blog post or a blog comment; they only care about the sexual preference of that blogger or commentor, and they judge the blogger or commentor accordingly.
The most common reason for people hating gay people
Even though so many people tell me that they would not like to be touched sexually by a person of the same sex, I often wonder how many of such people are attractive enough to attract anyone. If you ask people, the people who say “I do not like being touched or asked out by another guy/girl“, you may be surprised to hear the answer if you ask them “How many people of the same sex as you have ever actually hit on you.” Even if someone hits on you, does that mean you have to start hating that person, or everyone who has the same sexual preference as that person?
Unless a gay or bisexual blogger talks about topics revolving gay and bisexual nature of people that affects your views or yourself directly, it can be extreme to argue against or even hate someone or treat them differently, simply because of their sexual preference, when they are simply trying to focus on a non-gay topics and offer you their opinion. Why not just focus on the topic at hand if that topic does not revolve, even remotely, around topics like same sex marriage?
How about gay people hating straight people?
Now an even more interesting thing to think about is how many gay people have phobia against non-gay people. I was making a list, and I know at least 14 people off the top of my head who are strictly anti-straight; these people are obsessed with hating straight people, which is again weird in my opinion. I think I am going to start a series on both topics soon.
What do you think? If you are a close friend, you already know if I am gay or not. Otherwise, you can probably figure out on your own if I am gay or not, though I love being whatever nightmare or phobia you may have. Why? Because I can. Your ability to start acting weird around me simply because of your own fear, which has nothing to do with me and which exists because of you passing judgments about me without thinking, gives me the right to.
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( June 8th, 2007 at 12:10 am )
I have no idea whether you like pistachio ice cream, indeed I don’t even know if you have ever tried it, perhaps just the once in college just to experiment. Nor would I ask. Unless I’m selling ice cream it is of no consequence to me.
Matters of taste are just that and I see no difference between what kind of ice cream you like and whether you like men or women, or both, or neither.
If people want to be afraid or concerned about sexual practices then they should be concerned with those that want to rape, abduct, or hurt others. Otherwise they should let it go.
( June 8th, 2007 at 12:54 am )
I don’t hate gay people, nor do I dislike them…
But I do find that concept strange, it is beyond my understanding… perhaps it’s because of my upbringing… I don’t know… I only learned about different kinds of sexual relationship when I was 20 years old… no kidding here.
However, the fact that someone I know is gay, or I find later that the person is gay, doesn’t affect my judgment of that person. In fact, many say that women feel safer around gay men, because they can be simply friends.
I’m not saying here that we feel threatened when we’re around straight men.
Anyhow, what I wanted to say is that I don’t care about people’s religious beliefs, sexual orientation, political preference, etc. However, I also don’t like when people are pushing their convictions on me. I also don’t care and don’t want to know about the very private life of other people. I’m not giving away the private details of my life, so why should others do?
I’m 100% with the former Canadian Prime minister Pierre Trudeau here, when he said: “The state has no business in the bedrooms of the nationâ€. I have no business there too. And nobody should make it to be my business.
( June 8th, 2007 at 3:10 am )
Andrew, thanks for the comment, and a very good point, using a very good example. Some people might say that an example of an ice cream cannot be directly relevant or a substitute to the topic of being gay or not, but the principle can almost be the same.
Good point about what people should be concerned about, instead of some sexual preference that they are not directly involved in. Sure, a wife can worry if the husband turns out to be bisexual or gay, but a classmate or even an office worker shouldn’t worry if some worker down the aisles is gay or straight.
Sorry that your comment was awaiting moderation, by the way. I had some new comment moderation settings enabled today and some comments were being held for moderation. Things should be all right now.
By the way, I like pistachio ice cream, I think, and mint chocolate chip too.
Vivien-inspirationbit, thanks for taking the time from your busy trip to comment.
I really like that quote. Yes, many parts of the world raise children to teach them that a marriage involves a man and a woman; other than Europe [guessing], I am guessing most of the world still teaches kids on a large scale that traditional principle.
Excellent points. Personally, I have never yet met a gay person pushing his/her “gayness“, trying to convert straight people to being gay so far, so maybe it is different in Canada. Maybe it is because the pressure is on gay people at the moment, I’m not sure. Also, regarding what you said about people sharing private details, I know some people who love asking others personal questions regularly, and when some topic comes out like the topic of being gay or anti-gay, they simply start acting strange, or they say that they do not want to discuss private things as it is none of their business. Usually, I go like “Hello! You asked that question or you were the one wanting to know more, no?”
Regardless of whether one intrudes into other people’s lives by asking too many personal questions and then feeling that they do not want to share private details, I just laugh at people who simply start acting strange because they were not taught, nor did they learn, ways to act around people they are uncomfortable against. For example, one of the guys who was asking me the “Are you gay?” question and started acting distant very extremely, even though I told him his question was strange, now wants to hang out with me a lot because of an offline business deal I have going on, and now, all of a sudden, even though he does not know if I am gay or not, he is all happy and cheerful around me.
For me, personally, the issue of asking people too much information or even forcing that information onto other people has nothing to with the topic of gay; if a gay person keeps telling me that he or she is gay, I am not going to hate the gay people, nor am I going to hate that person for being gay. I might probably find that person annoying because of pushing too much information, I agree, though for me they are two separate topics. One is the topic of being gay, while the other is a different topic of communication where one forces others to talk by asking questions or one shares information without the other wanting to listen. So, many times, some people I know, they just start backing off and becoming secluded simply because they feel uneasy around a controversial topic. Basically, these people love sharing private information about topics they like, and when it comes to topics like abortion or gay people, they start thinking that the other person is sharing too much information, because of their own views on those topics. Many people I know, both online and offline, do that. How do I know that? Because I know most of their other friends who tell me on their own on a regular basis how those “uneasy” people act around others who do not think or share such “controversial” topics.
For me, I personally don’t care what people are or what they think of me, as long as I am not affected because of that latter thinking. What I do, really, care about is how people start acting strange or finding reasons to justify their strange behavior simply because their own fear or phobia about something makes them paranoid enough to assume things without actually knowing or finding out. Wow, this comment could have been a post of its own, so long!
Again, that quote is splendid; more and more people should hear about it.
( June 11th, 2007 at 2:29 am )
Yesterday, there was a gay parade in Bucharest. They were claiming for some rights. Unfortunately, there were so many people welcoming them with rocks, and even the orthodox church representatives blamed that parade, and made such a noise in media… I’m always sorry to see how people cultivate hate and how they blame others in groups, just because they are different.
Anyway, regardless what one thinks about being gay, to think that somebody is gay only because he moves to San Francisco, is really hilarious and it surely proves a deep thinking.
( June 11th, 2007 at 3:37 am )
Simonne, thanks for the comment, and thank you also for sharing that story. Hate simply because of someone being different is indeed a sad thing to witness.
Yes, I like the way you described it; assuming someone to be something because of moving to a certain city “is really hilarious and it surely proves a deep thinking“, heh.
Thanks Simonne, that example helps the point further.