I usually don’t post such stuff, but this one caused my friend to choke on her own laugh for a few minutes, so I’m guessing this might be funny for you also.

A few days ago, my friend from out of town was visiting me for a few days. While she was here, we were planning to go to Disneyland for an entire day. Disneyland requires a whole day to be enjoyed thoroughly, and we decided we would be there from dusk till dawn.

So a day before the big day, we went around many places and cities, visiting different restaurants and doing different things like watching movies and visiting gift shops. That way, we could focus only on DisneyLand for the whole day and not have to rush anywhere else later on, or even before.

While I was out with my friend, I had my keys in my left back pocket several times. One of the habits I’ve developed over the past few years is to put my keys in my back pocket whenever I’m outside, if there’s no space in my front pant pockets. This way, I can have everything in my pockets instead of carrying the keys in my hand. Whether I was wearing jeans or khaki the past few weeks, the keys were almost never in my hands. It’s not comfortable all the time to have your keys in your back pocket while you’re sitting, but if you sit sideways, it’s ok and you can be sure that you’ve the keys with you.

We went to many stores that day. We were in a huge Macy’s around noon or so, when I felt something touching me on my left hip. I didn’t know why I felt that, as I looked around and saw that nothing was touching me. I just continued on doing whatever we were doing; walking around, buying stuff, going to a restaurant afterwards, going to Costco warehouse with thousands of people around, etc. I spent the whole day with my friend, and during this whole time, whenever I wasn’t driving, I was putting the keys in my left back pocket. A few hours later, at a different store, a small kid pointed toward me from a distance, telling her parents something. I looked behind me and noticed a crowd of people waiting in multiple lines for the cashiers. IT thought that the little girl was probably pointing to someone or something else, so I continued on doing things without thinking much about it.

Well, around 9 or so at night, when we were finally looking forward to calling it a night, I got out of the car to go ask for some information at a store. My friend stayed in the car. I put the keys in my back pocket, and when I was walking back to the car, I tried pulling the keys out. Usually, whenever I pull the keys out of my back pockets, the pants don’t move that much and I can easily pull out the keys with a little force. However, this time, when I pulled the keys, the upper left half of my pants moved a little bit with them, and that was weird. Experience told me that such a thing wasn’t normal, so I started touching my back pocket to see what was going on. I felt a lot of threads and a big hole in my pants near that specific pocket.

I was surprised and turned around and tried to look. I couldn’t look clearly all the way, so I had to feel my back pocket thoroughly. Anyone looking at me touching my back like that would have called the cops right away. I found out that the side of my entire back pocket had been cut through somehow, and that the pants themselves had been torn almost into two halves in that specific area. Here’s a snapshot of the pants:

I turned around and immediately asked my friend, who was still inside the car, if she could see what was wrong, while I sat down quickly in the drivers seat. She got a bit worried and asked me to show her what I meant. I was hesitant, but she told me it was ok and to turn around. I got up a little bit so she could see, and was surprised to hear my friend burst into laughter. I turned around to look at her and she couldn’t breath. She was laughing hysterically. Apparently, anyone could see through the pants for almost the entire day that we’d been out; the hole became really wide when one was walking, as the pants weren’t jeans and were easily stretchable. It seems that the keys did not rip the pants, but whenever I was walking or sitting down, the keys probably stretched the pant pockets more than necessary, and the area near the back pocket, where the keys were, got pulled really hard. That’s probably why I’d felt earlier that something was touching me; the pant had started to rip apart at that exact time or so.

I asked my friend how she could not have noticed what had happened and not told me about it all day long. She was still laughing when she said “I’m not looking at your butts all the time! HAHAHAHA ” I was really embarrassed. I opened my trunk, walked over to it with my back toward the car, took out one of my unused, old shirts that I had in there and wrapped it around my pants, the way one wraps a towel around their lower half of the body, or a sweatshirt while exercising. The girl pointing at me earlier during the day was probably telling her parents that I was a moron.

I guess I’ll have to keep away from some stores for a while, no? =\ It’s time to change the habit of putting the keys in my back pocket. Now I carry them in my hand all the time, whenever I can’t fit them in the front pockets of my pants. Hmmmm, now that I think of it, I keep checking my pants from time to time these days, unconsciously, trying to make sure the pants I’m wearing aren’t coming apart. I’m somehow doing that even when I have the keys in my hand.

Bad keys, bad!