I have been using my new Logitech QuickCam Communicate STX webcam for several days now. I think webcam is a very cool piece of technology, bringing us closer to a virtual world where many people will not feel the need to meet someone in person. While I do believe that real physical touch is a necessity in many cases, I still think webcams are a step in allowing the internet to bring more people closer, people who would otherwise never able to meet each other.

With more and more people buying webcams these days, a new trend of allowing a webcam to become our representation on the internet, and in our minds, is brewing. Here are the 14 top signs that you should know about in order to see if you are getting closer to your webcam more than anything else.

Top 14 signs you are obsessed with your webcam

1. Your webcam turns on automatically whenever your computer turns on. You have setup your computer and your instant messaging programs to automatically turn on the webcam in any chat or voice conversation, whether you’re sleeping, around the computer or away from home.
2. You try to turn off the lights in the shower, to make sure no one watches you. Yes, you can dry yourself with ease knowing that you aren’t being watched by someone on Skype, and when you realize you don’t have a webcam in the bathroom, you don’t laugh at the whole situation; you get mad. “Why don’t I have a webcam in the shower?“, you ask yourself.
3. Your webcam is powerful enough to move along with your body. If you walk in your room, your webcam follows you. If you bend down to scratch your body, your webcam captures all the action.
4. You don’t like to approve online friends who don’t have a webcam. If an online buddy does not have a webcam, you block them from your Yahoo buddy list. If a new person who wants to add you as their friend doesn’t have a webcam, you block them.
5. You dress up everyday to look good on the webcam. You take your clothes to the laundry so that you can look good on the webcam. When you go out to a shopping center or a mall, you dress in clothes that usually result in people staying at least 5 feet away from you, in a circle. That makes you feel powerful, and you don’t know why.
6. If you need some time alone from everyone, you turn the webcam away towards the wall. Sometimes you sit in a corner where the webcam’s view is blocked by some object. You never unplug the webcam during this process, by the way.
7. Your webcam has a name. You call your webcam “HAL” or “SAL“, and the next generation of webcams, in your view, should be able to talk.
8. The first thing you like to see in the morning is your webcam. People dream of waking up next to a beautiful person in the morning. You dream of waking up to a better webcam that is watching you in the morning.
9. Your webcam is your counselor. When you’re depressed or upset, you talk to the webcam as if you were talking to a qualified psychiatrist. Sometimes when you’re really upset, you also say to your webcam “Oh come on, don’t say that!“, knowing that the webcam is actually responding to you.
10. Your webcam is a baby of yours. If someone tries to fight with you or insult you in your computer room, you tell that person “Not here“, pointing to the webcam with your eyes. You don’t want your webcam to be exposed to indecent words.
11. Your webcam is your baby. If you ever sleep with someone in the computer room, you don’t remember that night as sleeping with Betsy, but as sleeping with Betsy and your webcam.
12. You don’t like anyone to talk about your webcam in a bad way. If anyone ever tells you that “your webcam sucks” or that your webcam is old, you get offended and block that person on your MSN Messenger account.
13. If anyone ever comes to your computer room and touches your webcam, you get surprised and ask that person “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!“ There is no word for a pedophile drooling after webcams, so you call that person a “webdophile” before kicking them out of the house. Since there is no law yet to protect webcams against a webdophile, you tell your webcam that same night “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” You then curse all the webdophiles and cry yourself to sleep.
14. Breaking up with a webcam is always hard for you. If you find a better webcam than the one you already have, you sit down and look at the old webcam with teary eyes before unplugging it from your computer.

Those are the top signs that will show you the strength of your love for your webcam. What about you? How much do you like your webcam? Do you even have a webcam? Do you consider it a piece of technology or a piece of your heart?

As for me, I’ll get back to my webcam conference with someone Skype right now. Thank you for reading.