The new version of relationships
Imagine a typical relationship where a girlfriend tells her boyfriend that they will no longer have sex. Let’s ignore the reasons behind such a decision and instead concentrate on the existence of the decision itself. Besides being confused and probably surprised, would the boyfriend still continue the relationship if no other aspect changed for the girlfriend, besides the decision to not have sex? Now imagine a relationship where the boyfriend tells the girlfriend that everything has to be equal regarding spending money, small stuff like opening doors, and the status quo, and that the girl now has to participate equally in things. Will that girlfriend still act the same, or would there be uncomfortableness in such a relationship? It would be interesting to see how someone in a relationship would express their love, surprise, confusion and possibly sadness, when either sex or something materialistic is prohibited is no longer feasible, instead of expressing anger and resentment for being in such a relationship. People involved in any relationship do not realize nor acknowledge how important different elements like sex and love are in a relationship, and whether or not a single element that they value is actually the only element they are pursuing.
Let’s assume a typical relationship model that’s common these days. Typical boyfriend drives girlfriend around, buys her stuff and pays for her things. The guy usually takes the hands of the girl and leads her everywhere, just as one would lead a kid. The guy also doesn’t not ask the girl what he should wear; a typical girl in our assumption, however, usually revolves her dressing around the boyfriend. A typical guy refers to his girlfriend as “my girl” in public; the girl refers to her boyfriend as “my boyfriend.” Typical guys usually want to do all the things; typical girls usually want to follow the lead. Such girls prefer that since the guy pays for everything and also takes care of things. Such guys prefer it since the girl is with them and not with someone else. Now, the girl may feel that the guy loves her, or that she is also in control of the relationship, but proving those things directly otherwise is irrelevant in this conversation. In any relationship, the two members involved have something unique to offer to the other person, whether it’s something mental or something physical. In many modern relationships, the boyfriend is in complete control of things apparently, and he does many favors for the girlfriend. A typical girlfriend at the same time is in control of a few key elements, like when one should have sex. Now tell me something: does that sound a logical and equal relationship to you?
Relationships have existed in different forms throughout recorded history. From husbands to wives to mistresses to secret lovers, we see such relationships everyday, with many relationships focusing around guys maintaining control, even when the girl might pretend to think otherwise simply to make herself believe that she’s in control. At the same time, many girls know that their boyfriends are only interested in sex, and they use that knowledge to use the boyfriend in order to get free stuff or a sense of security. While it’s easy for people to say “I love you” these days, it’s harder to actually realize what real love is, or what the real interest of a person is in a relationship. Many people are quick to assume that someone loves them unconditionally; however, it’s hard for people to accept the fact that elements like sex and love are part of any good relationship. Only when people accept such a fact will people stop pursuing either sex or forced love so vigorously, and also stop claiming that they’re having a good relationships; today, such relationships are usually resulting in breakups that arise because of various problems. These various problems were not bothering either partner in such relationships, but because of pretending to pursue something while actually pursuing something completely different, one created such problems when the pursuit was no longer successful.
What is your opinion on this? Are you in a relationship right now, whether it’s dating or marriage or something else? Are you planning to have a relationship with someone? Have you noticed or seen something similar?
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( August 5th, 2006 at 8:49 am )
WOW! Awesome post!!! Hehe, too bad I can’t really relate to it, but I can see some of it happening with other people…
( August 5th, 2006 at 12:00 pm )
A very insightful thought indeed.
I was just lamenting to my husband the other day that love is becoming too of much a quantity with less quality. A few mushy words a day, passing glances, the occasional bedroom romping, and monetary gains aren’t exactly love. They can do quite a bit to enhance or momentarily speed up a person’s feelings, but they’re not the “real thing.”
And exactly what is the real thing? I really can’t put my finger on it. Personally, I’ve always viewed love to be more emotional and mental than verbal or physical. There’s only so much that you can literally exchange to show someone that you love them, because it’s typically the “little things” that count….like conversation, affection, etc, etc, etc. ^_^”
Anyway, love is made up of every aspect of life though. It really isn’t the little things, or trivial things, or even big things….it’s everything that we each have to give…and if we can’t give it our all, then it’s not really love.
Lol…like my overusage of “things?” Quite generalized…dontcha think?
I know….so dorky.
( August 5th, 2006 at 8:24 pm )
Like birdie says, love is more emotional and mental.
I dont think I am experienced enough to comment on the rest of the post
( August 7th, 2006 at 2:33 am )
actually there are two stages of relationship. the first one is passionate relationship where the parties would think “i can live with you cos i love to be with you”. and the second stage is companionate relationship where the parties finally discover that “i live with you because i can’t live without you”. normally the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship falls under the first stage. i think you’re referring to the first stage. most of the time a husband-wife relationship falls in the second stage. but some bf-gf relationship starts with companionate stage. when one relationship moves into that stage, it can be said that the relationship is already stable. i think there are a lot of relationship like that. maybe you only encounter with those typical one…
ok i know i create a lot of terms (like you) but the passionate and companionate relationship terms do exist in psychology context.
p/s- i finally got to say what i wanna say
( August 9th, 2006 at 4:19 am )
That’s good
( August 9th, 2006 at 4:22 am )
Heh, you’re funny. I gigled so hard at your 3rd sentence, heh. Yes, it’s the little things that count somehow, and it seems that the bigger, more detailed things done for love are also sometimes done out of emotion and excitedness.
Very well said. No, it’s not overuse of “things”; it’s very nice. You should talk about this more.
( August 9th, 2006 at 4:23 am )
Heh, true about the first line. Don’t know about the 2nd line
( August 9th, 2006 at 4:26 am )
Interesting viewpoint. Yes, your useage of the terms is very nice, don’t worry. I encounter both, though I’ve encountered the typical kind more and it’s somehow everywhere with many people not realizing or understanding what’s going on.
Yay @ you finally saying what you wanted to say.
You should type up responses in notepad first if you wish, so you can save them and post them later at anytime.