Helping someone today did not make me happy
“Help others“, I hear that often. People usually think that helping others is a good thing because one feels happy afterwards. I recently considered a mistake an investment by making someone happy, which involved helping a girl who gave me a haircut. I felt good being nice to that haircut girl. Today at a supermarket I helped someone who needed 50 cents to make a phone call. However, I did not feel happy about it. In fact, I almost felt nothing.
I was at the Mitsuwa supermarket in San Jose today to buy a rice cooker which I had recently managed to accidentally destroy. While I was in the parking lot putting the things I had bought into my car, I heard someone ask me from behind “Could you please spare two quarters? My sister was supposed to pick me up half an hour ago and I am still waiting.” I turned around and saw a guy in his mid 40’s smiling an uncomfortable smile. I reached into my pocket like before and gave him two quarters. The guy thanks me and walked off to a nearby pay phone, while I continued loading the things in my car. For some reason, I didn’t feel great. I didn’t feel as happy as I usually would. I simply continued loading the stuff into my car.
Helping someone does not mean you will always be happy later
I thought about this later and found the low or almost nonexistent level of satisfaction I felt very interesting. There could be many reasons for such a feeling. May be I was in the middle of doing other things when this guy approached me. Maybe it was because the haircut girl that I helped before was cute and this guy was a guy. Maybe it was because this guy asked me for money whereas the haircut girl had not asked for anything. Maybe it was because I considered the haircut girl situation an investment while the guy I helped today will probably never remember me again.
It could be any of these reasons, since all of those reasons could make some people not feel happy afterwards. I felt happier giving someone more than $37 before than I did giving 50 cents today. I finally know the reason why I did not feel great in this situation, though I think the more important thing I should share with you is that I realized more than before that the reason you help someone may be as important as the satisfaction you get afterwards.
Do you help people in order to do a good thing or do you do it to feel great?
You can try to think why you help others. Is it because you feel great while helping others, or is it because you feel great after you help others? Realizing whether you help others because that is a nice thing to do or because of the feeling you feel afterwards is an important step towards discovering your own self and your understanding of the role you can play when it comes to helping others.
What do you think? Do you always feel the same when you help someone offline or online, or does the level of satisfaction you feel differ for each situation? Do you ever think or worry about the satisfaction you experience later on, or do you focus on helping someone since it is simply a nice thing to do?
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( February 25th, 2007 at 10:32 am )
Hmm, most of the time, when I help others, I feel happy. I’m constantly helping others, a lot online though, but still…
As for giving money to people… Ok, here’s a story that I should post on my site sometime… I had forgotten to post about it when it happened. Ok, that one day I was “hiding” my dog from the apartment inspection, I saw this guy, standing by this one guy’s car… The guy just drove into the parking spot, still talking on his cell phone. He turned off the engine of his car, but he was still talking on his phone. He had 2 empty parking spots, one on either side of him. Then this guy came over to the guy’s car, just standing there… It was creepy because he was just standing in the middle of the other parking spot… He just stood there, sort of looking at the guy in the car. It looked like he either wanted to ask him something, or rob him or something like that… He stood there for a couple of minutes, and that guy was still talking on his phone. The guy talking on the phone did not notice that there was someone by his car, and I’m guessing it’s because he was too busy talking on his phone. I think it was about something important, though, and not just a regular conversation… So then that guy started walking around…
Then after awhile, the guy on the phone finished, and saw that guy still standing there, so he opened his door and asked him if he needed something(or something like that, since I didn’t hear it), and then I guess that guy told him that he needed money to catch the bus, the guy in the car reached over to get some change, and gave the money to him. Then the guy started walking across the parking lot, looking like he was going to the bus stop on the other street. So then the guy in the car drove off… Then about half an hour or so later, that same guy came back! He was wondering around, and there was this really small delivery truck, and he peeked in the window, since no one was at the truck at that time… Then he just wondering around at a nearby Dollar Tree and liquor store… I don’t know what else happened because cars were in my way and I couldn’t see it…
So yes, the point of my story is that I don’t give money to people now because of this. I used to give money to people, because they ran out of gas, etc, etc, but now I know that most people are just lying to get the money… Maybe I heard this on Dateline or 20/20 also… But yeah… Ok, sorry so long! LOL. I should post this on my blog sometime… LOL.
( February 25th, 2007 at 11:10 am )
Glad you realize that. Helping others should be about helping them, not the reward in the end, whether it be an actual reward they give you or just the feeling of satisfaction.
Was the reason you weren’t satisfied because it was 50cents, which is comparably a lot less than $37?
If I were stuck somewhere with no cellphone (or a cellphone with no signal or battery), and no money for a payphone, I’d be really glad that someone gave me change.
( February 25th, 2007 at 3:07 pm )
Chau, wow, that is indeed very interesting! Many people do take advantage of such situations where they can keep asking people who are coming to a specific location only for a few minutes to spare some change by telling them some story like you said. It would be interesting to ask such people questions like Michael Douglas did in the movie “Falling Down“, when he asked a lot of questions to a beggar. It turns out the beggar guy was lying in order to get some money from anyone who walked by that specific area.
Thanks for sharing. It helps explain what the feeling can be.
You should definitely blog about this sometime. 
Stacee, yes, it’s something really interesting. Many people like the feeling of helping someone, whereas others like th feeling they experience afterwards. I also agree that the concept of helping someone because it’s nice is better since it removes some element of selfishness from the whole process.
About the reason I wasn’t satisfied, you may be on the right track…. :)…a little bit more steering. :p
Just like you, if I was stuck somewhere without the ability to make phone calls at that time and I needed to make a phone call right away, I would be glad if someone could help. Otherwise, I would have to walk or barter my belongings or something in order to get the resources I needed lol.
( February 25th, 2007 at 7:36 pm )
Yes, keep helping people, as much as you can. You may not see a reward now, but later you might. And even so, it’s not about that, like Stacee said, it’s simply about helping others. Your 50 cents may not be a lot to you but to that guy it was probably the world - he was really grateful.
( February 26th, 2007 at 10:34 am )
Interesting point there: “50 cents may not be a lot to you but to that guy it was probably the world”; makes us focus more on helping others the way they want to be helped instead of helping others the way we want to help, unless our way of helping can help them even more whereas their method or preference may actually be bad, or something.
Thanks for the comment.
( September 1st, 2007 at 12:58 am )
[...] my understanding and experience of and in life. As I wrote before, I can remember many times when I helped someone and I did not feel happy at all, and some of the responses I got from others shed some more light on the [...]