Comments on: Disagree with arguments, not with people who argue http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue Analysis of Reason - Finding out the reasons for the insanity in the universe Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:03:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Interview with Spoken-For.org creator, Valerie - Part 1 at The Reasoner http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-123230 Interview with Spoken-For.org creator, Valerie - Part 1 at The Reasoner Thu, 20 Mar 2008 01:31:20 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-123230 [...] it, you can see a lot of trends that go along with that I said in a previous post titled “Disagree with arguments, not with people who argue.” Also, one can see from Valerie’s experience above as to how the shape of a site can [...] [...] it, you can see a lot of trends that go along with that I said in a previous post titled “Disagree with arguments, not with people who argue.” Also, one can see from Valerie’s experience above as to how the shape of a site can [...]

]]> By: Bes http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-114985 Bes Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:56:38 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-114985 Hi <strong>Janco</strong>. Thank you for your comment [and sorry for the delay in my response]. That is a very good point: it can be very easy for majority, if not all, people to immediately have an opinion about things, specially things that appear to be simple in some manner. I think intelligence is somehow related to the idea of arguing or questioning, and the level and reason behind such a question. The relation, in my view, shows what kind of an intelligence one is pursuing or is currently living with or opting to have. Of course, different people may judge or form an opinion of such a relation itself in different ways. In your view, do you think arguments can be done away with completely? Hi Janco. Thank you for your comment [and sorry for the delay in my response]. That is a very good point: it can be very easy for majority, if not all, people to immediately have an opinion about things, specially things that appear to be simple in some manner.

I think intelligence is somehow related to the idea of arguing or questioning, and the level and reason behind such a question. The relation, in my view, shows what kind of an intelligence one is pursuing or is currently living with or opting to have. Of course, different people may judge or form an opinion of such a relation itself in different ways.

In your view, do you think arguments can be done away with completely?

]]> By: janco http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-90866 janco Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:16:33 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-90866 Well, I think the reason people argue about simple things is because it is easy to have an opinion about something simple. Everybody can have an opinion about something that is easy to understand. You will notice that people won't argue about something that is difficult to understand. I always see polititians arguing about the stupidist things... Is intelligence linked to argumentativeness?? Well, I think the reason people argue about simple things is because it is easy to have an opinion about something simple. Everybody can have an opinion about something that is easy to understand. You will notice that people won’t argue about something that is difficult to understand. I always see polititians arguing about the stupidist things… Is intelligence linked to argumentativeness??

]]> By: Bes http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-74817 Bes Thu, 25 Oct 2007 02:47:59 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-74817 Thanks for the comment William. You can focus on the issue, and slowly and hopefully, he can focus on the issue too. You can even say "<em>Ok, let's talk about the issue, how would you want it handled?</em>" or "<em>How do you prefer this to be taken care of? I can tell you if I can try to do that the way you like it.</em>" Basically, the idea is to divert your Dads' attention to the issue instead of you and showing him that you are not arguing with him but trying to show why you think in a certain manner and that you are listening to him and can do things that can make him happy also in whatever argument is happening, the way you already recognize it. You don't have to completely give up and do everything the other person says in an argument. Explain yourself also, mention what you want/need/like/hate/etc too. Getting defensive is understandable, by the way, so don't worry about that part. If you focus on the issue and divert attention to it, you will see wonders. Let us/me know how it goes, as I want to learn too. Good luck! :) Thanks for the comment William. You can focus on the issue, and slowly and hopefully, he can focus on the issue too. You can even say “Ok, let’s talk about the issue, how would you want it handled?” or “How do you prefer this to be taken care of? I can tell you if I can try to do that the way you like it.”

Basically, the idea is to divert your Dads’ attention to the issue instead of you and showing him that you are not arguing with him but trying to show why you think in a certain manner and that you are listening to him and can do things that can make him happy also in whatever argument is happening, the way you already recognize it. You don’t have to completely give up and do everything the other person says in an argument. Explain yourself also, mention what you want/need/like/hate/etc too. Getting defensive is understandable, by the way, so don’t worry about that part. If you focus on the issue and divert attention to it, you will see wonders. Let us/me know how it goes, as I want to learn too. Good luck! :)

]]> By: william http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-74434 william Wed, 24 Oct 2007 00:56:10 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-74434 thanks thanks

]]> By: william http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-74433 william Wed, 24 Oct 2007 00:55:49 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-74433 thanks this helps alote. me and my dad argue so much and he always get mad because i get defensive but now i know because hes always sayin you are wrong all the time thanks this helps alote. me and my dad argue so much and he always get mad because i get defensive but now i know because hes always sayin you are wrong all the time

]]> By: Bes http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-46484 Bes Fri, 06 Jul 2007 07:14:54 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-46484 <strong>Mischiefdebs</strong>, thank you so much for commenting! I love it when someone goes to any post that is more than a few days old and reads it and offers me any opinion. :) I am glad that you like this article. Yes, heh, it is nicer to end an argument in any manner other than to be physically hurt [or the mentally equivalent of physically hurt, which I am sure many people can manage to do to themselves]. I think many people start getting too defensive, even when a question is aimed at an idea and not themselves. Sometimes, people associate an idea so closely with their own life, they feel threatened by anything that aims to question that idea. Political affiliation can be an example of this. It may not be bad to hold onto an idea, but I think it can be bad if we cannot let go of that attachment in order to be unbiased and friendly to someone else in order to prove our point and show, logically, that after we have considered all other alternatives and claims, we still believe in the thing we believe in. That way, not only can one end a dispute, one can even have greater chances of building relationships with the person who disputed things. Once again, thank you! I am going to do my best to write something similar in the future and if you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know. I can edit this post to include more examples and make it better, or write a new post too. Just wondering: in your view, can it be a sample, fictitious and humorous story, or is it better to have real life examples that are funny? Thanks yet again! I really appreciate it, and I hope I will see more comments and suggestions from you. :) Off-topic: Your comment came at a very wonderful time: on another site that I write for, Reader Appreciation Project, the very thing you mentioned can help a lot in a disagreement about 2 things revolving around the same people and the same idea: "<a href="http://www.raproject.com/articles/case-study-question-ireply-movement-on-ra-project-and-do-you-attack-anyone-who-questions-you/" title="Case Study - iReply and the way questions and answers are handled">How to present questions and answers</a>" and "<a href="http://www.raproject.com/reader-appreciation/examples/you-comment-i-reply/" title="iReply movement, and its validity and the validity of questions questioning it">Questioning ideas and opposing questions that question ideas</a>." :) Mischiefdebs, thank you so much for commenting! I love it when someone goes to any post that is more than a few days old and reads it and offers me any opinion. :)

I am glad that you like this article. Yes, heh, it is nicer to end an argument in any manner other than to be physically hurt [or the mentally equivalent of physically hurt, which I am sure many people can manage to do to themselves]. I think many people start getting too defensive, even when a question is aimed at an idea and not themselves. Sometimes, people associate an idea so closely with their own life, they feel threatened by anything that aims to question that idea. Political affiliation can be an example of this. It may not be bad to hold onto an idea, but I think it can be bad if we cannot let go of that attachment in order to be unbiased and friendly to someone else in order to prove our point and show, logically, that after we have considered all other alternatives and claims, we still believe in the thing we believe in. That way, not only can one end a dispute, one can even have greater chances of building relationships with the person who disputed things.

Once again, thank you! I am going to do my best to write something similar in the future and if you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know.

I can edit this post to include more examples and make it better, or write a new post too. Just wondering: in your view, can it be a sample, fictitious and humorous story, or is it better to have real life examples that are funny?

Thanks yet again! I really appreciate it, and I hope I will see more comments and suggestions from you. :)

Off-topic: Your comment came at a very wonderful time: on another site that I write for, Reader Appreciation Project, the very thing you mentioned can help a lot in a disagreement about 2 things revolving around the same people and the same idea: “How to present questions and answers” and “Questioning ideas and opposing questions that question ideas.” :)

]]> By: Mischiefdebs http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-46024 Mischiefdebs Wed, 04 Jul 2007 23:08:45 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-46024 Hi Reasoner Excellent stuff! It's great to see someone setting an example of how to successfully argue a point without it ending in bruises, blackeyes, tears - or worse. Keep up the good work, and don't forget to include examples in amongst your theory. Being dyslexic, I find it hard going without anything tangible I can relate to and a hilarous story always works wonders :-) Cheers mischief Hi Reasoner

Excellent stuff! It’s great to see someone setting an example of how to successfully argue a point without it ending in bruises, blackeyes, tears - or worse.

Keep up the good work, and don’t forget to include examples in amongst your theory. Being dyslexic, I find it hard going without anything tangible I can relate to and a hilarous story always works wonders :-)

Cheers
mischief

]]> By: 5 ways to be professional anywhere at The Reasoner http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-34758 5 ways to be professional anywhere at The Reasoner Sat, 02 Jun 2007 08:01:21 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-34758 [...] hurts your character or personality. If you disagree with someone for any reason, you focus only on disagreeing with arguments, not with people who disagree with you. If you want to disagree with someone or something, you express your frustration without forcing [...] [...] hurts your character or personality. If you disagree with someone for any reason, you focus only on disagreeing with arguments, not with people who disagree with you. If you want to disagree with someone or something, you express your frustration without forcing [...]

]]> By: Bes http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-32480 Bes Thu, 24 May 2007 18:50:19 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-32480 Good example Vivien-inspirationbit. :) Maybe I should post something outlining some good and some not-so-good examples of words that can start and end arguments? Good example Vivien-inspirationbit. :) Maybe I should post something outlining some good and some not-so-good examples of words that can start and end arguments?

]]> By: inspirationbit http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-32446 inspirationbit Thu, 24 May 2007 15:44:55 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-32446 Yes, it's all about choosing the right words: "I disagree with your point of view, and here's why..." instead of "I disagree with you, because you don't know what you're talking about..." Yes, it’s all about choosing the right words:

“I disagree with your point of view, and here’s why…”
instead of
“I disagree with you, because you don’t know what you’re talking about…”

]]> By: 5 ways to Blog Hell at The Reasoner http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-32400 5 ways to Blog Hell at The Reasoner Thu, 24 May 2007 07:29:24 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-32400 [...] Arguments in the offline world can result in married couples and best friends hating each other forever, so it is no surprise that even the smallest of online arguments can result in powerful grudges. Just like any argument, just because you argue logically or think you are right does not mean you will be appreciated for voicing your opinion. An argument itself should be avoided, since forcing someone to agree with you contradicts the idea of making someone believe in something voluntarily. Also, bloggers should try to disagree with arguments, not with people who argue. [...] [...] Arguments in the offline world can result in married couples and best friends hating each other forever, so it is no surprise that even the smallest of online arguments can result in powerful grudges. Just like any argument, just because you argue logically or think you are right does not mean you will be appreciated for voicing your opinion. An argument itself should be avoided, since forcing someone to agree with you contradicts the idea of making someone believe in something voluntarily. Also, bloggers should try to disagree with arguments, not with people who argue. [...]

]]> By: Avoid telling people they are wrong at The Reasoner http://thereasoner.com/articles/general/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue#comment-20186 Avoid telling people they are wrong at The Reasoner Sun, 25 Mar 2007 07:53:37 +0000 http://thereasoner.com/blog/disagree-with-arguments-not-with-people-who-argue/#comment-20186 [...] not looking for the truth. They are instead looking for ways to prove that they are not wrong. Try not to make an argument personal. You never know how some people may react when they think you are trying to act smarter than them. [...] [...] not looking for the truth. They are instead looking for ways to prove that they are not wrong. Try not to make an argument personal. You never know how some people may react when they think you are trying to act smarter than them. [...]

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