This is a Reader Contributed Post by Andrew Rickmann.
A week or so back Bes asked everyone, do you try to be formal or informal on your blog? I commented that my technical background made it easier for me to be formal; however, that is far from the full story.
Whenever anyone interacts with anyone else — whether that be on-line or in meatspace — what they say, do, and how they act generally is coloured by a whole host of different motivations. With the recent stories about the poor behaviour of some people on line I thought it might be interesting to dissect the way we all act on-line.
This is going to require a little honesty, so I’ll go first.
Writing Style
My writing style is impersonal. I focus on facts, often use overcomplicated sentence structures and long words, and generally qualify everything to a point where no one can provide a negative input that I haven’t already covered off.
If this sounds like a smoke screen to you then you are probably right.
Writing formally about facts; i.e. non-personal content, is an easy way to avoid being personally associated with the flaws that no doubt exist in the article and helps keep the real me at a distance. This isn’t a comment on anyone that reads my writing — anyone that comments is a friend in my book — but it is a comment on the way many people on the internet act and my inability to deal with non-constructive or personal criticism well.
How about you? Do you tailor your writing style, consciously or unconsciously, because of other people or do you pour your heart out which each and every post?
Social Networking
You might get the impression from the description of my writing style that I have some insecurities. That is certainly true of me as it is with many others.
Some people deal with this by creating a front that they are the life of the party, others retreat entirely. I certainly think the way I act on social network sites reflects these insecurities.
Perhaps I am the only one for whom this is the case, and it certainly a sign that perhaps I’m ‘past it’ in internet time but I think hard about whether to ask for a friend on social networking sites. I know the kids these days treat internet friends as casually as they do the decision to put on socks in the morning but I just can’t do that. Being friends for me means really being friends, not just having my name on someone else’s web page. I consider whether they would want me as a friend, and what if they don’t? Can I handle that kind of rejection?
They say on the internet you can be anyone you want to be, but I just can’t do that. I am me and I don’t know how not to be.
When you write about yourself, whether on your blog, or on social network sites how do you act? Do you act yourself, are you honest and open, do you hide away, or do you have yourself a Jekyll-esque alternative persona?
The Others
My final question of the post then is how do you think other bloggers and readers of your writing or comments view you? and as importantly how do you want to be viewed?
I think that much of my personality gets lost in my attempts to be professional, and because of my writing style my frivolous side is almost entirely hidden. I do have one, honest. I’d love to write long flowing articles filled with wit and comedic derring-do, but I can’t. Perhaps that is a shame. Equally perhaps it isn’t the real me anyway.
I wonder how many readers really know you, do you think any really get you?
So now is your chance. What drives you to write, surf, or interact the way you do? What holds you back? What scares you on-line and what do you feel at ease with? Let us all know why you do the things you do on-line, whether it is pretending to be someone else, just being yourself, hiding facts, revealing facts, or just staying under the radar.
Thanks for reading and here’s hoping normal service is returned soon.
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Hmmm I had a bit of a think about that one. Good topic!
Firstly, my writing style: I think I'm pretty informal; I talk a lot about my own opinions and feelings (even when commenting, I reference a lot about my own past experiences and share stories… as you shall see in this comment). I like to sound really smart and use complicated sayings and sentences… but I'd be lucky if I could pull it off once a blog. I like to think I am intellectual in that I think a lot about the world, experiences, life, people… anything and everything, but I'm not intellectual in the way of articulating. During blogs, I blog about my daily events, mainly for myself: my blog is like a diary, but a diary whereas I look at the situation and try and pull my feelings away from it a little to analyse it… sometimes I may even admit I was wrong, but it's to help me put things in perspective (that point might have been completely unrelated to this post topic).
As for how friendly I get with visitors/affiliates/etc, and whether they really know me? Well, I used to be friends with my affiliates when I was into web-designing… we'd speak over msn as well as commenting on each other's websites. Now though, I'm not as into web-designing in the sense that I want a popular website, with lots of visitors and whatnot. If people visit, it's great… but if not, this website/blog is for me for my personal reasons, and to improve my graphic skills and coding skills. So in that regard… as of my relationship with on-line people now, I suppose they don't know the real me. They read of my events and I read of theirs, and we comment and give some advice and that's it. They don't know my personality other than from my blogs, and they don't see the whole of my personality through my blogs.
Like you said, I am very insecure in the way that I do not like criticism, or even if someone gave me advice that makes me feel dumb. However, I try to hold back on a reply, because after all, they only read my blog which may not have all of the details or something was mis-interperated. Sometimes it frustrates me when some bloggers reply to their comments, in a sort of negative way… I don't know how to explain it. Such as when a blogger tries to justify themself… but it comes across negatively towards the commenter.
I think this was quite a long comment; so many of my comments are so long and full of my own chatter about myself, I feel a bit self-centered at times, haha.
Oh, I just remembered something too. On serious issues, I speak like this. Punctuation and all (well, I normally punctuate and spell correctly anyway). But on other sites, on daily events or non-serious issues I can be very "yaayyy, wheee! x__x lol" type of chatter. Sort of like in real life, when different situations bring out different replies from a person.
Finally, the end to this long comment. Thanks for a great topic, Andrew! Take care of yourself. =)
Thanks Jess, It is interesting to see how you try and separate what you write from what you feel, to be objective. I try to do the same thing as I think the objective take is often more important than how I feel about something.
Thanks for contributing, Andrew. Thanks also for sharing the different styles you have when it comes to writing and networking.
I usually try to mix formality with informality in writing, though I also try to write so that anyone can easily grasp what I am trying to say.
For me, friends online are the same as friends offline, and thus I also cannot just start calling someone a “friend” or start getting close or distant simply because of the nature of the online world. Friendship is friendship, and it is developed. So, if I consider someone a friend online, I treat them just as I would treat an offline friend unless that person wants to be treated differently, which sometimes proves to be difficult for me.
I act like myself, though I usually do not open up easily, or I open up slowly. However, I will make sure that whatever I do ensures the other person to be 200% happy with my relationship with them, whether it is a personal relationship or a business relationship.
As for the way I think others view me online, I am not sure. I guess I should ask the online people directly what they think of me and my site?
Jess, wow, thank you for such a wonderful, and long, comment. I guess the competition has gotten stronger now! 0_0
I personally think you sound intelligent and smart in your blog, so maybe you are pulling it off well? j/k. I am guessing since it is you, you do not think that you are that good, but if someone else is observing your writing and your blog, they can notice the smartness and intelligence?
I like your point that online people “don’t know the real” you. Our online habits give a vibe of what we are, or what we are capable of (if we are pretending to be something online), but the real us is not visible in its entirely in the online world. However, how we act online is part of us, whether we are faking it or showing our true form. Thus, whatever we do online, even if offline we are the exact opposite, we are liable for what we do online since that is part of our character and life too, even if it’s fake.
About punctuation and other things, I am guessing it is a good thing that the way humans act in offline world, sometimes being formal and sometimes being informal, you try to be or are the same way in the online world: sometimes formal and sometimes informal online.
I think this was an excellent comment. Thanks again Jess.
Andrew, thanks for the wonderful article. I really appreciate your effort in contributing this while I was traveling.