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1. Telling the driver how to drive no matter how they drive

   Avoid telling the driver how to drive. Notice the words “Avoid telling” and not “Never tell” in this point. Avoid telling the driver how to drive if it is for small things that you yourself may be doing in some ways when you drive, or things that the driver may be used to while they drive. If the driver is driving fast and changing lanes very quickly, causing the whole car to suddenly tilt from time to time, you can go ahead and tell the driver to slow down as your life and safety is on the line. However, if the driver is driving and you keep telling her or him that they should drive with one hand on the wheel or both hands, as an example, try to think first if the current driving by the driver is dangerous or if the driver knows what she/he is doing and usually drives like that.

   I knew someone once who always told me not to show left/right turn signals when changing lanes, to stop completely at all stop signs, to always change lanes while maintaining same speed instead of slowing down to keep in the same lane, to honk at all other drivers who did not know how to drive, etc. Stop dictating everything: sure, tell me everything on your mind if you wish, but who cares which lane I drive in, as long as we get there on time and as long as I am driving safe?

2. Smoking, eating and drinking in the car without asking

   This is extremely important. I never try to eat in someone else’s car, and if I do, I eat as if my life depended on how clean I keep the car. I have had people who come into the car without knowing me much and starting to eat, drink or smoke right away. Forget that smoking kills or does any harm: I do not care about that since everyone around is usually already smoking and my lungs are starting to have DNA from other people on a regular basis. What I care about is the smell in the car: I get in the car and I can feel I am the Marlboro Man simply because my car smells like mint, tobacco and nicotine.

   One of the people who got a ride in my car would start lighting up the cigarette right in my car, and after smoking, she would ask where the ashtray was. My car does not have an ashtray, and she would honestly forget that every time. Then she would scramble around the car to look for something to put the cigarette buds in, while the ashes and the burnt cigarette bud pieces fell around my car. In the end, she would end up throwing the buds and the falling tobacco and smoked cigarette wrapper out of the window. Another guy used to eat his regular dose of Carl’s Jr. in my car and would usually leave some fries and lettuce that dropped from his mouth. If I can pick up leftovers from what adults eat and be good at it, maybe I can be a good parent and be good at cleaning up after babies too?

3. Throwing litter out of the window

   I am not sure how people who meet someone for the first time start throwing stuff out of those new people’s car from the minute they get in. And they do it while not caring about whether or not a cop might see them. If you throw stuff out of the car, it might hit some other car or the driver may get a ticket for littering. Forget the stereotypical advice “If you don’t throw trash in your home, why do you throw trash onto the streets?” That is a stupid message. What I am referring to is the idea of meeting someone for the first time, and throwing stuff out of the window without wondering whether or not the driver will be comfortable with it. It is your trash when it is being thrown out: it is the trash coming out of the car that belongs to the driver.

   I knew someone once who would go through his mail while in the car and any junk mail that he did not want, he would roll it up and throw it out of the window. I would always ask him what he threw out, but he would act as if I was asking a very sensitive question. Other people’s trash is not my business, I agree; however, my car is a driving vehicle and not a experimental garbage-shooting device for new people, so I would like to know what is being thrown out in case a cop stops us.

   Once a guy threw his soda can right through my driver-side window, instead of his passenger-side window, while we were driving on the freeway. The glass soda bottle hit my nose on the side and then flew out of the car. I immediately wondered if I had been attacked and the guy simply missed me. I started bleeding that very instant: I looked at the guy and said “What the $%^&!!??” The guy was genuinely sorry and said something along the lines of “OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY!! Just wanted to throw it out from your side since on my side there are cars and on your side there are no cars…didn’t think it would hit you SORRY ” Even then, what the heck?

4. Making extra stops without asking first

   Similar to getting extra passengers, if you have to make extra stops, tell the driver immediately. The driver may have something in mind, and they may also have to make stops of their own. Your new unexpected stops can result in the driver losing time and not being able to do things they changed or modified in order to accommodate your ride in the first place. Try to be very explicit and transparent when asking for favors. Even if you are robbing banks, tell the driver “I have to stop by these 4 banks to try to see if I can get a good student deal on a savings account.”

   I have had people wanting to go to banks, their friend’s places, shopping stores and even restaurants while on their way to someplace else. Many times, I end up canceling whatever I had originally planned. I do not mind making extra stops, since I usually prefer making extra stops many times myself too. What I do not understand is the claim that people forget to tell me they had to make the extra stops until they get in the car or when they get near a place. Some people have even told me “Oh, take this road, I prefer this road” and then when we get to a place where they want to make an unexpected stop using the road they told me to take, they say “Oh, I just remembered, I have to stop at so and so.” Maybe I should make dozens of unexpected stops while giving rides also.

5. Refusing to put on the seat belt

   This used to be a big deal before, when drivers used to get tickets for any passengers who had not put on their seat belts. Nowadays, anyone not putting on the seat belt gets into trouble themselves unless I am mistaken. However, when you get into someone else’s car for the first time, ask them if it is ok not to put on a seat belt. Ask if the other driver is ok with it; they would want to think over whether or not they are willing to go through a police pull-over because of the seat belt.

   I have had a few people who would meet me for the first time and sit up front and not put on their seat belts, even when I reminded or asked them if they could. Sure, they have a choice to say no when I ask them, but these people would actually get offended at me asking them about the seat belt. By the way, I hate putting on seat belts overall, and I never put on a seat belt when sitting in the back unless the drivers tells me to, which I also try to avoid if possible.

6. Leaving garbage in the car

   Many people think my car is a garbage trailer because my car is dark green. They will come in with food, cigarette wrappers, books and receipts, and they will usually leave something behind like napkins, lettuce, receipts, empty or even full soda drinks, etc. Why assume that someone is ok with the garbage that you yourself despise? Forget the rule “Do onto others that you want others to do to you.” Why would anyone want your garbage in their cars?

   I have had a few passengers come in my car and leave their full blown garbage behind, knowingly. They actually pick it up and put it on the back seat while they are leaving the car. Many people come in and leave a lot of their garbage as a memory tribute to me. The cute girl leaves me her McDonald’s bag as I might use it to carry my books and look at it to remember her. The smelly guy leaves the tomato so that I can smell it to remember how bad he smelled. The tall guy leaves his used napkins so I can clean my car with them and remember how he used to sneeze in them. The weird girl leaves her receipt for fast food in my car, every time, so that I can remember what she bought and so that I can remember the prices for different things that Jack in the Box sells.

7. Not locking the car doors when exiting the car

   Not all car doors have automatic locks. In fact, more cars have manual locks than automatic locks. That is why when you exit a car, make sure you get to lock at least your own door. If you go to someone’s house and exit from the back door while the house owner exits from the front and both of you are going to some other house, you will think about locking the back door, right? Try doing the same with the car, or at least try asking if the doors should be locked manually.

   I have had many people exit the car when we go to the movies or someplace else, and when I get back to the car, their side of the door was not locked. I have had many valuable belongings in the car many times, and each time the person simply asks “Ohh, you don’t have automatic locks?” If you see me opening the lock manually when I let you in the car, chances are the door locks are not automatic. If you do not see any automatic lock button on your side of the door or near the middle/center hand rest, chances are that the door locks are not automatic. I do not know of any car on this planet that has automatic locks and does not offer an automatic button to the passenger, so if you do not see an automatic lock button, the car most probably has manual locks. The only exception is a prison transportation vehicle. Unless I have a shotgun and keep pointing it at you while you wear an orange suit, chances are you are in my passenger car and the car does not have automatic door locks.

   It is a very good thing to ask when in doubt in such situations, unless you are ready to accept and replace anything that gets stolen or damaged.

14 things to avoid on your next ride with me - till the next part of this series at least

These are the 7 things to avoid or think about when getting a ride from someone you may not know. The reason I said before that these points apply to those people who are not your friends is to show that since you are not someone’s friend, you have to consider these points that may upset, annoy or frustrate the driver or the drivers’ friends in the same car, among other things.

What is your opinion about this? Have you experience any of these points yourself, either expectedly or unexpectedly, either as a driver, a passenger, or the person doing any of the above things?

Thanks for reading the 2nd part of the series. Please let me know if you wish for me to include any of your points in the grand finale of the series, with full credit to you of course. Stay tuned for the next part where many bizarre elements, like people other than the driver and the ride seeker, come into play to ensure that giving someone a car ride turns into a very dramatic experience.

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1. How did you start your site? What is it about?

   I guess you could say my blog has its beginnings in late 2002, not long after I found out I was pregnant. I had seen a friend do something similar, and I thought it was a great idea to add a section to my already existing (genealogy) site where friends and relatives who aren’t around can get updates on the pregnancy, photos, etc. This carried on through the whole pregnancy and I sort of quit there.

   But in October 2003 when I had a three-month-old and some extra time on my hands, I thought I’d pick it all back up. I had such great fun at it all that I got the blog its own domain name and as time progressed I was getting more attention from strangers than family and it turned into more of a diary and lifelog than just baby updates and photos.

   Also, when I started, the site was just an html page that I updated with the dates and so there were no direct comments on entries. I had one page where people could leave a message and still have those posts. When I moved to actual blogging, I later had to track down those old posts via archive.org and them. I think I lost some of them in the process.

2. How do readers play a part in your site?

   I think I stand in the middle with this. On one hand, I really do not care if people visit and leave comments - after all, that’s how I started, never dreaming anyone who did not already know me would care and there are lots of things that I post that I just know will bore everyone else but I write them down anyway for me - but on the other hand, it does matter to me. Over the course of time, I’ve met some really great people through this whole blogging thing and I often really desire their input and validation. They
   are real friends to me, not just people who come and go, and I highly value their friendship and opinions.

   There have even been several occasions when I’ve asked for advice regarding my candle business, what scents people would be interested in. Both regular visitors and one-time visitors were very helpful in helping me choose scents to make that would suit a variety of people and not just myself.

3. When you started the site, what did you expect from the readers? Were those expectations met?

   Since I had started it all as a family thing, I had expected my family to at least pay somewhat attention. However, I wasn’t so lucky in that respect, especially after I got the separate domain for the site. My family (this includes uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) sort of missed the change altogether (not that they had paid attention much past the initial pregnancy updates anyway) and, as far as I’m aware, none of them visit today, or even know the site exists, with the exception of two in-laws. What I ended up with was a couple of visitors for several months until other bloggers began to visit and make their presence known.

4. You get a lot of supportive comments, and you also get a lot of critical comments and comments which attack you personally. You are one of the bloggers who has sparked a lot of opposition due to your posts regarding Geek Squad and DHL. What do you think of the people who support you and the people who disagree with you on posts revolving around those companies? Has any company directly or indirectly retaliated because of your posts?

   When it comes to posting the ugly side of a company or pointing out a company’s mistakes, you’re bound to gather attention. There seems to be four types of people that respond to these posts. There are the friends who know I’m not just making stuff up and they offer their support for me, and indignation towards whatever it may be that has caused my grief.

   The second group is made up of those who have had their own problems with the company. They find me via search engines or other people who have shared their stories and linked me. They tend to just want someone to rant to about their issues, sometimes they want advice on where to turn next; they’re typically the biggest group of the four.

   The third group is typically smallest, the people who say they’ve not had a problem at all with that company, “but, whatever.” The fourth group is usually the most fun. These people are, for some reason or another, outraged that I would dare say anything negative about a large company; many admit to being employees of the company while others’ IP addresses tell on them. While some are nice and can agree to disagree, in my experience, most of these people take it personally and then proceed to act as such. However, they mostly seem to be lone gunmen. I have never had a company directly contact me about my postings nor are my postings wide-spread enough for me to be recognized when I am forced to deal with these companies “in real life” (especially since by the time I’m posting about them, I’m typically already boycotting them).

   I have had two occasions where an employee and then a different employee’s wife went to other, unrelated articles in my blog with other nasty comments but that’s been the worst of it. I don’t really have a general opinion regarding the people who agree or
   disagree with me, they are all given equal chance and profane language is edited out no matter which side of the fence they’re on. Also, I don’t respond to every comment. Sometimes I ignore comments, good or bad, depending on the amount of time I have.

5. Has earning money online played any part in dealing with commentors? For example, would you turn off comments if advertisers paid you to do so, or would you allow certain personal attacking comments if you were paid to leave the comments on and uncensored on some posts?

   I have personally never heard of either of those scenarios and they present an interesting dilemma. I think I would have to take that in a case-by-case basis. How much money are you offering? I really don’t think I could answer this question until I were to know all the specifics.

6. Have your blogging, other online or offline habits or behavior changed because of either the supportive or criticizing comments?

   Someone who visits my blog and calls me a nasty name because of my view of the Geek Squad doesn’t have me lying awake at night upset. At most I may wonder for a few minutes on how I should respond, if at all, but then I move on. However, there have been times where I have taken to heart things that commentors have said. Usually this is in regards to a parenting issue I feel lost at or some other life issue. My actions may be affirmed, and I will continue at how I am behaving, or someone may offer advice and I will try that out, too. The only real things that have changed have been due to an online stalker and a friend whom I had a falling out with.

   Because of those situations, I have taken many things private (only visible to friends and family I trust, or even sometimes just myself) that may have otherwise been posted publicly.

7. How do you deal with such comments, and commentors, that attack you personally?

   I pretty much handle this on a case-by-case basis. I think it also depends on the mood I’m in - haha (I /am/ after all, a woman).
   Typically, because of the moderation rules I employ, these comments will go straight to moderation (dependent upon how old the post is). If I feel I have something substantial or witty to say back to this person (or even if I have nothing to say), I may approve the comment and reply (or say nothing). If I’m unsure about it, I might check to see if they’ve subscribed to the comments or if they’ve left what appears to be a real name, email address, and/or URL.

   In other words, I’m more apt to give answer if they really seem interested in one rather than bash-and-run. If I get the feeling they’re bash-and-run and the comment is extraordinarily mean and/or full of profanity, there’s a good chance I’ll just delete it (especially when they have nothing new to add to the conversation like is common on the Geek Squad thread where they all have the same points/complaints).

From comments to commentors, Spoken-For keeps on speaking

From the above interview and the links presented within it, you can see a lot of trends that go along with that I said in a previous post titled “Disagree with arguments, not with people who argue.” Also, one can see from Valerie’s experience above as to how the shape of a site can change from being a simple website to being a blog, yet the function of the site remains exactly the same: to allow for a place for Valerie to express herself. What do you think?

Do you have any questions?

That is all for this time. Stay tuned for the next part of the interview soon, where I asked Valerie about the possibility of closing down comments section, the comparison between her blog and her online business, online stalkers, and more.

Please let me or Valerie know about any opinions, thoughts, or questions you can think of either by e-mailing me or Valerie, or by leaving a comment below.

Thank you for reading.

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