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For me, Christmas will never come. Tomorrow, Christmas eve, I take the BART to the airport and then fly down to Orange County. Then in the morning, around 10 am on Christmas day, I’ll be driving down with a friend, back to San Francisco. I’ll stay here for another week or so, and then go back to Orange County. Until then, what should I do? Should I eat out today, or should I cook something myself? Should I go watch a movie in a theatre, or should I watch a movie on TV? Should I do something, or should I sleep?

It’s business as usual, the business of life. There are no set holidays; holidays come whenever there is time. Whether it be Monday or a Sunday, things happen whenever they can. I love my schedule. It’s really good, as this way, my schedule goes the way I want, and not the way some external factor wants it to go. Will such a schedule go on forever? I’m not sure, but so far, it’s been working out great in most cases.

I’ve been eating a lot of chocolate lately. 7-Eleven is nearby, and so is Andronico’s. The first one has a special: any 2 chocolates of any kind for $1.20, and the latter has premium brand chocolate at bargain prices. I’d been assuming for a while that Andronico’s is one of the cheaper grocery stores in the neighborhood, but I found out that it’s a ripoff in the eyes of many people when it comes to any grocery and normal prices. Berkeley Bowl is supposed to be the best, and seems to have a special occult following, but I’ve never walked in that direction [it's about a mile away] and I always keep saying “I’ll go there some other time.“I’ve had a lot of chocolate in the past few days, and I’m proud of it. I’ve spent more on chocolate since I’ve been here than I’ve spent on other food, normal food, or anything else.

I was walking back to my room last night, and along the way I got hungry, as usual. I stop by a bakery, which was mistake #1. Mistake # 2 was that I bought 6 donuts, including chocolate donuts, a big pack of bread and 7 small pretzel/donut combination sweet pieces, round in shape, about the size of golf balls. Mistake # 3 was that I ignored the golden rule of not buying things in a frenzy when one is hungry. Oh well, I can now easily say “I got chocolate and sugar in my veins, buddy!” Hmmm, that sounded totally weird.

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I asked 3 different people yesterday for directions to a place that everyone who lives nearby is supposed to know by heart. They all gave me different attitudes and faces while giving me complicated directions, as if it takes practise and meditation to give simple directions such as “Go straight on this road and make a left at the first light. You’ll see a big brown building on the right; that’s the post office.” I had to mail off a few things to friends, and doing that was very hard as I had to dig up addresses from my weak memory and contact people through text messages to ask them for their addresses, as I somehow managed to leave my entire address list back home. I mailed off everything, and it was a relief.

It took me almost an hour to find the post office before I managed to send off everything. Either I’m stupid, or people here are handicapped when it comes to giving simple directions. I hope everyone receives it on time; otherwise, I apologize for being a bad planner and doing everything at the last minute.

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It’s nice to just sit there and not do anything at night in my room. The cold winds outside move the branches against the wooden panels of the house at night, while during the day the rain pours down the entire house and the windows are splashed with dozens of drops of water every second. Life becomes slow, and you don’t realize it. The whole day goes by and it doesn’t go fast, and it doesn’t go slow. It doesn’t go normal even; you don’t realize at all that the day is passing by, let alone know how fast it’s going. It’s just going; you’re not focusing on the day itself. You’re focusing on yourself and the things you’re doing and seeing.

What am I doing here? Why am I going through these stages of life to live life itself? Life is headed the same way for everyone, and we all try to pass time by doing things simply to kill the boredom. I could’ve stayed at home, doing nothing and posting on this site and eating and sleeping. However, would that have been good? Or is the option I followed a good one, where I’m away in a different place, trying to live life as if I was back home?

I’ve been acting in my own mind as if I haven’t left at all, and this is just another day back home. Do I even have a real home? I’ve moved from one place to another since I was a kid, and everything looks so volatile and unstable. It’s really beautiful how we can make the best of what we have, whether we got it by aiming for it or we ended up with it somehow, instead of trying to live life hoping for tomorrow. I’m like everyone else, really. Just because the thoughts and aims are different, doesn’t mean I’m an alien from outer space. Oh yes, so I hold my umbrella in the rain differently when I’m walking alongside people from the Bay. I take out my umbrella after I’ve been soaked for a while on purpose, just to enjoy the rain. So I slip on every metal grate in the area because of my slippery shoes, and I haven’t bled from my brains because of it yet. So I don’t give attention to a girl at the restaurant after she’s been wasted with her friends; that’s ok, since life isn’t all about breaking commitments and having sex. So I don’t like anyone treating animals weirdly; big deal, we all act like machos in front of weaker people anyhow. So I call people just to see if they’ve recovered from an illness; it doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that I’m a friend and I want to care. Quiet time is golden time, and time alone is golden too. Time with friends is golden, and time with no one around is golden too. Making good new friends is golden, and seeking time alone is golden too. I’m still a human being, just like everyone else, and I try to follow both of the golden paths.

Something is happening. What is it? I don’t know. I’m writing a book about it; I was originally going to finish it by the end of this year. I guess I’ll have it finished sometime next year. Writing books has been on my mind for ages; I’ve over 4 books in works, and they always get delayed; again, and again, and again. Life comes up with something beautiful to observe, something beautiful to do. Everyone’s busy, yet everyone has time at the same time. How do we define our concept of time without mentioning the word time itself? How can we realize how important time is, when we don’t know what time it besides the watch on our wrist or the clock on the wall or the time on our monitor screens? People call when they’re bored, and when they’ve an alternate person to pass time with, you become a distant memory. When you’re remembered again, you are told that they’re sorry for not keeping in touch, and then they move on again. Life is a cycle, going in an unpredictable path, and going in the right direction.

I posted an ad on craigslist yesterday to test something, since I’d nothing better to do. I first posted an ad looking for someone to pass time with; movie, dinner, something and anything good to pass time, either in the morning or the afternoon. No responses the whole day and this morning. Then this morning I posted the same ad, yet this time for the test I asked for people to go out drinking and partying and then sleeping together, if that comes to happen. The post gets deleted within 3 hours, but before that happens, I get 7 emails. 2 guys and 5 girls. It’s beautiful, really beautiful. Not the sex part or people simply looking to get wasted. No, it’s beautiful that I’m an extinct species, and that I’m looking for things that aren’t easy to find and probably don’t exist at all. I always believed my entire life that it was the journey, not the destination that counted. I don’t know anymore; maybe it’s the destination, or maybe it’s both the journey and the destination. Maybe neither of them is important, and the thing that counts is completely different. Who knows and who cares, right? We’ve got all our life to figure that out, and we’ve got all our life to do something else at the same time. Maybe I’ll live for a lot of decades more, or maybe I’ll live for another hour. Life is unpredictable; any kind of accident can happen and we’ll be gone. Heart attack, drowning, suffocation, normal death, murdered, killed, stabbed, crushed. All different names and concepts for the same end that everyone is heading towards. The beauty not in focusing on how it ends, but on focusing on right now; on what we do with our time this very instant. Should I write this paragraph, or should I go eat since I’m hungry, or should I go call a few people to pass time, or should I go shop around, or should I go sleep, or should I go sit somewhere and just relax? Choices, choices, choices. So many of them, and we always end up with one of them.

We set our alarms controlling the amount of time we sleep, and we control our behavior to impress others. We try to predict how much we’ll spend in one month, and we try to plan how many babies we’ll have. We try to count the number of days since the last fight with our love one, and we try to predict what’s going to happen at a certain party when meeting someone new. We try to predict what weather it’s going to be, and we try to predict which shirt is going to look good depending on the occasion. We try to predict the questions on a test, and we try to predict the questions that might be asked at an interview. We predict everything, yet life itself is unpredictable. Do we enjoy it, or do we do nothing? Do we destroy it, or do we think about what it could mean? Any of these choices or any other choice, and life is still heading in the same direction that it has been heading for us since we were born. Born, that’s a funny word; we count our life as having started when we came out of the holy womb into this world. Yet, in reality, we were already in this world sometime before we were “born”, inside a womb, simply waiting there quietly, and peacefully, passing the most peaceful and beautiful time we’ll ever experience. Everything outside is just like the universe; becoming more chaotic and unpredictable.

I think I know our destination, yet I don’t know the path. I’m 25 years old now, and my friends think I’ve an answer for everything. Yet I’ve more questions in my mind than a penguin who hasn’t seen or eaten fish for 25 years and has survived on alternative foods. I know life is interesting, and I know life is beautiful. Penguin Penguin Penguin, a nickname I’ve gained for reasons really interesting. Even the Penguins don’t want to face a cold storm, even when they know if they try hard, they can survive it and they try hard whether or not they actually survive it or not. Even the Penguins love the harsh life. Even the Penguins find beauty in everything. Even the Penguins risk it all for others around them.

Even the Penguins have a heart. And even the Penguins feel cold. Yes, the Penguins do feel cold, every time, all the time.

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Most of the emails contain all the necessary information I’m looking for, tell me something about themselves and the apartment/room and in turn ask me some personal questions. Letting any stranger stay over even for money is a big issue, I know. I’ve no problem with letting these people know details about myself and answer their questions. Such emails show that the person willing to rent the apartment or the room is a nice person to deal with and wants the entire deal, from start to finish, to be a happy one for all the involved parties. Some emails, however, start with a list of questions , and end with a list of questions and rules, like the following actual questions that I’ve received in such emails:

• Why are you coming here?
• Do you smoke? have any pets? drink?
• What times will you be at home, and what times will you be out?
• Will you have any friends over?
• Can you bring cash? We do not accept anything else.
• You posted $900. Our minimum rent is $1200.
• We don’t like late night partiers, and the neighbors don’t like anyone making noises after 10 pm.

There’s nothing wrong with such questions and rules. However, there’s something wrong with such attitudes, as such emails have no “hello“, no “bye“, no introduction, no other information in between. It’s as if I’ve sent an unsolicited request to someone for something they have, and they’re now upset and demand an answer to their questions before they can consider my request. On top of that, these people don’t read the list of requirements I have, and instead offer me places over what I’m willing to pay, as one of the above points show. When an email only lists these questions and rules, I tend to not like such an email. Being nice and telling me what one has, and saying “It’s $300 over your budget though” nicely can do wonders. Renting a place is not a one-way ticket to horror; someone can end up with a really crazy landlord or owner also, as we all probably know. How about letting someone know about yourself also, in return for knowing what they have to say. Many landlords feel that it’s their natural right to ask a renter dozens of questions and not answer anything in return. On top of that, such landlords act ‘bossy’, the best word to describe their behavior in my view. I replied to one of the emails above, asking them questions, and they responded without answering my questions, saying that they’ll consider me depending on my answers.

What is this, a kindergarten test, or a proposal for marriage to a stranger? Even the DMV gives you more information and respect when you’re applying for your drivers license. To all the landlords around the world: please start respecting your fellow human beings. When you ask someone questions because you’re scared they might be LeatherFace in disguise, please explain things about yourself also, as there’s a possibility you might be Norman Bates’s mother, too. You aren’t the only one doing a huge favor in a renting transaction; they’re paying you, it’s their money, so both of you are doing each other favors. Show some respect and tell that person why you deserve to get their money, instead of treating them as if they’re desperate for your room and you’re giving it to them against your will and for free.

I’ve found a really nice place and a very nice person who’s letting me stay.

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I’m traveling again this coming Thursday, and will be away from home for at least 10 days. During that time, I’ll probably be using someone else’s laptop or a library computer to get online and keep in touch with everyone. I love traveling, and this should be one of my most interesting trips I hope. That gives me the license to shy away from my posting schedule, though I’ll try my best to stay on course.

I was forwarded a link with excerpts of stupid computer conversations that talks about how people are “stupid” when it comes to computer knowledge. These jokes used to be funny once, but eventually I realized something. People can’t even maintain a relationship, or figure out how to treat their pets. People can’t figure out how to treat someone new, and people can’t figure out what to do with lives. Yet, we still try to make fun of anyone who has a computer and doesn’t know how it works. How many of us know how a car works? How many of us know how a pen works? How many of us know how a door knob works? How many of us know how a cell phone works? It’s funny to see how people can be mistaken about how computer works and computer terminology; that’s true. However, that doesn’t make people stupid. Some people aren’t interested in computers; computers aren’t everything, and thus no one is obligated to know them, even if they own them.

I hope everyone does good on their finals, and I hope everyone gets an easy working schedule and load for the holidays.

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This guy is older than me, probably 10 to 15 years older. The people who find him “HOT” are all girls, apparently. I’ve several gay and lesbian friends. We’re all on good terms, and I’ve no problem with anyone’s sexual preference. I personally don’t care. It freaks many people out that I hang around with those people even though I don’t practice the same ideas. I personally don’t care what a personal opinion of anyone is, as long as people are nice and are fulfilling the obligation of living their lives with pride and not hurting other people directly, and vice versa. When a guy asks me out, though, it doesn’t create an issue in my mind, but it does create a feeling of uneasiness. I’ve been asked out indirectly by a few guys in my lifetime, and it was no problem to explain to them about who I am and we’re still friends, but never like this.

I wanted to share this to move on from the topic of whether gay or lesbians are good or evil, a topic that we’re all fighting with each other against. My dilemma is a smaller issue, something I had to deal with without thinking on whether the whole topic is good or bad, and focusing only on that guy and myself in the situation. In this specific situation, being asked out like that was really creepy. It’s like a girl getting scared if a guy asked her for dinner and then told her to have drinks and spend the night in his “one bedroom apartment”, putting a lot of emphasis on those three words. To emphasize my opinion, the situation doesn’t change my attitude over the issue of same-sex relationships, of course. The situation tries to change the attitude, however, in the atmosphere when one tries to hang out with such a guy in the future, after being asked out. It’s like a girl feeling uneasy around a guy who asked her out to something very private, and she had no intention of being close to him even in her nightmares.

Someone told me that I should feel honored for being nice and equal to everyone and thus attracting both sexes. I’m not so sure about that. What do you think about this, if the situation happened to you and your sex [gender, to put it in a more accepted social term]? If you’re not gay or lesbian, what would you do in such a situation? If you’re gay or lesbian, what would you do in such a situation? Would your attitude toward this topic change in any manner? I’ve to meet that guy almost everyday because of going to the same seminars, lectures, places, and even do things in groups with him.

Ohhhh boy, it will be hard to act normal from now on. Now I know how girls feel.

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The main focus in such situations, for such people, is to enjoy driving your car all the way to their own house. Once they get to there, they’ll leave you hanging in your car and go to sleep. You’ll be left behind on your own to find your way back to your home. All the ideas of friendship and counting on someone else to drive while you’re drunk will be gone at that point; you’ll be lonely in your drunk world again, only this time you’ll be inside your car. The next morning, those friends that ditched you will tell you that you, while you were drunk, insisted aggressively that you drop your friends first before going home. A friend of mine got arrested last month because of this, and someone he knew had offered to drive him, only to drive his nice car, for the fun of it, to his own house. That resulted in my friend having to drive more than twice the distance he originally would have driven directly from the restaurant. Driving under the influence of alcohol or chocolate is bad, but when you’re out of options and your mind doesn’t work and a friend offers to help you voluntarily, I don’t think it’s your fault completely.

Interestingly enough, the cops always come when you don’t want them to, and my poor friend ended up behind bars. He’d never gotten into any trouble with the law before. I’d called him last month and was wondering where he was, only to find out that he’d gotten new, temporary roommates for a while and was back to his normal life again. He explained over the phone where he’d been, and all the legal trouble he was now facing, while vowing to do something to return the favor to that specific friend who had offered to drive him home that night. “Vengeance does goes hand in hand a shot of Bloody Mary“, I told him. He laughed and told me that it wasn’t funny. I laughed and told him it really was funny. The poor guy laughed and said “Yeah, maybe.” I think he’s making plans on how to take his revenge; I probably won’t see him for a while.

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‘Tis the time to say ‘Tis no more, because it sounds stupid when ‘Tis used by every advertising medium and every ad on the planet. The same way Teletubbies advertising BMW’s would destroy the quality of a BMW for some, ‘Tis destroying the image of every product ‘Tis associated with, in my mind. Or maybe I need to start using that word in everyday life also; who knows.

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Now the funny thing is, every Krispy Kreme location in the country, as far as I know, offers a free sample, a fresh glazed donut, to every customer, all day long, every single day, whenever you walk in. Why would anyone stand in such a long line when they can go in immediately or go to any other nearby location to get a free donut is something I can’t figure out. I guess next time I’ll have to stand in the line myself to see what’s going on.

Either way, it’s good marketing. And I love donuts.

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I love going to different food places all the time. When I say food places, I’m also including fast food places. Every now and then I only have 10 or so minutes to spare, and I only have access to fast food places during those times. Variety can work wonders in such situations in the same way different restaurants are healthy for you, compared to going to the same place over and over again.

I recently went to a Thai restaurant called Spicy Thai. I love Thai food, and I try to go to different Thai restaurants once in a while. This Thai restaurant that I found was built like a temple. You actually had to walk up a set of stairs to get to the main entrance. Inside, the decoration is all from Thailand, the lighting is bright enough to see your friends and food, and dark enough to keep the entire atmosphere relaxed. I ordered something with my friend, and I have to say that it was the best Thai food I’ve had in my life so far. My friend ordered a Coke and I ordered water with no ice. The waitress, a girl in her early 20’s, brought my water with ice. I told her that I wanted no ice, to which she replied “That’s 1 dollar extra.” I thought she didn’t understand me correctly, so I told her I needed the ice taken out, and not something else put in that costed an extra dollar.

She told me “Yes, if we put no ice in, it’s 1 dollar extra.” Me and my friend looked at her with a straight face, and I said “Really?” She smiled back “Yes :D.” I asked her why, and she said “Because if we don’t put ice we’ll have to give more drinks to customers.” That was interesting and impressive; here was a restaurant that charged you for having no ice, and didn’t give you a stupid reason for it, and told you the reason straight. But the water is free, right? “No, we charge for that too.” I told her to keep the ice then. She left with a smiling face.

Hmmm, I’d never heard of such a thing before anywhere in the country. I wonder if they can be sued for that. When she was passing by again, I asked her if we would get one dollar off our entire bill if we only ordered ice, and nothing to drink. This caused my friend to choke on his spiced beef, and his eyes were filled with water. He didn’t die, but he sure had a good time. I took the to-go menu with me; a snapshot of it is shown below. You can also <%popup(20051206-spicy-thai-menu.jpg|929|835|see the entire front and last page of the menu)%> to look at the bigger picture.

Whatever they charged for no ice, they made up well enough for it in the quality of the food they cook. I go there often now. If you ever go to that restaurant, contact me, and we can get together to have a good meal, and extra ice.

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